Chapter 2: Chapter 2 (1/2)
”Juho, come eat!”
Several days had pa.s.sed since Juho had returned to the past. He heard his mother's voice, a voice that he had become used to by now. From the living room, Juho was able to see his mother from behind, busy in the kitchen. He walked over to the kitchen and rested his head onto his mother's shoulder. That smell, it had been a while.
”You haven't been yourself lately. Did you do something wrong?”
”It's nothing like that.”
”No? Then what is it? Tell me.”
Hearing his mother offering to solve his problems, Juho had to hold his tears. He had become homeless after his failed attempt at business and some stock investment as a last hurrah. Filled with shame, he had to lie every time he visited his old, retired parents living in the countryside.
He covered himself with leaves at parks and slept at subway stations. He took all of his meals at a soup kitchen. Juho was unbearably afraid of a tomorrow. It had been no different from his middle school years, when he would stay up worrying about his future. The days were miserable and terrifying. Being close to fifty, Juho couldn't bear to think that he was even weaker than his middle school self. Even then, what made it scarier was that he couldn't find his way out.
”Mom.”
”What?”
”Nothing.”
At his mother's hand, who was in the habit of stroking his back, Juho calmed his heart and asked,
”Are you happy that my book is selling well?
”Of course! My son's successful.”
”Just watch! It'll get made into a show and a movie. It'll be translated into seven different languages too.”
”Did you have a dream? You shouldn't be celebrating so soon.”
”Maybe.”
Of course it hadn't been a dream. Juho had experienced a terrible failure in his life, and then he returned. He let out a smirk.
”You must be sleep-talking with your eyes open. Hurry up and come eat. Go get your dad.”
”Sure, mom.”
After the family gathered at the table to eat and talk, Juho went back to his room. After a brief time thinking, he decided to look up his book on the internet. [Best seller number one, Trace of a Bird, author Yun Woo.] Yun Woo was an alias. It was a spontaneously made up name, that took the name of the protagonist from the book and combined it with his actual last name.
Juho showed his work to his mother, and she responded.
”You wrote this?”
”Yes, that's me.”
”You got 1st place?”
”Yes.”
His mother's face slowly brightened up. This was the first and the last time Juho ever made his mother happy. He was an incredibly bad son.
”Goodness, I'm so proud of you my son. I was worried what you'd become when you're stuck in your room not doing anything, but you've been doing such an amazing thing.”
Juho felt a slight relief from the endearing spank of his mother. At the same time, he felt a sense of respect for her. While he was homeless around her age, she had given birth to a child, raised him, and done all kinds of housework while working at a restaurant. She was an incredible person, his mother.
”What's the ruckus? Is there anything to eat?”
”Honey, look at this. Our son is a best-selling author.”
”Salad, what?”
Wearing nothing but his long johns, Juho's father looked at the computer screen, asking Juho several times if the Yun Woo character was really him. Then, he let out an excited laughter.
”Let's have a party. A party!”
Exhilarated, Juho's mother headed straight into the kitchen. That day, laughter never left the table. Even as he was on a cloud nine, Juho wondered if he was dreaming. Then he thought to himself,
'If it is a dream, I might as well enjoy it.'
But morning came the next day and the following day. Then, it became clear to him that it was all real.
Juho and his parents were now younger. He moved his hand around and clenched his fists. There was nothing awkward or weird. His baffled-by-success self and despairing-from-repeated-failures self had somehow become one.
On the day before Juho came back to the past, he ate the kimchi stew that had been reheated three times. Excited for the weekend, he stayed up late on his computer. Juho's mom told him to go to bed early. He kept worrying while picturing what it would be like to move up to high school and reflected on the last thirty years. The future was going to be a series of failures.
In a hurry, Juho opened his notebook.
'I have to write this down before I forget.' He thought to himself.
He wrote down all the failures to come, including all the things he regretted, lost… anything he could remember. His hand started hurting. It felt silly to be writing so much with a computer in front of him, but there was already a pen in his hand. He wasn't in a state to be able to use the computer.
”Let's not repeat the mistakes from the past. Don't let this notebook become a book of prophecies.” Juho wrote each and every letter with conviction. Then, he heard a whisper behind him.
”Honey, maybe our son really was a genius after all. He used to read backwards when he was young.”
”Maybe we did a really good job with prenatal care.”
”It's got to be that. I heard you can have a good looking baby if you keep the bathroom clean, so I worked my b.u.t.t off.”
”Don't forget about me going out every night to bring you meat.”
”Look at him. It's like he can't even hear us because he's so focused.”
'I can hear you mom.'
Juho smiled in secret. Coming to think of it, his parents were really adorable. When he glanced at them, they cleared their throats and laughed.
”Have some fruit.”
His parents put down the plate next to the desk and closed the door on the way out to help Juho focus, and he turned his attention back to the notebook.
By the time he put down the pen stuck to his sweaty hand, the day was already halfway gone.
”Haha!”
It only took half of a day to write down thirty years worth of failures. It probably would have been much faster to use a keyboard. It had been such an empty life. Juho stared into the notebook that had been filled with his history.
”What do I do now?”