Part 9 (1/2)

And so you view the result. Observe my case-- I, a magistrate, come here to draw Money to buy oar-blades, and what happens?

The women slam the door full in my face.

But standing still's no use. Bring me a crowbar, And I'll chastise this their impertinence.

What do you gape at, wretch, with dazzled eyes?

Peering for a tavern, I suppose.

Come, force the gates with crowbars, prise them apart!

I'll prise away myself too.... (LYSISTRATA _appears._)

LYSISTRATA

Stop this banging.

I'm coming of my own accord.... Why bars?

It is not bars we need but common sense.

MAGISTRATE

Indeed, you s.l.u.t! Where is the archer now?

Arrest this woman, tie her hands behind.

LYSISTRATA

If he brushes me with a finger, by Artemis, The public menial, he'll be sorry for it.

MAGISTRATE

Are you afraid? Grab her about the middle.

Two of you then, lay hands on her and end it.

CALONICE

By Pandrosos I if your hand touches her I'll spread you out and trample on your guts.

MAGISTRATE

My guts! Where is the other archer gone?

Bind that minx there who talks so prettily.

MYRRHINE

By Phosphor, if your hand moves out her way You'd better have a surgeon somewhere handy.

MAGISTRATE

You too! Where is that archer? Take that woman.

I'll put a stop to these surprise-parties.

STRATYLLIS

By the Tauric Artemis, one inch nearer My fingers, and it's a bald man that'll be yelling.