Vol 1 Chapter 3 (1/2)

Chapter 3: s.h.i.+zuka Wakui

1

While letting the broken Engrish of our over 50-year-old English teacher in at one ear and out at the other after about 3 seconds, I look up terms on my electronic Kojien dictionary.

principle of ma.s.s conservation [n]

A principle in cla.s.sical physics stating that the total ma.s.s of an isolated system is unchanged by interaction of its parts. Discovered in 1774 by Antoine Lavoisier.

principle [n]

A basic truth, law, or a.s.sumption.

A basic or essential quality or element determining intrinsic nature or characteristic behavior.

The mechanics of the world are surprisingly simple.

There must be lots of those basic and essential qualities, scattered all around the world, but if you divide them even further into their most essential parts, the absolute number of distinct qualities shrinks to a number that's everything but high.

Did you know that many laws and principles are just augmented rehashes of a set of already known core principles?

More often than not, you end up at the same place no matter from which side you approach the nature of things. That's also why the teachings of people who have mastered a way often coincide even though their ways have nothing in common.

In other words, if you understand some of those core principles, you start to see how the mechanics of the world work.

Core principles are the essence of things. Understand them and you can apply them wherever you want and form new, unshakable laws. Cores attract everything around them just like magnets.

But no one else really knows; they all grow up to be shallow people, only ever looking at the surfaces instead of the underlying cores. They let others influence themselves because their understanding only scratches the surface. They can't consider the true nature of things on their own. Poor people. All it would take to acquire those cores is picking up a good book. Oh, or is there a set of requirements that need to be fulfilled, which I happened to do? I pity them even more, then. It's as though they were characters of a manga fighting each other, unaware of what they are. Even though they fight for no purpose other than their writer's household. Even though their conflict is just a figment, and their very existence is for the sake of fighting.

Anyway, one of those few truths goes by the name of ”ma.s.s conversion.”

Contrary to its name, it's not limited to ma.s.s; the amount of everything is bound to a certain number that neither grows nor shrinks. Everything's unchanging, be it ma.s.s, energy, s.e.x drive, the number of souls—you name it.

The lesson ended while I was absorbed in thought, gazing at my electronic dictionary. Cla.s.ses are finally over. I have better things to do than this. But I can't just deviate from my usual behavior and skip school. I mustn't let anyone get wind of what I'm doing; if I appear suspicious, it becomes more likely that someone will notice it. Before anyone else, especially—

”Phew, done for the day! s.h.i.+zuka, wanna tag along somewhere today?”

Before anyone else, that easy-going boy, Kazuaki, might notice. Which is because we have spent too much time together from an early age on.

”I'll pa.s.s,” I reply toward the adjacent seat.

”Oh come on... you're so cold,” my childhood friend says as he purses his lips. Geez... he just won't change.

”I've got something to take care of, you see.”

”You've been saying that all the time lately... you're not trying to avoid me, are you?” Kazuaki asks as he wrinkles his brow. Oh dear, he really doesn't change.

”Of course not!”

”Uh-huh...,” he mutters downheartedly.

”Why don't you go home with the C2 duo if you're feeling lonely?”

”T-There's nothing between me and—” he counters in denial with a slightly flushed face.

”Senpai~!”

”H-Hozumi-chan... don't be so loud, it's embarra.s.sing...”

His objection is cut off from afar by two girl voices. With the appearance of those two innocent-looking girls, I wave my hand to Kazuaki.

”See you.”

”Ah...”

Don't look at me like that; I'm not leaving you behind because I want to. As soon as I've sorted this out, I'll tag along whenever you want.

But that has to wait, okay?

The world is at stake, after all.

Unconcerned by the waves of students heading homeward, I look around in thought.

The world is in danger.

Maybe that's an exaggeration. But in the very least, danger is looming ahead in this vicinity. I hoped I was wrong (which was out of question, of course, but I wanted to be wrong) but with the news that 3 students at the s.h.i.+kura middle school committed suicide, my fear proved true.

We're in imminent danger.

And here we return to the thing about core principles and conservation of ma.s.s.

I used to be a completely normal girl; I may have hit p.u.b.erty earlier than others, and have received dozens of confessions already, and I primarily hanged around with Kazuaki instead of other girls, but apart from that, I was a completely normal girl.

