Part 23 (2/2)

It was about that time that Kari first began to sense a change in him. His letters and phone calls were briefer. He talked more about what he was doing and less about what they would do together.

Then, toward the end of the season, Kari and Brooke flew out to Oklahoma to watch Ryan play and meet some of his teammates. He was obviously glad to see her, but he was just as obviously caught up in how many yards he'd gotten and how many he'd get the next game. He spoke about little but opposing defenses and pa.s.sing routes and offensive strategies. He took her to parties where he and his friends were so caught up in football talk that he had almost no time alone with her.

It was on that trip that Kari realized what was happening. First place in Ryan's life no longer belonged to her. It belonged to football.

”You're really serious about this, aren't you?” Her question came late that Sat.u.r.day night as he said good night outside the hotel room she was sharing with Brooke.

Ryan shrugged, and she saw the answer in his eyes. ”When I'm out there, running plays, catching pa.s.ses-” His eyes drifted heavenward, and he shook his head. ”I don't know ... it's like I'm the wind, and nothing can stop me.”

The next year was more or less the same. Fewer phone calls, 203 shorter visits home. When he did make it to Indiana, they still attended church together, still promised their love to each other. Still talked about sharing a future together. But the talk grew more and more vague.

By the spring of his senior year, Ryan's letters had all but stopped, though he still called occasionally and his mother kept her posted in the meantime. By that time, the ache of missing him had softened to a kind of wistful loneliness.

Kari studied hard, kept herself busy, even went on occasional dates with friends-but she always made it clear she was waiting for Ryan.

Whenever he was ready to be serious about their relations.h.i.+p. In May of his senior year, he told her he wouldn't be coming home for the summer. He was scheduled to try out at several NFL camps, and he had decided he could stay more focused between tryouts by staying in Norman.

”You watch,” he told her on the phone, ”I'm gonna get drafted. Coach is sure of it.”

Then, in late July, she was chopping vegetables for soup when the phone rang.

”Kari, you won't believe it!” Ryan was breathless on the other end. There was static in the background, and she guessed he was at a pay phone. ”They offered me a contract!”

Her pulse quickened. ”Who? What do you mean?” It had been a month since he'd last called, and she wasn't sure what city he was in, let alone what he was excited about.

”The Cowboys.” He let out a hoot that echoed in her ears. ”Can you believe it?”

”That's great.” Kari wasn't sure how to respond. ”What happens now?”

”I join them for summer training. Then in fall I move to Dallas. Preseason starts in late August.”

A dozen questions banged about in her head. What about us, Ryan? Where do I fit in? Haven't I been patient? Haven't we waited long enough? She swallowed all of them. ”Congratulations.”

204 Her voice was as upbeat as she could make it. ”Are you coming home first?”

”There's no time.” He was silent a moment. ”Training camp begins first thing tomorrow.”

A chilly breeze pulled her from the memory, and she tightened her jacket more closely around herself. Ryan glanced at her. ”What're you thinking?”

She smiled. ”About yesterday.”

”Yesterday?” He was still holding her hand, and he slid closer to her on the bench. The warmth of his body worked its way through her, and she knew she couldn't pull away if she wanted to. ”You look cold.”

”Mmm. Yeah, I guess.”

He gazed out at his fis.h.i.+ng line. ”How many yesterdays ago?” ”A few.”

”Yes.” His eyes narrowed. ”I've done that a lot myself lately.” Kari dug her elbows into her knees and propped her chin on her hands. ”We had our chances.”

Ryan reeled in his line and cast it again at another angle. ”Why was I so stupid? Lots of guys were married and doing great for the Cowboys.” He stared at her, his eyes a deeper green than the lake water. ”What was I thinking?”

”I don't know.”

She hadn't really wanted to venture into this conversation, but clearly it was at the front of both their minds. An eagle soared above the treetops across the lake, and Kari closed her eyes. Something her father told her before Ryan's graduation echoed in her mind. A dozen guys at the university would give their right arm to take you out. If Ryan wanted a serious relations.h.i.+p, you'd know it by now.

Kari opened her eyes and took a drink from her water bottle. Despite her best intentions that this day be nothing more than a diversion on the path to reuniting with Tim, she leaned closer into Ryan's shoulder. Her father had been right. What had happened during Ryan's time with the Cowboys was better left in 205 the past. The accident, the girl -obviously, G.o.d had never intended Kari and Ryan to be together.

Ryan released her hand and reeled in another catch.

”I haven't even caught a sock,” she complained. They both laughed, and she helped him secure the flopping fish. ”It must be your day.”

His hand came over hers as they steadied the line. He caught her eye. ”It is.”

Her heart swelled, and she looked away, suddenly shy. They said little for another hour, and when Ryan had his limit, they boated back to the dock. Kari helped him cut and clean the fish at an outdoor sink near the beach, and together they built a fire in a pit on the sh.o.r.e. ”You didn't know we were catching dinner, did you?” She smiled. ”I guessed.”

He grabbed his backpack and two beach chairs from the back of his truck and set the chairs up near the firepit. From inside his pack he pulled out utensils and plates, everything they needed for a fish fry. Once the fire was started in the pit, he snagged a Frisbee from his backpack. They played for half an hour and then sat side by side while he cooked the fish. When they were finished eating, Ryan stood and held a hand out to her. ”Walk with me?”

The temperatures were falling fast and it was dark, but Kari knew she had no choice. She was seventeen again, crazy in love with Ryan Taylor and wondering how she'd ever found the strength on that fall day to walk away from him.

He kept hold of her hand as they made their way to the sh.o.r.e. Long minutes pa.s.sed before he stopped and took her shoulders, searching her eyes by the light of a crescent moon. ”May I tell you something?”

She couldn't find her voice, so she nodded, her gaze locked on his.

”It wasn't fair what you did to me after the accident.”

Kari was thankful for the cover of night. Otherwise he would have seen the way the blood left her face. ”What I did?” How could he”Just leaving like that. You never even came in to see me.”

206 She moved back a step, and her hands fell to her sides. ”You asked me to wait for you, but you promised me nothing, Ryan. You didn't owe me an explanation. I only wished you would have told me about her before-”

”About who?” Ryan took a step forward and once more placed his hands on her shoulders. ”I loved you, Kari.” He shook his head, and tears glistened in his eyes. ”I know it's too late. No matter what your marriage looks like, you ...

you love him. But I wanted you to know how I felt.”

Her eyes flooded, and she swallowed a lump in her throat. The determination she'd felt days ago to resist temptation, to remember she was a married woman, was fading like a springtime tulip. Her father was right-she shouldn't have come. ”You ... you had a girlfriend in the hospital room, Ryan. What was I supposed to think?”

He opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped. Peace filled his features, and he took her hand once more. ”It's cold. Let's go sit by the fire.”

They walked a few steps, his fingers fitting between hers in a way that was so familiar it scared her. ”I think we have some talking to do.”

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