Chapter 104 (1/1)

Chapter 104

Translated by: ShawnSuh Edited by: SootyOwl ”You seemed unstable from the first time I saw you . ” They met while the man was on the verge of giving something up . From the beginning of their encounter, he was cornered to the edge of a cliff . That had to be why he had done something so foolish . An author giving up writing . An author praised as a genius . One who stood on the edge of a cliff tended to lose their footing easily . ”That's right,” he admitted in a weak voice . His emotions seemed to be rather unpredictable . ”I was forced to quit because my books weren't selling,” the man explained as if giving him an excuse . ”People only look for Yun Woo and his books . They only talk about him . My books are collecting dust in a corner of bookstore, rotting away . It's nothing like your fancy book . That was it . That was the result of my work . ” Countless books had met the same unfortunate fate . Even books written with every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears ended up getting lost and forgotten . ”You're young . You haven't even been writing as long as I have . You didn't even have to try as hard as I have . That's why I can't accept this reality . It makes no sense . ” ”So, what will change if you steal my flash drive?” ”Nothing…” he murmured . ”I wanted to see you getting angry at the very least . I desperately wanted to see you getting anxious . I wanted to prove to myself that I'm not the only person who felt this way . ” Unfortunately, things had not turned out the way he had hoped, just as how Juho had hoped for a ghost or a dog that hadn't really existed . He may have given up writing, but Juho was still an author . ”You won . ” ”This was never something worth competing over,” said Juho, still smiling . ”This was your choice . ” Giving up had been his choice . ”No,” the man denied . ”Who told you to give up then?” asked Juho . ”The world,” said the man . If that had been true, he had been fighting an opponent that he couldn't beat . Had he been overcome, or did he announce an opponent he knew he didn't stand a chance against so that he could give his decision meaning? He was playing his own G.o.d . Much like G.o.d, words provided a reason for those in need of one, all without revealing themselves . ”So where is it?” Juho asked calmly . Though he wasn't explicit, the man understood immediately . ”Nowhere . ” ”What did you do with it?” ”Did you check the backyard?” ”No . ” ”There are a lot rocks there, so I picked one up . ” Juho pictured him crus.h.i.+ng the flash drive with a rock in his hand . ”Did you break it?” ”Completely . I threw it away . ” ”Where?” ”Down the toilet . ” A cruel fate . Kidnapped, damaged and then disposed of . By that point, the remnants would be floating down the Han River somewhere . ”What if it had clogged the toilet?” ”It was too small for that . ” The room fell silent, and the air became damp . He was overcome with the realization of having committed something irrevocable . Juho looked up at the ceiling for a brief moment . It had to be dark out at the point . At that moment, an intoxicating smell came into the room . ”If I were you, I'd have waited until after dinner . ” ” . . . What?” ”It's your last . ” ” . . . My last?” he asked, looking perplexed . ”Are you telling me that you're not smelling this?” By reflex, the man inhaled at the word 'smell,' clumsily and awkwardly as if he had never done it before . Only then did he finally realize that he had been holding his breath . His senses returned, suffocating him with realities that he had wanted to avoid all along . He stared at Yun Woo standing in front of him . The young author asked him mercilessly, ”Where are we?” 'Mrs . Baek's house . ” ”What have you done?” 'Thud . ' He felt his heart drop . His hands started to shake . ”What have I…” With all the discontentment aside, he started to see things more clearly . Dark emotions were flowing about him, and he couldn't do anything to resist them . 'Where am I? What have I done?' ”Now you seem to be aware of your surroundings . You used to be an author you know,” said Juho, emphasizing the fact that he was no longer an author . The man felt vulnerable to those seemingly ruthless and forceful words as they coiled around him like a snake . He felt exposed and powerless . ”Now, think again . ” ” . . . about what?” ”About yourself . ” Like Juho had said, he thought about himself . 