I'm using the past tense here because I feel that this no longer holds true.

There is a number of truths (cores). By getting to know these, I learned how I'm supposed to look at things.

It didn't take long for me to hit upon a certain question. We all have feelings. Joy, anger, sadness, fun.

Now, let's apply the law of conservation of ma.s.s to this case. Emotions are energy, which, especially in the case of love and hatred, store extreme heat. We consume emotional energy by converting it into energy that keeps us moving. However, not all of our feelings are always converted and consumed. But then where does the energy go when we are unable to suppress our feelings? Most of all, where does the energy go when we die—which must be a tremendous amount when faced with a violent death—when it can't possibly be consumed? Where does that energy fade away to?

With that question in mind, I started to pay attention.

Before long, I found the answer: the energy doesn't disappear at all. The answer was right under my nose, on the other side. Strong feelings, to raise an example, which often happen to be grudges, surface slightly on our side from time to time. It's dead easy to observe when you clear yourself for a moment and float up. Look, there's one. There's an acc.u.mulation of converted emotional energy. In most cases, those acc.u.mulations are shaped like a human.

Anyway, back to the danger the world is facing.

After becoming aware of those humanoid energies, I observed a peculiar change as of late.

Originally, those humanoid energies were unable to move by themselves, and completely harmless for people who didn't notice them; they would just stay put at one place and spread their network in order to influence whatever got caught in there.

Lately, however, they changed their behavior and started to s.h.i.+mmer like mirages. As if afraid of something or in ecstasy? I can't tell. What I can tell, however, is that it's not normal and that it's a sign for something to happen.

I don't know what the humanoid energies will do, how that will affect us, and what will happen, but there is one fact:

Three students died at the s.h.i.+kura middle school.

But that's of no import. Well, of course it's very deplorable that their lives were lost, but in the face of the great menace that might be ahead of us, even a loss like that turns insignificant.

Three people died. What if... what if that was just a sign?

If, hypothetically speaking, this phenomenon was due to a natural circ.u.mstance, I would probably have to give up and let things take their way. Besides, we would just have to take cover and wait for the menace to pa.s.s by.

However—what if someone is pulling the wires behind the scenes?

It's not that I take issue with that ethically, no. What if we are not dealing with a random phenomenon, but with one that is deliberately called forth by someone? What if there is someone who can use that power whenever he wants? What if there is someone who can control all the humanoid energies that are likely to be spread all over the world?

That's what I fear.

After all, if my concerns prove true and that really was a man-made incident, he could endanger the life of everyone in the world.

The world is in danger.

Someone is scheming to ruin us all; someone evil like that is among us. And I have to track that person down.

That's why I've been closely observing the humanoid energies around me for a while.

{Volcano goes up to the 2nd floor of a black minus to eat warmed-up food and falls.}

{I want to eat the lucky meat that died ten times but resurrected a hundred times.}

{I throw a telephone receiver into a 4-dimensional pocket because the trash bin is full.}

{The unrivaled adventures of Hutch the Honeybee are living tourmalines.}

As they s.h.i.+mmer, the energies give off signals on a different wavelength that, while barely converted into my language, make no sense whatsoever.

However, I can make out a difference in volume.

Slowly but surely, their voices (?) grow louder and their flickering stronger.

Maybe I'm getting closer to the bad guy.

Last time, their abnormal behavior stopped while I was investigating, but I don't feel any signs of that happening again. I might be able to find him this time around.

—The uncanny conjurer who could easily extinguish three lives.

———

That's right... I'm about to run into a horrible foe...

Only now noticing this fact, my feet sink into cement and my steps become slower.

Besides... How do I know that his victims add up to just three? The only reason why I a.s.sociated their deaths with the anomaly that occurred to the humanoid energies is because they were all suicides that happened in succession at the same school. I don't know if they're even related to the anomaly I observed.

On the other hand, you can also say that there might be numerous undiscovered victims that I could not tie to this menace.

Come to think of it... the suicide rate has been growing lately. Hey, what if that's partly due to the criminal I'm about to meet? That's by no means unlikely; not only would killing someone with humanoid energies leave behind no evidence, it wouldn't even be noticed.

What am I going to do, meeting a person like that?

