Part 12 (2/2)

'You chose your lot yourself, Irina Pavlovna,' Litvinov rejoined sullenly, as before not turning his head.

'I chose it myself, yes ... and I don't complain, I have no right to complain,' said Irina hurriedly; she seemed to derive a secret consolation from Litvinov's very harshness. 'I know that you must think ill of me, and I won't justify myself; I only want to explain my feeling to you, I want to convince you I am in no flirting humour now.... Me flirting with you! Why, there is no sense in it.... When I saw you, all that was good, that was young in me, revived ... that time when I had not yet chosen my lot, everything that lies behind in that streak of brightness behind those ten years....'

'Come, really, Irina Pavlovna! So far as I am aware, the brightness in your life began precisely with the time we separated....'

Irina put her handkerchief to her lips.

'That's very cruel, what you say, Grigory Mihalitch; but I can't feel angry with you. Oh, no, that was not a bright time, it was not for happiness I left Moscow; I have known not one moment, not one instant of happiness ... believe me, whatever you have been told. If I were happy, could I talk to you as I am talking now.... I repeat to you, you don't know what these people are.... Why, they understand nothing, feel for nothing; they've no intelligence even, _ni esprit ni intelligence_, nothing but tact and cunning; why, in reality, music and poetry and art are all equally remote from them.... You will say that I was rather indifferent to all that myself; but not to the same degree, Grigory Mihalitch ... not to the same degree! It's not a woman of the world before you now, you need only look at me--not a society queen.... That's what they call us, I believe ... but a poor, poor creature, really deserving of pity. Don't wonder at my words.... I am beyond feeling pride now! I hold out my hand to you as a beggar, will you understand, just as a beggar.... I ask for charity,' she added suddenly, in an involuntary, irrepressible outburst, 'I ask for charity, and you----'

Her voice broke. Litvinov raised his head and looked at Irina; her breathing came quickly, her lips were quivering. Suddenly his heart beat fast, and the feeling of hatred vanished.

'You say that our paths have lain apart,' Irina went on. 'I know you are about to marry from inclination, you have a plan laid out for your whole life; yes, that's all so, but we have not become strangers to one another, Grigory Mihalitch; we can still understand each other. Or do you imagine I have grown altogether dull--altogether debased in the mire? Ah, no, don't think that, please! Let me open my heart, I beseech you--there--even for the sake of those old days, if you are not willing to forget them. Do so, that our meeting may not have come to pa.s.s in vain; that would be too bitter; it would not last long in any case.... I don't know how to say it properly, but you will understand me, because I ask for little, so little ... only a little sympathy, only that you should not repulse me, that you should let me open my heart----'

Irina ceased speaking, there were tears in her voice. She sighed, and timidly, with a kind of furtive, searching look, gazed at Litvinov, held out her hand to him....

Litvinov slowly took the hand and faintly pressed it.

'Let us be friends,' whispered Irina.

'Friends,' repeated Litvinov dreamily.

'Yes, friends ... or if that is too much to ask, then let us at least be friendly.... Let us be simply as though nothing had happened.'

'As though nothing had happened,...' repeated Litvinov again. 'You said just now, Irina Pavlovna, that I was unwilling to forget the old days.... But what if I can't forget them?'

A blissful smile flashed over Irina's face, and at once disappeared, to be replaced by a hara.s.sed, almost scared expression.

'Be like me, Grigory Mihalitch, remember only what was good in them; and most of all, give me your word.... Your word of honour....'

'Well?'

'Not to avoid me ... not to hurt me for nothing. You promise? tell me!'

'Yes.'

'And you will dismiss all evil thoughts of me from your mind.'

'Yes ... but as for understanding you--I give it up.'

'There's no need of that ... wait a little, though, you will understand.

But you will promise?'

'I have said yes already.'

'Thanks. You see I am used to believe you. I shall expect you to-day, to-morrow, I will not go out of the house. And now I must leave you. The Grand d.u.c.h.ess is coming along the avenue.... She's caught sight of me, and I can't avoid going up to speak to her.... Good-bye till we meet....

Give me your hand, _vite, vite_. Till we meet.'

<script>