Part 28 (2/2)

”I'm your wife, and I'm pregnant.” Kari stood and sat on the bed across from him, tears now flowing freely down her face. ”I need to be home. I need you.”

She moved closer. His breath caught in his throat as he felt her hand on his shoulder, and he was instantly alert. ”I'm here because I still believe in what we have. What we could have. We've got problems, but I believe G.o.d can heal us.”

Each word, each syllable painted hope and life and possibility into areas of his heart that had been dead and buried. She was willing to forgive him after all.

He deserved nothing but her wrath, but here she was, telling him they still had a chance. That she was willing to stay with him and have his child.

251 In his mind, one by one, he began to count off the reasons she should leave him. Angela, the lying, the drinking-all of it. Every bad decision he'd made s.h.i.+fted like a ton of dirt onto his back, and he knew he couldn't draw another breath until he got out from beneath it.

He met her eyes and silently begged her to believe the thing he was about to say. ”I'm really sorry, Kari. So sorry.” He moved his fingertips to the side of her face to convince himself she was really there, sitting beside him after all he'd done to her.

She opened her mouth, but no words would come. She simply nodded, her face red and tearstained. Then, as if she couldn't hold herself up any longer, she fell slowly against him. Tentatively and with fear in his heart, he brought his hand to the small of her back and held her while she sobbed.

Tim had no idea how much time pa.s.sed, but finally he heard her draw a shaky breath. ”I want ... I want us to be together again. But I don't know.” She sniffed. ”We ... we need counseling.”

If she expected an argument, he had none to give. Tim nodded quickly as some of the weight eased from his shoulders. ”I'll call Pastor Mark.”

She was still leaning against him, and he felt the tears return. ”I'm sorry. I didn't plan to fall apart.”

”Kari, don't.” The idea of her apologizing now, in light of all he'd done, was too much for him to bear. He knew better than to breathe, knew that even the slightest movement of air in or out of his body would release a torrent of emotion he was not equipped to handle.

When his lungs were about to burst, he grabbed three quick breaths and gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as a torrent of sorrow released within him.

Then he wept as he'd never wept in his life.

Eventually his other hand came around Kari's back, and he held her close, the kind of embrace he'd seen once on a news program when a man had wrongly received word of his wife's death in a plane crash. When the two were reunited at the air 252 port, cameras had been on hand to capture the moment. The depth of feeling in the hug between those people was something Tim remembered to this day.

Now he knew what the man had felt.

Because until Tim woke and found Kari sitting across from him, everything in his life had been doomed. He had no right to what she was offering, no reason to feel worthy. Yet here she was offering him a new chance at life and everything that went along with it.

When he was able to catch his breath, he whispered words that he meant with every fiber of his being.

”Kari, I promise ... I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

253.

A WEEK HAD Pa.s.sED SINCE Kari returned to her house, and still Ryan could think of nothing else. It was Monday night, and the coaching staff was meeting after school to discuss playoffs. The Clear Creek Golden Bears had their first chance at a state t.i.tle in ten years, and the coaches wanted to be unified in their approach.

”You with us, Taylor?” Head coach John Sicora shouted at him from the opposite end of the table. ”Which game are you thinking about, anyway-ours or the one on TV tonight?”

The others in the room laughed, and Ryan forced a chuckle. ”Sorry. Got a lot on my mind.”

”Well, disengage it, will you?” It was Tommy Schroeder, another a.s.sistant.

”You're too quiet. Any playoff plan we make won't be worth the dirt we play on if you're not part of it.”

Ryan sat up straighter in his seat and diverted his gaze for a moment, embarra.s.sed by the compliment. Yes, he had a talent for coaching, but he was nothing without the rest of the staff. He smiled at the group of men seated around him at the table. He had no idea what they'd been talking about, but he trusted their decisions completely.

254 ”What about the corner blitz?” Sicora leaned back in his chair. ”Do we use it against these quicker teams or not?”

The meeting lasted an hour longer than necessary, with talk of getting together afterward for pizza and Monday Night Football. Ryan quietly left during the conversation and slipped out of the building before anyone could razz him about being antisocial.

The night air hit him like a slap in the face, and he gazed up at the sky. The ceiling of snow clouds was so low he could almost touch it. Normally Ryan loved the first snow of the season. Any other time, the gathering of coaches would have been at his house, anch.o.r.ed near his big-screen TV, warmed by a roaring blaze in the fireplace.

But since he and Kari had parted, nothing felt right. Worse, the hurt that racked his heart showed no signs of lessening as time pa.s.sed. Just the opposite.

Now, as he made his way to the car, he remembered a conversation he'd had with his mother two weeks after his football injury, the one that had nearly paralyzed him.

He'd been lying on the hospital bed, staring out the window, trying to imagine why he hadn't heard from Kari, when his mother entered the room.

There was silence between them for a long time before his mother finally spoke.

”I think it might be broken, son.”

Ryan remembered the confusion he'd felt at her statement. He turned slowly so he could see her. His neck was healing well by then, but it was still difficult to turn. ”What?”

”Your heart.” She leveled her gaze at him. ”There's a big hole there where a girl named Kari used to be.”

He had sighed and let his focus settle on the ceiling. ”Where is she? Why hasn't she called?”

His mother waited before answering him. ”I don't have the answers, but I know this: You'll recover from your back injury.” Her voice grew soft. ”But if you let Kari Baxter get away, you might never be the same again.”

255 Ryan climbed into his truck as the memory faded. All these years later he was still right where he'd been that afternoon in the hospital bed. Not sure how he was going to survive without her. Especially after finding her again.

There was one difference this time. He hadn't let Kari get away; he'd consciously helped her go. She wanted to make her marriage work, and Ryan believed deep in his soul she was making the right decision. A G.o.d-centered decision.

He remembered some of what Kari told him about Tim Jacobs, the man she'd married. The man who didn't love her enough to be faithful. Ryan was simply amazed by her desire to stand by the man even after his affair. If she had been timid and dependent on Tim, the type of woman who never spoke up for herself, Ryan might have understood.

But Kari Baxter?

He chuckled out loud as he started the truck and pulled out of the school parking lot.

The high school stories about Kari were legendary. Although everyone wanted to be her friend or prom date, no one at school had to wonder about her thoughts on the typical teenage vices-drinking, drugs, s.e.x, and even breaking curfew. Not that she was perfect. She got in trouble for talking during cla.s.s or pa.s.sing notes. But the really bad temptations were never a problem for Kari.

The moment she'd walk into a party, beer cans would begin to disappear. She'd look around, eyes sparkling with a joy that couldn't be bought in a bottle or bag. ”I hope you guys aren't drinking, because that is so not cool.”

In her presence her peers wanted to be clean. If it was good enough for Kari Baxter, it was good enough for them.

In fact, the more Ryan thought about it, the more he admired what Kari had done in going back to Tim. It hadn't been because she was weak-willed or lacking a backbone. No, she could have gone back only by G.o.d's grace, by asking him to honor her decision to love and help her stay strong in it.

256 Ryan remembered something she had told him about her motivation, and now he replayed it in his mind. ”I really believe that love is a decision. I decided to love Tim Jacobs for better or worse. ”

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