Sure, I can perceive humanoid energies. But that's about it. Apart from that, I'm just a normal girl who may have hit p.u.b.erty earlier than others, and has received dozens of confessions already, and primarily hangs around with Kazuaki instead of other girls. Probably.

What is a girl like me going to do against a heinous criminal like that? Persuade him? Would my words really get through? Would he leave someone who knows his secret alive?

My legs stop completely.

But—

But if he were to extend his deadly hands toward Kazuaki...

My buried legs come free from the cement and I start moving forward again.

I'm afraid... I really am, but...

I have no other choice.

{Corn rings with gleaming rainbows in the background.}

{After bathing in Nattou, Watanabe-san's car travels through through time as it flies through the air.}

{A club-wielding maid brings Nagatacho's meat shreds into motion.}

The voices (?) become louder.

The sentences are as devoid of meaning as before, but the weight of their words has changed. With crackling tension they reverberate through my body, p.r.i.c.kling my brains like with a mechanical pencil.

A grudge? I think to myself as I notice a core of a humanoid energy. A type of energy that would normally only get transported to people who were caught up in their nets flows to me.

I feel nauseated. Like on the day of my worst menstruation.

I want to curl up immediately, but I mustn't. There's someone I have to meet. I must meet her.

...Huh? Her?

Why do I know her gender?

I pull myself up and stagger into the park before me. Except for a few children with their parents near the sandpit, there's n.o.body besides me.

n.o.body.

I stand before an old, weathered wooden bench. I don't know what to say. I don't know if it possesses the ability of language, anyway. However, I can't just stand here, so I try speaking to it.

”Hey, what are you doing here?”

She raises her head.

”Ah—” I groan in surprise.

Her features were absurdly beautiful.

But what surprised me more than anything was the fact that I—

”Reina... Kamisu.”

—knew the name of that phenomenon.

2

”Doctor, I think I'll cancel our meetings.”

Doctor Mihara looks at me, slightly astonished, and asks, ”Why?”

”I only came here because I needed support back then, didn't I?”

He gives me a small nod.

”So you are not in need of support anymore?”

”Yes, I'm not. The fits of depression I used to have are gone, and so is my aversion against talking to others,” I explain and decide to add something I experienced the other day when I was waiting here, ”and I don't rush out of this room screaming.”

A few wrinkles appear in the doctor's brow.

”Who,” he says after a short pause, ”are you talking about?”

”I'm talking about the boy who was often here before me. If I recall correctly, he was wearing the uniform of our school. He b.u.mped into me the other day, didn't he? What's his name again?”

”...I am afraid that I cannot talk to you about my other clients.”

”Not even his name? Whatever. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him lately.”

His mien darkens clearly.

”He is not going to... come again.”

”Is that so...?”

”Yes,” he nods.

I doubt they would just discontinue his mental treatment in that condition; did something happen? Seeing how he ran away screaming, there must be a reason why he didn't want to come anymore.

But I have a strange gut feeling about this.

After all, that boy is a student of the s.h.i.+kura middle school. Given that he was under mental treatment, it's more than possible that he had a reason for suicide, so he might be among the three suicide victims.

Judging from Doctor Mihara's bitter mien, he must know the truth. I refrain from asking more, however, because his personality would not allow him to answer me.

”At any rate, you said you want to cancel our meetings?” he says, getting back on topic, ”in my view, it is a bit early for that.”

”I know, Doctor. You're right in that my wounds have not yet healed up; I'm not my former self yet, either.”

”That's not the problem,” he argues. ”These wounds will accompany you through your entire life, and you will not be able to return to your uninjured former self anymore.”

”Where lies the problem, then?” I ask.

”I am hesitant to believe that you have really recovered from the shock.”

”But in that case, wouldn't I be coming here for the rest of my life?”

The doctor pauses for a moment. ”Still... it is still too early.”

I get worked up a little; is he claiming that I'm weird?

Therefore, I object:

”Doctor. Let me be frank. We're not a wealthy household. The bill for this psychological therapy cuts pretty deep into our budget!”

”......” He lapses into silence as I bring up my monetary circ.u.mstances.

”Maybe you're right and I haven't fully recovered from the shock yet, but I'm confident that with the support of my parents and the few friends I have—like Kazuaki—I will be able to get better.”

