Part 16 (1/2)
”Hoot mon! Hoot mon!”
Tammas clutched his stick. The voice was the same, and here it had penetrated the sacred precincts of the church! Nowhere was he safe from insult. Drumsheugh looked up, startled, and the voice began again:
”Gang awa' a-that, a-that, a-that--gang awa'! Oh, ye crittur! oh, ye cow!”
And then a t.i.tter ran through that solemn crowd; for, despite the gravity of the situation, even John Knox himself must have smiled. A great green parrot had flown in at one of the windows, and had perched himself on the pulpit, where, with front undismayed, he addressed the minister:
”Gang awa', gang awa'!” he cried, and preened himself. ”Hoot mon, gang awa'!”
”_Knox n.o.bisc.u.m!_” e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Drumsheugh. ”It's Moggie McPiggert's pairrut,” and he chuckled; and then, as Lang Tammas realized the situation, even he smiled broadly. He had been insulted by a parrot only, and the knowledge of it made him feel better.
The bird was removed and the service proceeded; and later, when it was over, as the two old fellows walked back to Drumsheugh's house in the gathering shades of the night, Lang Tammas said:
”I acquet Drumtochty o' its eensoolts, Drumsheugh, but I've lairnt a lesson this day.”
”What's that?” asked Drumsheugh.
”When pairruts speak Scutch deealect, it's time we Scuts gae it oop,”
said Tammas.
”I think so mysel',” agreed Drumsheugh. ”But hoo express our thochts?”
”I dinna ken for ye,” said Lang Tammas, ”but for me, mee speakee heathen Chinee this timee on.”
”Vairy weel,” returned Drumsheugh. ”Vairy weel; I dinna ken heathen Chinee, but I hae some acqueentance wi' the tongue o' sairtain Amairicans, and that I'll speak from this day on--it's vairy weel called the Bowery eediom, and is a judeecious mixture o' English, Irish, and Volapeck.”
And from that time on Lang Tammas and Drumsheugh spoke never another word of Scotch dialect; and while Tammas never quite mastered pidgin-English, or Drumsheugh the tongue of Fadden, they lived happily ever after, which in a way proves that, after all, the parrot is a useful as well as an ornamental bird.
XII
CONCLUSION--LIKEWISE MR. BILLY JONES
The cheers which followed the narration of the curious resolve of Lang Tammas and Drumsheugh were vociferous, and Berkeley Hights sat down with a flush of pleasure on his face. He construed these as directed towards himself and his contribution to the diversion of the evening. It never entered into his mind that the applause involved a bit of subtle appreciation of the kindness of Tammas and of Drumsheugh to the reading public in thus declining to give them more of something of which they had already had enough.
When the cheers had subsided Mr. Jones rose from his chair and congratulated the club upon its exhibit.
”Even if you have but faintly re-echoed the weaknesses of the strong,”
he said, ”you have done well, and I congratulate you. It is not every man in your walk in life who can write as grammatically as you have dreamed. I have failed to detect in any one of the stories or poems thus far read a single grammatical error, and I have no doubt that the ma.n.u.scripts that you have read from are gratifyingly free from mistakes in spelling as well, so that, from a newspaper man's stand-point, I see no reason why you should not get these proceedings published, especially if you do it at your own expense.
”I now declare The Dreamers adjourned _sine die_!”
”Not much!” cried the members, unanimously. ”Where's your contribution?”
”Out with it, William!” shouted Tom Sn.o.bbe. ”I can tell by the set of your coat that you've got a ma.n.u.script concealed in your pocket.”
”There's nothing ruins the set of a coat more quickly than a rejected ma.n.u.script in the pocket,” put in Hudson Rivers. ”I've been there myself--so, as Lang Tammas said, Billy, 'Pit it oot, and get it crackit.'”