Part 35 (2/2)
Indeed, it was four days after his public resignation from the ministry before the Church of the Disciples ventured to make any movement signifying their acceptance of his withdrawal. Then a little company of church officials called on him to exchange some necessary papers and pay the salary which was due. Thomas Reid's name was among those of the visitors, and for a moment Ian resolved not to meet them. But it was Jessy Caird who brought him their request, and she looked so persuasively at Ian that he answered:
”Very well, Jessy, if you think so, send them in here.”
When the little band entered his study his heart melted at the sight of these old a.s.sociates of his dead life. They had honored and loved him for many years, and his miserable state was not their fault. Only Elder Reid had ever offended, and he had always regretted the trouble and been glad when it was removed. So Ian looked at them with his heart in his eyes, and they looked at him and could not utter a word.
For this man was not their long-beloved Minister. He was even outwardly so changed they could not for a few moments accept him. That very day Ian had taken off his ”blacks” forever. The long black broadcloth coat and vest and the snow-white band around his throat had been replaced by a very handsome suit of dark tweed, such as they were themselves wearing. And this change in his dress--so totally unexpected--moved them beyond all reason. They looked at him in silence, and their hearts and eyes were full of unshed tears.
They had seated themselves on the long sofa, and Macrae rose and went to them: ”You have come to bid me farewell,” he said, ”and I am glad to see you--you have been brothers to me--it breaks my heart to part with you--and all you represent--but I must go. I know not where--nor yet what may befall me, but if I die I shall die seeking the G.o.d I have loved--and--lost.”
As he spoke he advanced to the man nearest him and held out his hand, and it was taken with great apparent love and emotion. An older man bent his head over it--was it not the kindly, gracious hand that had so often broken to him the Bread of Life? Thomas Reid was the last of the company. He looked into Macrae's face with br.i.m.m.i.n.g eyes, and when he took Ian's offered hand a great tear dropped upon the clasping fingers.
Both men saw it, and Macrae said with a sad smile:
”That washes all unkindness out, Elder,” and with sobbing words Reid answered: ”It does, sir. It does. O Minister, is it not possible for you to unsay the words you said last Sabbath Day?”
”No.”
”The Lord is merciful to His elect.”
”I have denied the Lord, and He has forsaken me.”
”He cannot forsake those whom He has chosen. You have lived a good life.”
”I have not. I have run after strange G.o.ds. I have looked His Word in the face and disobeyed it. I have put scientific and philosophical religion in the place of Christ's religion, and my Bible, once full of comfort, has nothing to say to me.”
”Well, then, sir, you know who is the mediator between G.o.d and man.”
”Elder, if there is a G.o.d, I want to find Him.”
”Then seek Him, sir.”
”I am seeking Him as those who seek for life and life eternal. Through the world I will seek Him. To the last breath of this life I will call upon--perhaps--if there is a G.o.d--He may hear me.”
Blind with feeling, the men went away so quietly that Mrs. Caird threw down her work and said impatiently: ”There! He has sent them off without a word. How could he do it? Oh, but Scots are hard-baked men. Even those proud English would have had a 'G.o.d speed' to bless the parting, and I----”
Then Ian entered, and he said cheerfully: ”We had a pleasant parting, Jessy. I am glad of it. I would have been sorry to have missed it.”
”What did you say to them?”
”What I said last Sabbath--that I was going to seek Him whom my soul loveth, even if I died in the search.”
”There is no 'if' in such a search. G.o.d is not a 'highly probable' G.o.d.
He is a fact. He is nearer to you than breathing, closer than hands and feet. Even a pagan knew that much, Ian; all that is wanted is to become conscious of the _nearness of G.o.d_, and to seek G.o.d with all your heart and all your soul, and you will find Him. Not perhaps! You _will_ find Him.” And Ian was silent and troubled, and went away.
Then Jessy took her knitting again, and, as she lifted the dropped st.i.tches, said slowly and sorrowfully: ”Ah me! How many half-saved souls must come back again to learn the lesson they should have learned in this life. G.o.d may well be merciful to sinners, for they know not what they do.”
On Sat.u.r.day morning he went very quietly away. He had done all that could be done for the happiness of his family, and the situation had been tranquilly accepted by them. There was no haste, no irritating questions or advices, and, as soon as he was out of sight, everyone went back to the work occupying them. Yet the man they had watched away was near and dear to them, and full of a sorrow so great they hardly understood it.
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