”I do not disagree with that. However, I feel that you are still in need of a specialist like me.”

”Why?” I ask, somewhat irritated.

”...Very well, let me explain my concerns: I feel that you have delusional tendencies.”

”...Delusional tendencies?” I ask in response to his unexpected claim. I have trouble seeing what he is referring to.

”Yes. I do not know how developed that inclination was when you first came here because you would not open yourself up to anyone... but I think that those delusional tendencies have become stronger as you regained your vitality.”

”Huh? Do you mean I threw away my common sense in order to come to terms?” I ask.

”I cannot say for sure. I do surmise, however, that in order to protect yourself from the deep wound you sustained, you were forced to alter various things that would otherwise have caused more damage, including a certain sense of values.”

”...In other words, you want to say that I'm still closing myself off?”

”I do not fully agree with the nuance of that... but that might be close. As I said earlier, it is by no means a bad thing to change. The problem is the direction of your change. Of course, I think that it is better than staying wounded, but I do not consider it a solution.”

After carefully digesting his words, I object:

”Stop kidding me.”

”Wakui-san...”

”I'm still weird, eh? That's not true! I've become normal again!” I scream, evoking more anger that comes welling up. ”Enough! I'm sick and tired! You've seen me for the last time!”

With these words, I stand up and turn away from him.

”Wakui-san!”

Ignoring the words he throws after me, I leave his office.

There was no going back anymore.

I went to school as usual the next day.

My chin rested on the desk, I'm eagerly waiting for the chime to ring. Because of the slow pace the clock is moving at, I think back at the therapy session yesterday.

I think I got a bit too hysteric. I'm sorry for Doctor Mihara. He only stated his honest opinion, nothing more.

That said, I say to myself as I recall his words from yesterday.

Delusional? Me?

I admit, my fixed opinion on the existence of humanoid energies might seem delusional from a certain common-sense-influenced perspective. However, I have carefully elaborated the underlying logic for this theory; I'm in the right. If anything, I'm one step ahead of the average Joe.

Anyway, that doesn't really matter in this case: I haven't told the doctor about the humanoid energies.

I'm a patient; a mentally ill person. Because I'm aware of the implications this bears, I have deliberately kept from informing him so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

That means that... he views me as delusional even without the story about humanoid energies?

...That's nonsense. I'm normal. No matter which of my limbs you take a look into, I look completely normal and off-the-rack.

And yet, and yet! You treat me like a mentally ill person!

Getting upset again, I kick Kazuaki who is sitting next to me.

”Ouch!”

Idiot! Why do you cry out...?

As a natural consequence, the eyes of the cla.s.s—the teacher's included—gather on Kazuaki. Feigning ignorance, I look at my notebook and start writing random characters.

”What was that for...?!” he complains quietly, scowling at me reproachfully, after everyone's attention returned to the lesson.

”Just because.”

”So you were that kind of person who doesn't need a reason to beat someone, huh? s.h.i.+zu-chan... sob, sob.”

”'Sob, sob', eh? Who's the girl between us?”

Suddenly, the chime rings and ends our whispered exchange. Going through the routine, we stand up, bow to the teacher, and sit down.

A few moments later, our cla.s.s teacher enters the cla.s.sroom and finishes homeroom with some idle talk. My business at school is over for today.

Immediately after I stand up and say, ”Bye,” Kazuaki approaches me:

”s.h.i.+zuka, wanna go home together?”

”Sorry, but I have something to do again.”

That park is located in the opposite direction from the train station we would use when going home.

In visibly low spirits, Kazuaki mutters, ”...Uh-huh.”

”...Again, Kazuaki, I'm really not avoiding you,” I a.s.sure.

”I know!”

”Then don't pull such a visage.”

”But that appointment takes priority over me, doesn't it?”

Taken by surprise, I search for words.

”Well... that's true, but...”

”Aah, urm, it's okay, it's okay. Sorry for being grumpy.”

Indeed, he's being a little grumpy. Still, I say what I'm supposed to say:

”...Sorry that I can't tag along with you.”

That was enough to bring a smile to his face. Geez, he's such a simple person.

”See you, Kazuaki,” I say as I wave him goodbye. He returns a wave, smiling.

Walking down the corridor, I head toward my shoe locker.