'I'm an author, no I used to be an author . It was my choice to give up writing . n.o.body forced me to quit . This world has nothing to do with it . ' ”Pathetic,” he said, smiling . He had been feeling that way since well before he met Yun Woo in person . He felt chills running down his spine . ”I didn't want to write anymore . ” His joy of becoming an author was short-lived . There was a sea of well-written books around him, making him focus on his weaknesses . He couldn't think of a way to compete . It was during that time of his life that Yun Woo appeared . His writing was both colorful and beautiful . It almost felt like his book was the only book existing under the sun . His book had been on a different level, and the contrast was rather striking . Though much younger, Yun Woo was much more skilled as a writer than he had ever been . A child had surpa.s.sed him . He had reached his limits and he couldn't go on any longer . He lost the will to fight . ”I lost my awareness of my surroundings long ago . ” He had turned his eyes away from himself . In order to avoid his own stench, he had been holding his breath . The world had become smaller and smaller . It made sense that he couldn't go on writing . He had given up and reached for whatever reason that he could grasp and cover himself with it . However… ”I still couldn't hide from you . You're simply too big and s.h.i.+ny . ” He paused, ”But when I saw you here… you were writing in the same place where I was giving it all up . That's why I did it . ” He looked at himself in the mirror . His eyes were covered by his bushy hair . He had come to visit his teacher in that untidy appearance . He felt miserable, and n.o.body had made him that way but himself . ”I'm sorry… ” . . . Mrs . Baek . ” Yun Seo was standing quietly by the door . He recognized her presence from the intoxicating smell of grilled meat . Having confessed, he dropped his head . Standing next to Yun Seo, Geun Woo added, ”Both Joon Soo and I were struggling with our books not selling . Joon Soo is giving a lecture even at this very moment . I even threw my ma.n.u.script away, but you know what? We never tried to steal what belonged to another person and ranted about our situations . We still wanted to be authors, even if that meant our books not selling . We might not have been popular, but we were still authors . ” ” . . . You're right . I've been just hiding behind the t.i.tle 'author . '” He had simply been dishonest about his decision to give up . He looked at Yun Woo and came to realize the person reflecting on those clear eyes . Yun Woo didn't criticize him . The man didn't see himself in those eyes . Yun Woo didn't even think about someone like him . 'What have I been doing?' the man had reconnected with reality . ”I'm sorry,” he said in a cracked voice . He apologized in front of his teacher, fellow author, and Yun Woo . ” . . . I'm so sorry,” his voice wavered . Juho was the only one standing with his shoulders wide open . ”It's OK . You don't have to worry about paying me back,” said Juho light-heartedly . He didn't intend on blowing things out of proportion . Besides, he did manage to get something out of the experience: those who take from others . War . Death . G.o.d . The shape of the narrator began to take form slowly . In the end, the man left without staying for dinner . --- ”I'm home . ” ”Hey! You said you'd have eaten by the time you came back, right?” ”Yes . ” Having greeted his mother, Juho walked into his room . Changing into his home clothes, he lay on the bed and felt his eyes getting heavy . Realizing how tired he felt, he let out a sigh . At that moment, the door opened . ”If you're still hungry, do you want me to make you something?” It was his mother . She was asking even though she was aware of the fact that her son had already eaten . ”It's OK . I had a big dinner . ” ”That's good . Are you OK?” ”Yes . ” After saying goodnight, she closed the door and left . Juho sat up from the bed and sat himself in front of his computer . In it, was the same content as the one in the flash drive . Bushy hair . Juho hadn't recognized his name . He and his books hadn't been very popular, making him give up writing . For that reason, he was moved to destroy something that hadn't belonged to him . While thinking about him, Juho remembered the conversation he had had with Yun Seo on his way out . ”Do you think it will stay with you?” she asked . He had just eaten, so he rubbed his stomach by reflex . ”You mean the meat?” Yun Seo laughed with relief . ”Do you think you can handle it?” she asked again, concerned . ”If you can't, you can always give it to me . ” ”You make it sound like it's an object . ” ”It might as well be . If you keep it in you, it'll eventually rot away . ” ”I better digest it before it goes bad . ” Though Juho answered with a smile, Yun Seo didn't let up . ”It must've been upsetting . ” ”I definitely wasn't happy . ” ”Do you feel like you like this world a little bit less now?” ”Thankfully, it wasn't to that extent . After all, it all happened because I was simply too capable . ” Looking in his direction, Yun Seo nodded, pus.h.i.