Part 38 (2/2)

She watched his eyes fill up again, and hers did the same. Finally he swallowed and found his voice. ”After you went back to Tim, I had a little chat with G.o.d and realized you were right. Love-real love-is a decision.” He nodded once. ”So I decided 346 then and there I was going to love you the way you wanted to be loved. And that meant letting you go.”

The baby stirred. Ryan adjusted his position and spoke in little more than a whisper. ”It was a decision to-” His voice broke, and he hung his head for a minute as a single tear fell onto Jessie's cheek. Ryan sucked in a quick breath and wiped the wet spot with his thumb. Then he looked up at Kari. ”A decision to love you in a way that nearly killed me.”

There it was.

His real feelings were out in the open, and she could think of nothing to say.

The loss of Tim was still too raw, too recent, for Kari to even begin reading her heart on all she felt now in Ryan's presence.

Ryan's face grew more serious, and he blinked back another tear. ”I'm sorry about Tim. That's not how ...” He inhaled sharply and stared at the ceiling for a moment before returning his attention to Kari. ”I'm sorry.”

The tears flowed freely down Kari's cheeks now, and she nodded. ”Me too. We were ... we were moving in the right direction.” They were quiet awhile. Eventually Ryan looked down at the baby and allowed himself a crooked smile. ”She's perfect. A complete miracle.”

Kari waited a minute, her eyes fixed on her little girl's- dainty features. ”So ... you're in New York?”

”Yes.” He c.o.c.ked his head, studying her. ”Coaching the Giants.” She nodded.

”That's what I heard.” Her mind searched for something neutral to say. ”How's it going.?”

”It's good.” He smiled sadly. ”I miss home, but you know I've always wanted to coach at that level.”

She sank back against her pillow and soaked in the sight of him-strong and handsome and familiar, cradling her newborn with awkward tenderness. Her heart refused to do any more than that; the possibilities on either side of her private path of pain were more than she could consider. It was too soon or 347 maybe too late ever to go back. Either way, this was neither the time nor place to consider what might lie ahead.

Besides, Ryan's life was in New York now, and hers was here with her family.

Where it would always be.

She forced her emotions into check. ”When do you go back?” ”I took a week off.

If it's okay, I thought I might help you get settled or something.” He grinned.

”You know, leap tall buildings, change diapers, that sort of thing.”

She smiled, sad and thoughtful, and glanced at the plush toy eagle, the one Tim had bought before he was killed, nestled at the foot of Jessie's hospital crib.

He should have been here, should have been sitting across from her holding their daughter, cooing at her.

Kari closed her eyes for a moment. Somehow, someway, Tim was there, smiling down at them from his place in heaven, his place of redemption.

The thought filled her with equal parts of peace and pain. ”Tim was so excited about the baby. We were learning....” Ryan had no answer, just listened. Watched her face. Waited for her to say more.

All she could manage was small talk. ”I'm keeping the house.” She gazed briefly at little Jessie. ”I'll stay at my parents' for a few weeks, but when I'm back on my feet, the baby and I will go home.”

Ryan leaned forward in the padded hospital chair, carefully balancing the sleeping child. ”It'll take time. Getting on with life again.”

She sniffed. ”Yes.”

His eyes grew dim, glazed with things he wasn't saying, feelings he knew better than to express. He blinked and the moment pa.s.sed.

”Well, Kari girl-” he gave her a half-smile-”the way I see it, you could use a friend. Someone to listen and take walks with. Maybe hold the bottle when you're feeling tired.” He shrugged. ”At least until I leave.”

348 A dozen questions came to her mind at the possibility, but the lump in her throat was too thick to voice them all. Instead, she smiled through her tears and asked the only one that mattered. ”Then what?”

Ryan reached out and gently ma.s.saged the tips of her fingers. ”I'll always be a phone call away. Whenever you need me, Kari. No matter how many miles are between us, I'll be here for you.”

Kari waited a moment, studying him, feeling safe and protected as she always did with him. ”I'd like that.”

She pictured the coming days-she and her daughter going home to the temporary nursery set up at her parents' house, having Ryan stop in to visit and watching him hold Jessie, sharing these tender next few days with him.

Saying good-bye at the end of the week.

She locked eyes with him, remembering the pa.s.sages of time they'd walked through together. All her life she'd been saying good-bye to Ryan Taylor. This would be just one more.

She sighed.

As with so many times before, there was no way to predict what tomorrow held for either of them. In some ways they'd come full circle. And though they might not see each other again for a month or even a year, Ryan was right. He would be there for her.

And somehow ... somehow for today that would be enough.

349 MORE ABOUT THE Baxter FAMILY Please turn this page for a bonus excerpt from REMEMBER the second book in the REDEMPTION SERIES.

by Gary Smalley and Karen Kingsbury 350.

350.

351 From REMEMBER

by Gary Smalley and Karen Kingsbury

CHAPTER ONE.

DR. JOHN Baxter GOT news of the apartment fire the moment he arrived at St.

Anne's Hospital this afternoon. An emergency-room nurse flagged him down, her face stricken.

”Stay near by. We might need you. An apartment complex is burning to the ground.

A couple of families trapped inside. At least two fatalities already.”

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