My pace is gradually increasing.

I want to go there, quickly, and see her.

Am I looking forward to seeing her? Hmm? At the very least, it feels different from going to a long-awaited bargain sale. If I were to phrase my current feelings... maybe like going for the first time to your boyfriend's place? Even though you feel only negative things like nervousness, fear and embarra.s.sment, you don't feel bad at all. Like that.

”Um—” a voice suddenly disturbs me, however.

I look up to confirm whose voice that was, and recognize one of the C2 duo, Hozumi s.h.i.+ki, coming down the stairs.

”If that's not Hozumi-chan from the C2s,” I remark in response.

”...What's 'C2'?”

”The name of your girl group. Ah, um, forget it.”

C2 stands for ”the two chibis.”

”Anyway,” I continue, ”what do you want from me? I'm in a hurry.”

”I, um... would like to discuss something with you, concerning Toyos.h.i.+na-senpai.”

Kazuaki Toyos.h.i.+na.

As is pretty obvious from her usual att.i.tude, Hozumi-chan—that short but busty (D cup, I bet my s.h.i.+rt!) girl—has a crush on Kazuki. Like, she's all over him. You wouldn't believe that a calm-looking girl like her would be so offensive when it comes to Kazuaki. Although only when backed up by the other part of the C2 duo, Yos.h.i.+no Mitsui.

Hm, this matter is interesting enough to spare a few minutes. I haven't set a time for my appointment with her after all. I'm not even sure if the concept of time exists for her.

”Fine, let's talk.”

”Thank you,” she replies. ”Let's find us a better place to talk.”

”Sure. How about the canteen?”

Hozumi-chan nods and follows me.

Waiting for her to start talking, I take a gulp from a paper cup and savor the taste of the orange juice. Hozumi-chan hasn't spoken a word since she sat down even though she was the one who asked me here.

Hm... should I expect a somewhat serious discussion here?

I think she knows that I've noticed her feelings for Kazuaki, and I think she also knows that I can't give her a hand in that matter.

I could've sworn that she planned to talk about that through, but maybe I was wrong?

As I start looking closely at her, Hozumi-chan lowers her gaze bashfully. She's by far not as offensive as she usually is... Because Yos.h.i.+no-chan's not with her? Or does she only get offensive when it comes to getting Kazuaki's attention?

”...Urm...” she finally squeezes out.

”Hm?”

”Are you, Wakui-san, and Toyos.h.i.+na-senpai only childhood friends?”

Having antic.i.p.ated a question along those lines, I don't move a muscle.

”Oh my, you could've just asked Kazuaki.”

”I did.”

”Hm? Ah, yeah, he's easier to approach than me, isn't he? What did he say? Ah, no, it's OK. I can tell. But I see... so you realized that we are likely to give you a different answer to that question.”

”...” She remains silent.

”Out of interest, do we look like mere childhood friends?”

Hozumi-chan ponders for a few moments. ”No, you don't...”

I nod at her response.

”You're right. A mere childhood friend wouldn't choose the same high school just to stay together, nor would that person beg his teacher to put their seats next to each other, nor would that person toy happily with the other part's hair.”

”...Who's who?”

”Do you really want to know?”

Hozumi-chan casts her eyes downward and lapses into silence again.

I take another gulp from my orange juice, deliberately drinking from it slowly because I don't know how long she is going to stay silent.

It isn't before I put the emptied paper cup onto the table that she continues.

”...How should I deal with that?” Hozumi-chan whispers low-spiritedly.

”What do you mean by that? Are you restraining yourself for him...? No, you were aware of that all along. You're restraining yourself for me, right?”

After a few moments of wavering, she finally nods.

”Don't mind me,” I say.

Surprised, Hozumi-chan looks up at me.

”What's up with that face? Didn't expect me to say that?”

”B-But... you both love each other no matter how you look at it...”

”No matter how you look at it? Also when you look at us?” I ask.

”Probably...”

”You're unsure? Even though we're talking about the boy that's always on your mind?”

”...Yes,” she replies honestly.

”I see. That means that you, Hozumi-chan, have a better idea of us than those unspecified people that view us as a couple.”

”Huh...?”

”I don't know Kazuaki's thoughts on this, but I for one have no idea how you could describe our relations.h.i.+p.”