+ng him gently . ”Then go write . Don't hold back . ” She knew well of the way Juho worked with his emotions . Before going on his way, Juho asked, ”Are you OK, Mrs . Baek?” The man had been her own pupil . Seeing as how her own pupil had spiraled down into darkness, she had to be in pain . ”I've seen this often . It is never easy, but I know that the pain won't last forever,” she said with a smile . Juho slowly rose from his chair and turned on his computer . The screen lit up, showing everything he had written up to that point . Everything had been intact with nothing missing or damaged . What the man had crushed and flushed down the toilet had been none other than himself as an author . 'There had been a war, a war to take away from others . In order to take something that one didn't possess, weapons had been made, and hearts had boiled in anger despite knowing that the outcome would be unfortunate and miserable . If there was a G.o.d…' ”If I were G.o.d . ” He would have been dying to leave mankind behind . 'Don't hold back,' somebody had told him earlier that day . Juho calmly moved his pen . The protagonist wrapped in a luxurious fabric lived at a point in the history where there was no G.o.d . War had come to an end . G.o.d had left the world . Only stories existed in that world, and it was as if G.o.d had really existed in the past . The beginning of the journey took place in his hometown . He, too, had parents who had raised him . They were beings who had birthed him into the world . Juho thought of the man's bushy hair . He was someone who couldn't accept the fact that he had given up . The protagonist's father had wrapped himself in fancy clothing . He was wealthy, but he couldn't bear to be alone . He interacted with and made love to as many people as he possibly could . As a result, he had many families and offsprings . ”I'll give you an allowance . ” As if by habit, the father always said that . ”You're cowardly, father,” said the son, the protagonist . In his eyes, his father was a coward . Because he lacked the courage to give something up, he ended up ruining countless lives, including his own . The son ended up alone . The son was sensitive to language . He had his ears open to others' opinions as well as his father's . He thoroughly understood the situations he faced . He was being clothed, fed, and educated with his father's wealth . With the exception of his father, the son expressed his anger to every single person around him . He grew less and less tolerant . Angry . Detached . Then, he changed .

Translated by: ShawnSuh Edited by: SootyOwl You seemed unstable from the first time I saw you . They met while the man was on the verge of giving something up . From the beginning of their encounter, he was cornered to the edge of a cliff . That had to be why he had done something so foolish . An author giving up writing . An author praised as a genius . One who stood on the edge of a cliff tended to lose their footing easily . Thats right, he admitted in a weak voice . His emotions seemed to be rather unpredictable . I was forced to quit because my books werent selling, the man explained as if giving him an excuse . People only look for Yun Woo and his books . They only talk about him . My books are collecting dust in a corner of bookstore, rotting away . Its nothing like your fancy book . That was it . That was the result of my work . Countless books had met the same unfortunate fate . Even books written with every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears ended up getting lost and forgotten . Youre young . You havent even been writing as long as I have . You didnt even have to try as hard as I have . Thats why I cant accept this reality . It makes no sense . So, what will change if you steal my flash drive? Nothing… he murmured . I wanted to see you getting angry at the very least . I desperately wanted to see you getting anxious . I wanted to prove to myself that Im not the only person who felt this way . Unfortunately, things had not turned out the way he had hoped, just as how Juho had hoped for a ghost or a dog that hadnt really existed . He may have given up writing, but Juho was still an author . You won . This was never something worth competing over, said Juho, still smiling . This was your choice . Giving up had been his choice . No, the man denied . Who told you to give up then? asked Juho . The world, said the man . If that had been true, he had been fighting an opponent that he couldnt beat . Had he been overcome, or did he announce an opponent he knew he didnt stand a chance against so that he could give his decision meaning? He was playing his own G.o.d . Much like G.o.d, words provided a reason for those in need of one, all without revealing themselves . So where is it? Juho asked calmly . Though he wasnt explicit, the man understood immediately . Nowhere . What did you do with it? Did you check the backyard? No . There are a lot rocks there, so I picked one up . Juho pictured him crus.h.i.