Part 9 (2/2)

When we got to my parents' house in Pittsburgh, it took everything I had to leave her there. I knew she was in good hands, but it wasn't just minutes away like she was at the hospital. Now she was a few states away.

We sat outside talking about my last game when every so often Caitlin would peek her head out the door and then throw her arms up, as if her patience was running thin. Ami had met my mom but had yet to meet my dad and sister. They were both excited to meet the girl that had captivated their hockey headed son and brother.

If you knew me before Ami, you'd understand what my life was. Hockey. I didn't date, I had s.e.x, yes, but there was no dating and no bringing a girl home to meet the parents. I wasn't a player like Leo and Remy, but I just didn't have time for that sort of thing. I was living for hockey.

I handed Ami a cell phone I had bought. ”Here, I programed my number in case you need to get in touch with me.”

Ami hesitated for a moment and then took the phone. ”Keeping track of me, are you?”

”No, just wanted you to have a way to get a hold of me. We talked every day in the hospital. You might miss me.” I expected Ami to give me a smile or a smart aleck line, but she didn't. That was when I noticed something was wrong.

”You okay?”

”Can we just sit here for a minute?” she asked, staring at the rain streaming down the windows. Her hand reached gently over the center console to my hand.

This had to be hard for her. I knew that. Here she was going to a stranger's house in another state.

”Take as long as you need,” I replied, leaning back to face her, her hand in mine. I didn't want her to feel bad about being here. Most of all, I wanted her here. This would be safe. I needed this girl safe. ”You'll be safe here. Promise.”

”I know. It's just...I feel kind of awkward.”

”Don't,” I insisted softly but firmly. ”It's natural to feel this way.”

She nodded, but I could see the anxiety in the way she wouldn't look at the house or me. ”What are you afraid of?”

”Falling in love with them and not wanting to leave.” She laughed, the truth always there, all you had to do was ask.

”It's okay to fall in love with them. It's okay to want to stay here. They're nice people. Raised me,” I said as conversationally as I could, not wanting to scare her. ”I know it's hard after what you've been through to have people close to you again, but I honestly believe the more you love, the more you feel and the happier you can be.”

”Such a big heart.” Ami laughed, trying to hide the fact that my words were exactly what she needed to hear.

”I should have a big heart. I was born on Valentine's Day.” My mom used to tell people that was where all my heart came from.

”You never told me that. It makes sense, though. You do have a big heart.” I felt myself smile in the darkness hearing her repeat that. ”Well s.h.i.+t, that means I missed your birthday.” She looked down at her hands. ”And to think I was going to make you cupcakes or something equally as cheesy.”

”Cupcakes are not cheesy and now I'm holding you to it, eventually...when you're feeling better.”

”Oh please, I'm feeling better.” She rolled her eyes, the same way she always did at the doctors.

”You're not going to run away from me, are you?” I asked. She knew I was joking, but I also knew she saw the sincerely curious side of my comment.

”It's kind of hard when you know where I'm staying.”

”That's true. You'll be in my bed,” I teased, instantly regretting it, but Ami laughed, and the comment didn't feel as crude as it seemed.

”Very true.” Her smile caught my stare again. ”Good night then?”

”Yes, good night.”

I was f.u.c.king screwed. I had no idea what I had just done. I pa.s.sed the puck blindly. She would be staying with my parents, and G.o.d knows what they'd convince her of.

Line change The entire forward line and/or defensive line will be replaced at once, which put players on the ice who work well together.

Death sucks. Losing your family sucks. Rape sucks. No one likes to talk about it. People are raped every day. Some remember it, and then there are the lucky ones, like me, that don't. Even though we can't remember it, we know it happened, and that really sucks because someone has taken something from you, something sacred that we can never get back. Something that's meant to be given not taken. I was reminded of it and had a few scars, but I wasn't going to let it control me. There were worse things that could have happened. I thought that all the time. I could have died. I almost did die. That would have been worse.

Your whole family dying...that was worse.

