Part 22 (1/2)

'Because that is how the ceremony goes.'

Xznaal grunted and complied.

Once he was settled, the priest held out a gold implement and lunged at Xznaal with it. The Martian caught the priest's wrist, making the human scream.

'What iss thiss?' he demanded.

The priest was in some pain, indicating that human nervous development had reached a more highly-evolved state than Xznaal had thought. 'It i-is the Anointing Spoon, your, er, your majesty,' the human bleated.

'I ssee. Explain the ritualss a.s.s you perform them.'

'As you wish. The holy oil has been stored in the Ampul a, now it has been transferred to the Anointing Spoon. I dab oil onto your er, hands, your breast and the crown of your head. This is the most sacred part of the ceremony.

It was first performed in 785 on Egfrith, King of Merc- '

'Enough explanation. Continue.'

The priest ushered in a couple of human helpers. 'Now the investment of the royal robes and other ornaments, each of which symbolises a part of your kingdom, physical and spiritual.'

'I ssee. You want me to wear thesse garmentss?'

The priest held out a white, sleeveless piece of cloth. 'This is the Colobium Sindonis, this,' he lifted up a thick gold cloak with crimson lining, 'is the Supertunica, or the Dalmatic - '

79.Xznaal struggled into them, ripping the first. The heavy cloak was enough to keep him pinned down on the throne.

He waved his claw to indicate that he was still conscious.

A human touched Xznaal's feet with tiny gold spikes.

'You are now a knight of the realm, Sir Xznaal,' the priest explained. 'A necessary condition for your coronation.

Now, if you could take the Sword of Offering - ' Xznaal took it in a single claw and examined it. Unlike the ceremonial swords of Mars it had clearly never been used in combat, but it was a great deal more ornate - the hilt and scabbard glittered with gemstones: diamonds, rubies, sapphires and emeralds. Unsheathing the blade, Xznaal was pleased to see that the sword was of the finest steel.

'With this sword do justice,' the priest intoned, 'stop the growth of iniquity, protect the Holy Church of G.o.d, punish and reform what is amiss and confirm what is in good order and so faithfully serve our Lord Jesus Christ in this life, that you may reign forever with him in the life which is to come.'

'I am to sshare my throne with this Jessuss Chrisst?' Xznaal bellowed. 'I will accept no joint ssovereignty. Bring thiss Chrisst here. I challenge him to a duel, with weaponss of hiss choossing.'

Gerayhayvun hurried forwards. 'No, no, my Lord - your majesty. I'll explain afterwards.'

Xznaal nodded, glaring. 'You will do that.'

The ceremony proceeded. The sword was removed and laid on a flat table. The priest explained what was happening. 'The earl who is the greatest of those present, in this case Lord Greyhaven, will carry the sword naked before the king.' He turned to the humans. 'The price of the sword belongs to the Altar,' he declared. He turned back to Xznaal. 'The peer who carries the Sword of State now exchanges it for the sword you were bearing just then, the Jewel ed Sword for one hundred s.h.i.+llings.' Greyhaven placed a bag of coins on the table and handed over a larger sword. The human required two hands to lift it.

'Thiss ceremony iss ludicrouss. Iss thiss really how it iss done?'

'It is, and I agree,' Gerayhayvun called over. 'But it is necessary.'

Xznaal turned back to the priest. 'The hilt of that ssword ha.s.s bea.s.stss carved upon it,' he observed. 'Explain.'

'They are the lion and the unicorn, your majesty. Symbols of this land.'

'Undersstood.' Xznaal was beginning to feel more groggy.

'These are the Armills, symbolising sincerity and wisdom.' Two gold bracelets bearing stylised flower designs.

Next, the priest handed a gold globe the size of an impact grenade. 'Now, receive this...o...b.. set under the Cross and remember that the whole world is subject to the Power and Empire of Christ our Redeemer.'

Xznaal snorted, causing the priest to step back. 'Er, the Coronation ring is now placed on the fourth finger of the right hand and, er... ' He waved the ring feebly around Xznaal's claw.

'Leave it,' Gerayhayvun snapped. 'We'l worry about that later. Just give him the sceptres and get on with it.' Two gold rods were handed over - one apparently symbolised ”Kingly power and justice”, the other was the ”rod of equity and mercy”.

The priest said some prayer, and then held up a crown. It was gold, with the cross and fleur-de-lys motifs that appeared on many of the artefacts.

'This is St Edward's crown, your majesty. It dates back to the time of Edward the Confessor, as far as we can tell.

When I place this upon your head, you will be the rightful King of England.'

Xznaal hissed his pleasure. As the crown was lowered, the first few voices were raised. Nervous at first, the human crowd gradually got into the spirit of the occasion.

'G.o.d save the King!'

'G.o.d save the King!'

'G.o.d save the King!'

Trumpets and cannons were sounding in salute. Xznaal hoped that his gunnery crew didn't think of it as an attack.

'The moment that you sit on that throne, your majesty, you wil take possession of the kingdom,' Gerayhayvun informed him over the clamour.

Xznaal moved eagerly over to the next chair, throwing himself down. It didn't even creak under his weight.

'All hail King Xznaal the First,' Gerayhayvun said quietly.

Xznaal couldn't stand, not weighed down by robes and baubles. The power of his voice was undiminished, though, and he roared for attention. The crowd fell silent. He had prepared the speech that fol owed, perhaps spending more time on it than was appropriate when addressing beasts. 'Martian legendss sspoke of great hallss full of trea.s.sure where the greatesst warriorss went to when they died.' He said. The humans strained to hear him. 'Truly thiss iss ssuch a place.'

The humans slapped their paws together, apparently a sign of appreciation. Xznaal let the noise die down and then continued. 'On Marss, water is rare, frozen solid. Here it fallss from the ssky. If you humanss were to arrive on a planet where it rained gold, you might be able to imagine your delight. But could you desscribe your feelingss - could a mammal even experience the intenssity of emotion - if the native lifeform offered no ressisstance and told you that poolss of gold covered two-thirdss of the world'ss ssurface, that they had a word for ssuch a phenomenon, ”ssea”? Your world is unlike ourss. The land and the ssky and the ssea crawl with life and mineral wealth.'

A human was talking to Gerayhayvun, bending over him, talking quietly into his ear. Apparently the other humans couldn't hear the conversation, but Xznaal caught every word. It came as no surprise, then, when Gerayhayvun tried to get his attention. Xznaal finished quickly.

'Everything here iss in ssuch abundance. Even the horizon is further away. I look forward to ruling you, my ssubjectss. Thank you for your human hosspitality.'

80.Once they were sure that Xznaal had finished, the guests slapped their claws together. Gerayhayvun leant across to him.

'My office has just taken a call from a friend of mine. She has found the Doctor. He's about a hundred miles from here, the police are on their way.'