+ng the flash drive with a rock in his hand . Did you break it? Completely . I threw it away . Where? Down the toilet . A cruel fate . Kidnapped, damaged and then disposed of . By that point, the remnants would be floating down the Han River somewhere . What if it had clogged the toilet? It was too small for that . The room fell silent, and the air became damp . He was overcome with the realization of having committed something irrevocable . Juho looked up at the ceiling for a brief moment . It had to be dark out at the point . At that moment, an intoxicating smell came into the room . If I were you, Id have waited until after dinner . . What? Its your last . . My last? he asked, looking perplexed . Are you telling me that youre not smelling this? By reflex, the man inhaled at the word smell, clumsily and awkwardly as if he had never done it before . Only then did he finally realize that he had been holding his breath . His senses returned, suffocating him with realities that he had wanted to avoid all along . He stared at Yun Woo standing in front of him . The young author asked him mercilessly, Where are we? Mrs . Baeks house . What have you done? Thud . He felt his heart drop . His hands started to shake . What have I… With all the discontentment aside, he started to see things more clearly . Dark emotions were flowing about him, and he couldnt do anything to resist them . Where am I? What have I done? Now you seem to be aware of your surroundings . You used to be an author you know, said Juho, emphasizing the fact that he was no longer an author . The man felt vulnerable to those seemingly ruthless and forceful words as they coiled around him like a snake . He felt exposed and powerless . Now, think again . . about what? About yourself . Like Juho had said, he thought about himself . Im an author, no I used to be an author . It was my choice to give up writing . n.o.body forced me to quit . This world has nothing to do with it . Pathetic, he said, smiling . He had been feeling that way since well before he met Yun Woo in person . He felt chills running down his spine . I didnt want to write anymore . His joy of becoming an author was short-lived . There was a sea of well-written books around him, making him focus on his weaknesses . He couldnt think of a way to compete . It was during that time of his life that Yun Woo appeared . His writing was both colorful and beautiful . It almost felt like his book was the only book existing under the sun . His book had been on a different level, and the contrast was rather striking . Though much younger, Yun Woo was much more skilled as a writer than he had ever been . A child had surpa.s.sed him . He had reached his limits and he couldnt go on any longer . He lost the will to fight . I lost my awareness of my surroundings long ago . He had turned his eyes away from himself . In order to avoid his own stench, he had been holding his breath . The world had become smaller and smaller . It made sense that he couldnt go on writing . He had given up and reached for whatever reason that he could grasp and cover himself with it . However… I still couldnt hide from you . Youre simply too big and s.h.i.+ny . He paused, But when I saw you here… you were writing in the same place where I was giving it all up . Thats why I did it . He looked at himself in the mirror . His eyes were covered by his bushy hair . He had come to visit his teacher in that untidy appearance . He felt miserable, and n.o.body had made him that way but himself . Im sorry… . Mrs . Baek . Yun Seo was standing quietly by the door . He recognized her presence from the intoxicating smell of grilled meat . Having confessed, he dropped his head . Standing next to Yun Seo, Geun Woo added, Both Joon Soo and I were struggling with our books not selling . Joon Soo is giving a lecture even at this very moment . I even threw my ma.n.u.script away, but you know what? We never tried to steal what belonged to another person and ranted about our situations . We still wanted to be authors, even if that meant our books not selling . We might not have been popular, but we were still authors . . Youre right . Ive been just hiding behind the t.i.tle author . He had simply been dishonest about his decision to give up . He looked at Yun Woo and came to realize the person reflecting on those clear eyes . Yun Woo didnt criticize him . The man didnt see himself in those eyes . Yun Woo didnt even think about someone like him . What have I been doing? the man had reconnected with reality . Im sorry, he said in a cracked