The worst part for me was after the funeral when I was left alone and forced to deal with it on my own. My aunts and uncles were gone, friends and other relatives stopped coming around, and it was just me, alone in the house. I was stuck. I couldn't move on from it, and no one seemed to understand that. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of them and that they were gone. I'd look at Andrew's baseball glove and knew that he'd never put that on again. That was truly heartbreaking for me.

When Josh, my boyfriend of three years, couldn't deal with it either, he left. Then it really was just me.

One day it hit me that was no life to have.

I left.

I did the only thing that could help me move on. New city, new life.

I was just starting to move on, had a job, had a place to stay, and then...well, like I said. It sucked.

But then came Evan Masen.

Remembering his touch, I smiled. I'd never felt sparks of electricity when a man touched me before, but I did with Evan. And then he kissed me. Sweet Jesus.

Having just left Evan outside, and disappointed he hadn't tried to kiss me again, I walked down the hall to his room where his mom had placed my bag. That was when pictures of his childhood caught my attention. They were mostly of him playing hockey and reminded me of the ones we used to have up of Andrew: a proud family supporting their pride.

Evan Masen was handsome. There was no way around that one. He had the dark messy hair, scruffy face, slightly crooked nose, and a good strong jaw. His eyes were blue like mine and spoke when he didn't. When he was in a good mood they were brighter, and when he was upset, they had more depth, entrancing almost. Then there was that body. I hadn't seen him in anything other than jeans and sweats.h.i.+rts so far, but I knew enough to know from just a few touches he was definitely noteworthy under those clothes.

”Hey, Ami, are you all right?” My eyes snapped up to his mother with a mixture of surprise and confusion. She was standing beside me holding a blanket and pillow. My eyes dropped to the blanket. ”It gets kind of cold in Evan's room, so I thought you might like extra blankets. Evan said you like to keep warm.”

”Oh, yeah. Sorry. I wasn't trying to snoop or anything,” I responded, simultaneously trying to act like I wasn't just staring at Evan's school pictures on the wall.

”It's all right, sweetie.” Judy pointed to a picture of Caitlin and Evan when they were kids, both with big smiles. ”He's always been protective of her, but they have never really gotten along.”

I gazed at the picture again. ”It's strange to admit and even stranger to feel, but it's like I know him already, like he was meant to find me that day because we were meant to know each other.”

The two of us walked down the hall to Evan's room. I sat down on the edge of the bed, as did she, and I arranged the blankets and my bag so I didn't have to bend over to get them. I got dizzy and nauseated anytime I bent over. Physically, I healed since the accident. There was no permanent damage to speak of, but I still had stomach pains and then of course the headaches and vertigo. Emotionally, I was fine. It wasn't any worse than what happened to my family, and it definitely wasn't something I was struggling with. I had Evan.

I didn't want to attach myself to anyone. Believe me, that was the last thing I wanted, but there was something about him that made me feel alive again.

Judy smiled, her soft spoken voice gentle as always. ”Sweetie, that's Evan. It's not strange at all.” She moved to sit closer. Her arm draped over my shoulders in a loving manner I hadn't felt since my own mother was taken from me. ”When Evan was first placed in my arms, I knew the power he had. I was young when I had him, seventeen...his dad was eighteen and just getting out of junior hockey. Once we had Evan, there wasn't much time for our own dreams, but we had him. That's all that mattered.”

I saw it back home, coming from a small town. The parents had kids young and before you knew it, the kid was being forced to live the parents' dream for them. I saw it with Joey, Andrew's best friend, but you didn't get that feeling with Evan and his family.

Judy went onto explain how Evan got started in hockey and his love for it; all things he had already explained to me in the hospital, but I loved hearing it again. It made me feel that much closer to him.

Throughout the night, Evan kept his promise and sent regular text messages asking if I was still there or if I ran away. I ignored them at first, well, aside from the obvious of practically mauling the phone to get to it every time the little f.u.c.ker dinged with a message. But then the messages got flirty, and I couldn't help myself.

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