Part 11 (1/2)
”He draws corks,” put in Hennessey. ”He's got a pull that bates--”
”Hennessey,” interrupted Mr. Dooley, ”since whin have ye been me funnygraph? Whin me cousin ashks me riddles, I'll tell her th' answers.
G' down-shtairs an' get a cloob san'wich an' ate yourself to death.
Char-rge it to--er--char-rge it to Misther Ra.s.sendyll here--me cousin Roop, be marritch. He looks liks a soft t'ing.”
Hennessey subsided and showed an inclination to depart, and I, not liking to see a well-meaning person thus sat upon, tried to be pleasant to him.
”Don't go just yet, Mr. Hennessey,” said I. ”I should like to talk to you.”
”Mr. Ra.s.sendyll,” he replied, ”I'm not goin' just yet, but an invitation to join farces with one iv the Hippojorium's cloob sandwhiches is too much for me. I must accept. Phwat is the noomber iv your shweet?”
I gave him the number, and Hennessey departed. Before he went, however, he comforted me somewhat by saying that he too was ”a puppit in th'
han's iv an auter. Ye've got to do,” said he, ”whativer ye're sint t'
do. I'm told ye've killed a million Germans--bless ye!--but ye're nawthin' but a facthory hand afther all. I'm th' background iv Dooley.
If Dooley wants to be smar-rt, I've got t' play th' fool. It's the same with you; only you've had yer chance at a printcess, later on pla-acin'
the la-ady in a 'nonymous p'sition--which is enough for anny man, Dooley or no Dooley.”
Hennessey departed in search of his club sandwich, which was subsequently alluded to in my bill, and for which I paid with pleasure, for Hennessey is a good fellow. I then found myself listening to the conversation between Dolly and Dooley.
”Roscommon, of course,” Dolly was saying. What marvellous adaptability that woman has! ”How could you think, my dear cousin, that I belonged to the farmer Dooleys?”
”I t'ought as much,” said Mr. Dooley, genially, ”now that I've seen ye.
Whin you put th' wor-rds 'at home' on yer car-rd, I had me doots. No Dooley iv th' right sor-rt iver liked annyt'ing a landlord gave him; an'
whin y' expreshed satisfaction wid th' Hippojorium, I didn't at first t'ink ye was a true Dooley. Since I've seen ye, I love ye properly, ma'am--like th' cousin I am. I've read iv ye, just as I've read iv yer hoosband, Cousin Roopert here be marritch, in th' biojographies of Mr.
Ant'ny Hawp, an' while I cudn't help likin' ye, I must say I didn't t'ink ye was very deep on th' surface, an' when I read iv your elopin'
with Cousin Roop, I says to Hennessey, I says, 'Hennessey,' I says, 'that's all right, they'd bote iv 'em better die, but let us not be asas.h.i.+nators,' I says; 'let 'em be joined in marritch. That's punishment enough,' I says to Hennessey. Ye see, Miss Dooley, I have been marrit meself.”
”But I have found married life far from punishment,” I heard Dolly say.
”I fear you're a sad pessimist, Mr. Dooley,” she added.
”I'm not,” Mr. Dooley replied. ”I'm a Jimmycrat out an' out, if ye refer to me politics; but if your remark is a reflection on me religion, let me tell ye, ma'am, that, like all me countrymen in this beautiful land, I'm a Uni-tarrian, an' prood iv it.”
I ventured to interpose at this point.
”Dooley,” said I, ”your cousin Roop, as you call him, is very glad to meet you, whatever your politics or your religion.”
”Mosht people are,” said he, dryly.
”That shows good taste,” said I. ”But how about your book? It has been accepted on the strength of its ill.u.s.trations, you say. How about them?
Can we see them anywhere? Are they on exhibition?”
”You can not only see thim, but you can drink 'em free anny time you come out to Archie Road,” Dooley replied, cordially.
”Drink--a picture?” I asked.
[Ill.u.s.tration: ”'KAPE YOUR HOOSBAND HOME'”]