voice . He apologized in front of his teacher, fellow author, and Yun Woo . . Im so sorry, his voice wavered . Juho was the only one standing with his shoulders wide open . Its OK . You dont have to worry about paying me back, said Juho light-heartedly . He didnt intend on blowing things out of proportion . Besides, he did manage to get something out of the experience: those who take from others . War . Death . G.o.d . The shape of the narrator began to take form slowly . In the end, the man left without staying for dinner . --- Im home . Hey! You said youd have eaten by the time you came back, right? Yes . Having greeted his mother, Juho walked into his room . Changing into his home clothes, he lay on the bed and felt his eyes getting heavy . Realizing how tired he felt, he let out a sigh . At that moment, the door opened . If youre still hungry, do you want me to make you something? It was his mother . She was asking even though she was aware of the fact that her son had already eaten . Its OK . I had a big dinner . Thats good . Are you OK? Yes . After saying goodnight, she closed the door and left . Juho sat up from the bed and sat himself in front of his computer . In it, was the same content as the one in the flash drive . Bushy hair . Juho hadnt recognized his name . He and his books hadnt been very popular, making him give up writing . For that reason, he was moved to destroy something that hadnt belonged to him . While thinking about him, Juho remembered the conversation he had had with Yun Seo on his way out . Do you think it will stay with you? she asked . He had just eaten, so he rubbed his stomach by reflex . You mean the meat? Yun Seo laughed with relief . Do you think you can handle it? she asked again, concerned . If you cant, you can always give it to me . You make it sound like its an object . It might as well be . If you keep it in you, itll eventually rot away . I better digest it before it goes bad . Though Juho answered with a smile, Yun Seo didnt let up . It mustve been upsetting . I definitely wasnt happy . Do you feel like you like this world a little bit less now? Thankfully, it wasnt to that extent . After all, it all happened because I was simply too capable . Looking in his direction, Yun Seo nodded, pus.h.i.+ng him gently . Then go write . Dont hold back . She knew well of the way Juho worked with his emotions . Before going on his way, Juho asked, Are you OK, Mrs . Baek? The man had been her own pupil . Seeing as how her own pupil had spiraled down into darkness, she had to be in pain . Ive seen this often . It is never easy, but I know that the pain wont last forever, she said with a smile . Juho slowly rose from his chair and turned on his computer . The screen lit up, showing everything he had written up to that point . Everything had been intact with nothing missing or damaged . What the man had crushed and flushed down the toilet had been none other than himself as an author . There had been a war, a war to take away from others . In order to take something that one didnt possess, weapons had been made, and hearts had boiled in anger despite knowing that the outcome would be unfortunate and miserable . If there was a G.o.d… If I were G.o.d . He would have been dying to leave mankind behind . Dont hold back, somebody had told him earlier that day . Juho calmly moved his pen . The protagonist wrapped in a luxurious fabric lived at a point in the history where there was no G.o.d . War had come to an end . G.o.d had left the world . Only stories existed in that world, and it was as if G.o.d had really existed in the past . The beginning of the journey took place in his hometown . He, too, had parents who had raised him . They were beings who had birthed him into the world . Juho thought of the mans bushy hair . He was someone who couldnt accept the fact that he had given up . The protagonists father had wrapped himself in fancy clothing . He was wealthy, but he couldnt bear to be alone . He interacted with and made love to as many people as he possibly could . As a result, he had many families and offsprings . Ill give you an allowance . As if by habit, the father always said that . Youre cowardly, father, said the son, the protagonist . In his eyes, his father was a coward . Because he lacked the courage to give something up, he ended up ruining countless lives, including his own . The son ended up alone . The son was sensitive to language . He had his ears open to others opinions as well as his fathers . He thoroughly understood the situations he faced . He was being clothed, fed, and educated with his fathers wealth . With the exception of his father, the son expressed his anger to every single person around him . He grew less and less tolerant . Angry . Detached . Then, he changed .