Part 29 (2/2)

And as he drove off into the night, the pain within him both deep and rewarding, he knew he was no longer a child when it came to the ways of love.

He was a man.

261.

Kari SLIPPED HER HANDS into the pockets of a brand-new pair of navy twill pants, angled her body expertly, and smiled over her shoulder as a series of camera clicks went off.

Eight days had pa.s.sed since she and Tim had gotten home from the intensive marriage seminar, the one Pastor Mark had told her about. Tim had been eager to go, more than willing to rearrange his cla.s.s schedule for the chance to begin what would be a lifetime of healing between the two of them.

The two days had been amazing. She and Tim had talked intently with the counselors until it was clear what motivated each of them and how they affected each other-their dance, the counselors called it. The things they'd learned about themselves and their relations.h.i.+p in those scant forty-eight hours had been more revealing than all their combined communication with each other to that point.

Forgiveness happens once, the counselors had told them. Healing takes a lifetime.

Kari angled her head and smiled for the camera again. Already she knew with every fiber of her being that she had 262.

made the right choice-a painful choice, but the right one all the same. Pastor Mark had connected them with a counselor whose specialty is with marriages in crisis, and they had seen the man three times before the seminar.

The photographer lowered his camera. ”Perfect, Kari, beautiful. Now from the other side.”

The genius behind the camera was Henry T. Canistelli, renowned catalog photographer, a man Kari affectionately called Hank. Nearly all of Kari's memorable catalog work had come from his hands.

Kari s.h.i.+fted and produced another smile.

”Kari, baby, the camera loves that face. Give it to me over the shoulder.”

It felt good to get back to work. The staff at the modeling agency was grateful that whatever issues had caused her to need a break were apparently resolved.

”We'll work you full body until you're showing; then we'll do maternity spreads and face work,” her agent told her. ”I can keep you busy until you go into labor.”

The current job was a six-hour shoot at a desirable studio in Indianapolis.

Despite the hot lights and the demand to look flawless, it was mindless work.

Studio work always was. Outdoor shoots were something else entirely-keeping bugs from being attracted to her hair spray, working with natural lighting and weather conditions, freezing in the winter and sweltering in the summer-and trying to look good through all of it.

With all she had on her mind these days, she was grateful her agent had lined up six consecutive studio jobs. She'd get through those, then take another break for the holidays.

”That's the way, Kari.” Hank grinned at her over the top of his camera. He was thirty years her senior, with a New York accent thicker than fog. ”Perfect.

Let's try the other shoulder. The friendly-young-mother look you're so good at.”

She turned her back to him and glanced over the shoulder as if 263 she were looking back at a trail of children or smiling at a best friend's joke. After Hank finished clicking, Kari relaxed. ”It's all you, Hank. I just show up. You make the magic.”

Hank adjusted a French beret on his head and chuckled. ”You got that wrong, pretty girl. I've worked the business for years, and talent like yours doesn't come along often. Wife, lover, friend, girl-next-door, you name it. Any look you want and ageless beauty to boot-that's what you've got.”

Kari laughed, enjoying the easy banter she and Hank always shared. ”Well, then, I guess I better thank the good-”

Hank held up his hand and interrupted her. ”I know, I know-” he raised his tone in friendly imitation-”'I better thank the good Lord because he made me look like this and I wouldn't be nothin' without him.”' Hank nodded his head patiently, as if he'd heard the explanation a hundred times. ”Well, you never know, kid. Maybe there's something to that faith of yours.” He wiggled his fingers in her direction as if he were casting a spell. ”Maybe that explains the unearthly sparkle in your eyes.” He shrugged. ”Whatever it is, if you could bottle it, you'd make millions.”

In response Kari merely smiled and pointed heavenward. Hank's view of G.o.d was jaded at best, but Kari figured she was in his life for a reason-even if only a few times a month at photo shoots. Besides, she couldn't help but like him.

Five more outfits needed to be photographed. Kari gathered up the next one and headed toward the dressing room.

While she was changing, she thought about the second day at the marriage seminar, the day the breakthrough had happened.

”It comes down to your fears,” one of the counselors had explained. ”When a relations.h.i.+p isn't working, fears are usually the base of the trouble.”

He asked them to think about their greatest fears regarding each other, and after five minutes of silence, tears had filled Tim's eyes. He looked at the counselor and swallowed hard.

264 ”She loved Ryan Taylor before she loved me. How was I supposed to measure up to that?”

”So what's your fear?” the counselor asked Tim, his voice tender, quiet. Even before Tim could answer, Kari felt a new sense of understanding wash over her.

”I guess-” he s.h.i.+fted his gaze to Kari-”I guess I always thought I wasn't good enough for you. I thought you deserved someone better.”

The woman counselor interjected. ”And what about you, Kari? What is your deepest fear where Tim is concerned?”

Kari remembered the way Tim's friends had responded to her at the faculty party.

The answer was simple. ”I was afraid I wasn't smart enough.”

They talked about coping behaviors and how people always responded to their fears one way or another. In this case, Tim had coped by spending time with a woman who appreciated his intelligence. Kari, though, had handled her fear by withdrawing from Tim and busying herself with activities that made her feel competent.

”So you see the dance,” the male counselor said to Tim. ”The busier Kari became, the deeper your sense of rejection grew, and the more attracted you were to the other woman. It was a dance in which the steps took you farther apart every day.”

Tim and Kari had stared at each other, amazed at the aptness of the counselor's description.

”At this point in your marriage,” the counselor went on, ”there are three anchors available to you, anchors that-if you choose to use them-will keep your marriage from destruction. If you choose to ignore these anchors, you probably can't expect your marriage to survive.”

Tim took her hand while the man spoke. Though she still had feelings of doubt and anger and moments when her heart wanted to think about Ryan, the feel of her hand in Tim's was more comforting than she had expected.

The counselor turned his attention to Tim. ”First, because of 265 your tendency to binge drink, you should give up any form of alcohol completely.”

”I tried that.”

”Now that we're making it part of your counseling, if you can't stop on your own, you need to check out one of the Christian treatment programs. We'll give you a list.”

He barely paused, but s.h.i.+fted his gaze to include Kari. ”Second, you should be completely faithful to each other, both emotionally and physically.”

”And most important of all,” the woman counselor interjected, ”you should both commit to understanding your individual fears and changing the way you cope. And that means the ”d-word” -divorce- should not be included in your vocabulary.”

The male counselor, nodded. ”Remember, each of these anchors is up to you. By making these choices, you will be able to change the steps to your dance and work toward healing.”

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