”You don't...?”

”Mm.”

Hozumi-chan takes a few moments to think about the reason why I phrased it that way. At last, she comes to an answer.

”Does that mean that I don't have to restrain myself for you?” she asks.

After a short pause, I reply, ”Sure.”

”Good...,” she says with a blatant smile, which she is trying to hide, ”I always felt bad about you.”

”I know that you did,” I confess as I hold the empty cup against my lips, ”but don't resent me for that. I couldn't just tell you to ignore me and hit on him to your heart's content, could I?”

”...Yes,” Hozumi-chan says, her face gloomy-looking again.

”Ah, I'm not being sarcastic here, okay? ...In fact, I'd rather Kazuaki found someone else other than me.”

She is visibly surprised by that fact. Geez...will her face ever stay put for a while?

”I don't know if a day will come when I can answer his feelings for me. Maybe not, and I'd keep him waiting. Therefore, I think it's for his sake if I left him to a girl like you, Hozumi-chan,” I explain and she listens. While putting down and picking up the cup for no particular reason, I continue, ”He ought to learn that I'm not the only girl there is. Because he... only ever paid attention to me.”

Hozumi-chan remains silent, her face cast down. After a while, she looks up and looks me deep in the eyes.

”I won't... hold back anymore!” she says with a calm but resolute voice.

Slightly unsettled by her straight gaze, I avert my eyes a little bit.

”And I just told you that's okay, didn't I?” I answer—with a voice slightly quieter than before.

Still fixed on my face, she nods, ”...I see.” She let's out a short sigh I almost overlooked. ”Thank you for your time. See you...”

”Yeah, see you.”

Hozumi-chan picks up her bag and, after giving me a brief bow, leaves without looking back.

As I gaze at my empty paper cup, I ask myself:

...Hey s.h.i.+zuka. Are you serious?

I wonder? I think I am. I think so... but somehow I'm not fully comfortable with what I said. I feel a bit like I were trying to make myself believe a drawn apple was a real one.

I gaze at the chair in front of me that's still pulled away from the table.

Hozumi-chan.

She's a good girl. No doubt about that. Even I have to admit that she's pretty. Every normal boy would fall for her almost instantly if she wanted them to.

But what of it?

She's a good girl, so what? She's pretty, so what? Does that make her suitable for Kazuaki?

I try to imagine not me but her standing besides Kazuaki.

...No, I can't. I can't imagine that.

However... there is something I'm grateful of her.

Only thanks to her could I remain level-headed like this—because she didn't probe into my actual feelings for Kazuaki.

A tingling sensation runs through my head like a swarm of ants. I feel nauseated even though my stomach is perfectly fine.

I—

—crushed the paper cup in my hand.

The talk with Hozumi-chan has affected me, no doubt, but that's no reason to change my plans; I head to her.

I don't know when and where she is waiting, but I know that she's there.

The humanoid energies are flickering again, frantically trying to break into someone's body.

{Unforgivable. Unforgivable. Your new website is unforgivable.}

{I love you. Iloveyou. I love you, giant vs. Yakult.}

{I know your secret! You take off your trousers when you go to the toilet!}

It's getting dangerous—their words are starting to make sense to me. I'm slowly starting to see the underlying feelings of their cryptic messages.

A tingling pain runs through my body.

I instinctively realize that it's dangerous to understand their language. Understanding them is equivalent to being able to communicate with them, and communicating with them requires opening myself to them for the duration of the conversation. They are not going to let that chance slip.

I try to disregard them like I would ignore those people distributing free tissues.

I just have to avoid contact with them, that's all. I just have to ignore the fact that they're not just roughly shaped like humans anymore, but possess human silhouettes by now.

Ignoring them with all my might, I find myself at the same park as the other day again. She is sitting on the same bench as previously.

The first thing I ask her, who is absurdly beautiful, is:

”Hey, is it because of you that I can now see the outlines of humanoid energies?”

”'You',” she says instead of answering my question. Apparently, she is not addressing me, but repeating the word I used to refer to her. ”Call me Reina. In return, I'll also call you s.h.i.+zuka. Okay?”

”I don't mind...” I answer warily.

”s.h.i.+zuka it is, then. Did you consider my offer?”

Heh, my question got ignored.