Part 25 (1/2)
He would not fall victim to mere thoughts. Mind games. His brain had convinced him of something irrational. He would make the best of this. He must. The longer he separated himself from her, the further they would disconnect.
”I want her. I will go to her.”
Yes, he'd kiss her. And it would be as it always had been.
Or he would sooner die.
Bella sorted through the negligee drawer. She normally slept in the buff, but she'd been wearing pajamas lately because it was cold in bed at night.
Severo had been sleeping in the chair so he wouldn't accidentally rub up against her. He probably believed she didn't know, but she was aware in the middle of the night, when her sleep grew light, that he watched her. From afar.
She s.h.i.+vered and swallowed a desperate need to cry.
”You're stronger than this, Bellybean.” Using Seth's nickname for her, she released a teardrop, which slid down her cheek. ”Suck it up. You have far worse things to deal with than a confused boyfriend.” Like how to deal with what she was becoming. She could feel it.
She traced her throat and then her chest. There, at the base of her lungs, was where the pining had first surfaced. It was a burning, like heartburn, but not. It wanted. Craved. And it needed to be slaked.
”The blood hunger,” she whispered, her lower lip wobbling. ”I don't want to do this. I can't drink blood. It would be so much easier...” If she had support. ”Bella?”
Tugging the pink silk nightgown from the drawer and clutching it to her naked body, she turned to find Severo on the other side of the bed. Leather pants, chest bare, looking so handsome. So fine.
Yet no longer yours.
”Is something wrong?”
”Yes, everything,” he replied heavily. A sigh lifted his shoulders. He prowled around the bed to her side. He hadn't stood so close to her in days. Tentatively, he lifted a hand and traced a finger down her arm. The heat of him, his musky male scent cloyed. Her skin tensed in antic.i.p.ation. ”I've been cruel to you.”
The confession stirred her hope. But Bella was not quick to clutch it. ”With good reason.”
”No.” He touched the silk fabric hanging over her forearm. ”I've succ.u.mbed to an ingrained belief. I should not look to the past. I must move beyond. My world, my beliefs and prejudices, are formed, but I need to think about what I am willing to accept. What I think I should believe. I need to change my thinking. You should not go through this alone.”
”You really feel that way?” The heat of his body poured over her like a desert sun, warm and rich. Could she melt against him without fear of him stiffening and pus.h.i.+ng her away? ”I just need you...to hold me.”
”I can do that.”
He embraced her, drawing her against his chest. The thin silk garment slid to the floor, and they stood flesh to flesh. But Bella did not fool herself into thinking he did not flinch. He did. And the embrace was noticeably stiff.
But it was a start.
”You've been feeling the hunger,” he whispered. ”I can see it torment you at night.”
He smoothed her hair, and she remembered how she'd felt so safe in his arms. She wanted to know that feeling again.
”The hunger will only increase,” he said. ”I've no means to understand or deal with what is going on inside you. I think I need to contact a friend.”
”Someone who knows about the transformation?”
”A vampire.”
”But you called him a friend?”
”That may be too generous a term. I've mentioned him before. He is the one vampire in this world I respect. He was once a brain surgeon, and though he heads tribe Kila now, he has fought for peace between the vampire and witch nations. I admire him for his values.”
”So you can accept a vampire.”
He tilted up her chin. ”I will accept a vampire. And I love you, so don't think I could ever stop.”
”I think you've already stopped.” She lifted her quavering chin bravely. ”You just don't realize it yet.”
”That's cruel, Bella. I love you.” Hearing the words forced her to swallow back tears. She nodded. ”But it will be hard.”
”I won't lie and tell you it's going to be easy.”
”And I won't push. I'm just happy to stand in your arms. Will you hold me until I fall asleep?”
”Yes.”
”I'll talk to Bella and get back to you. Thank you, Ivan.”
Severo clicked the cell phone off and swiped a hand over his face.
So he was going through with this. He'd given Nikolaus Drake a call, the vampire he knew he could trust with the situation, but he'd been away in Africa. Instead, his son Ivan had taken the call. He was in Minneapolis for another few weeks.
After Severo explained the situation, Ivan agreed to help.
Not that it was his deal to go through with. It was all about Bella. Or it should be. He'd put on a good face the past few days.
He'd even slept beside her last night, holding her, kissing her. But not on the mouth.
How desperately he wanted to make love to her, but she'd told him it was all right. She'd read his reluctance.
Why could he not get past this?
If he didn't master his feelings now, they would not climb up from this chasm and when she did turn, he would never be able to accept her.
”What's up?” Bella asked as she strode through the kitchen, a book in hand. She wore loose-fitting white yoga pants and a tank top that showed her peaked nipples beneath the fabric, and her hair was swept up in a neat ponytail.
”I spoke to Drake,” Severo said. ”He's out of the country, but his son Ivan is in Minneapolis.”
”Oh. And?”
”I trust the Drakes, Bella. You would be in good hands with either father or son. But with the son you have the added factor that his father is a vampire and his mother a witch. And that vampire father is a phoenix.”
”Is that a good thing?”
”A phoenix vampire has survived a witch's blood attack and has an immunity to the sun. If you chose to accept the transformation, you will have that blood running through your veins.”