Part 20 (1/2)

”Yea, man!” said Willie Simpson, the joiner and undertaker froetting ane, Willie,” said Dauvit

The joiner shtfully for a while

”Na, Dauvit,” he said, ”there's little chance o' an undertaker gettin' a title You would think na that the hthood”

Dauvit cackled

”Honours are sold, as Jake says; they are never given for public services”

I am afraid the joke was lost on most of the assembly Jake failed to see it It is said that Jake has been known to laugh at a joke only once, and that hen the earth gave way beneath the rave-side, and he fell into the open grave

”Undertakin',” continued the joiner, ”is a verra queer trade”

Jake shi+vered

”I dinna ken how ye can do it,” he said; ”et accustomed to it,” said the joiner ”Of course, it has its lie o' _The Daily Mail_, but, man, it's what ye micht call a safe trade”

”How safe?” I asked

”Oh, ye never need to worry aboot yer custom; it's aye there Noo in other lines the laws o' supply and deey puckle years syne there was a craze for walkin'-sticks wi' ebony handles

Weel, I went doon to Dundee and bocht ten pund worth o' ebony, and afore the as delivered the fashi+on had changed, and the men were all buyin' cheese-cutter bonnets, so here was I left wi' ten pund worth o'

ebony on my handsand if I hadna sold it to Davie Lamb the cabinet-maker for thirteen pund I micht ha' lost the e o' fashi+on as ye micht say; the demand is what ye micht call constant, and that's what makes me say it is a safe trade”

Dauvit winked to me surreptitiously

”Noo, joiner,” he said, ”will ye tell ? I want to ken the inner workin's o' an undertakker's mind When somebody is verra ill, what's your attitude? I mean to say, do ye sort o' look on the illness wi' hope or what? When ye see a fine set-up man on the road, do ye look at him wi' a professional eye and say to yersell: 'Sax feet by twa; a bonny corp!'?”

”I'h I dinna mind sayin'

that I've soot better

On the other hand, when big Taet better”

”An unbusinesslike thing to do,” I laughed

”Aweel,” said the joiner, ”big Tahed aboot saxteen stone, and at the tis like that,” said Jake Tosh nervously; ”things like that give me the creeps, and besides it's no a proper way to speak”

Dauvit turned to , but the ious a man is the less he likes to hear aboot death Jake here is an elder o' the auld kirk; he's on the straight and narrow path; he's going straight to heaven when he deesand I never saw onybody so feared o' death as Jake is

Houd ye explain that?”

”I think,” I replied, ”that it is due to the fact that Jake has been brought up in the fear of the Lord”

”Exactly,” nodded Dauvit ”It's ious not becos they want specially to play harps in the next world, but becos they dinna want to be roasted”