Part 24 (2/2)
”Hah hah,'' she replied.
”Okay, that was gruesome,” I said. ”Anyway, they had poor Freddie beat half to death when I stopped them. Took him to the hospital, made sure he was okay.”
”What are you a cop, or a social worker?” asked Reg.
I started the car and put it in gear. The turbines whined. ”All creatures great and small,” I quoted, ”the Lord G.o.d made them all.”
An hour later we crept into the alley behind the theater. This time we both had our weapons drawn and I was wondering why I let Regina talk me into doing this without back up. Again. Her pride, I suppose. Slowly, we made our way to a window outside what the city computer said was a storage room. We crouched below it. The gla.s.s was partially cracked and a chunk was gone from one pane.
I started to raise up for a look when a voice sounded from inside the room.
”Do you have the cargo, human?” rumbled a deep voice.
I quickly sat down on my haunches and looked at Regina.
The Arcturian, she mouthed silently. I wet my lips and nodded. The s...o...b.. must be just on the other side of the gla.s.s.
”Yeah, it's all here,” said a recognizably human voice. ”And I told you, the name's Moestel. The customs guys are covered and everything is ready to go.”
I looked at Reg and nodded. We hit the back door side by side, cras.h.i.+ng through.
”Freeze! Police!” I yelled.
Rat face squeaked and dropped to the floor. The Arcturian turned toward us and lurched forward, a gray skinned tower of muscle. His hands were empty, so I couldn't shoot him. I leaned to the right and kicked his knee. Hard. He made a booming sound and began hopping on one leg. His hand whooshed over my head as I ducked. Regina leaped with a ”ki yah!” and kicked him full in the chest. The Arcturian crashed into some crates behind him with a howl.
Three of the crates broke and cats exploded into the room. Lots of cats. All colors and shapes. They ran frantically in all directions. Most of them ran over the Arcturian. His arms and legs jerked spasmodically, he gave a loud cry then collapsed.
Rat face looked at me from the floor. ”I ain't saying nothing till I see my lawyer.”
Ambulances came and took the comatose Arcturian away. Ratface left in the paddy wagon. Animal control arrived, called for reinforcements, and gathered up the cats as evidence. There was much hissing and scratching. Some of it was from Regina. ”Cats,” she kept repeating, ”they were smuggling cats.”
At headquarters, we spent the next several hours writing reports before the Lieutenant called us down to the hospital where the unconscious Arcturian had been taken. The Precinct Captain had been and gone by the time we arrived. The Lieutenant was staring at two Arcturians as we walked into the ward. One wore a doctor's coat and was carrying a medical scanner.
The Lieutenant looked over at us sourly. ”So you're here finally. Detectives McMa.n.u.s and Delmar, meet Dr. Verhoo and Mr. Sandanvah of the Arcturian Legation.”
Diplomats, I thought. c.r.a.p.
”How's the prisoner?” asked Regina crisply.
”His condition is serious,” replied Dr. Verhoo. ”While he is no longer in danger of dying, the coma may be indefinite, a side effect of extreme s.e.xual stimulation in our species.”
”Excuse me?” said Regina.
”This brings up a delicate subject,” said Mr. Sandanvah. ”it is only recently that we've learned that the presence of Felis catus causes a state of almost manic s.e.xual arousal in the Arcturian species. Harkarian accidentally discovered this on his last voyage. He brought home a few felines and sold them for fabulous sums.”
”Cats,” I said.
”Yes,” replied the doctor with a hint of defensiveness. ”Does not petting a cat generate a feeling of euphoria in your own species.
”Usually only in women of a certain age and marital status,” I replied.
”The effect is many hundred times greater in one of our species,” the doctor stated.
”So, when he fell into a couple crates full of them...” began Regina.
”Essentially a lifetime of s.e.xual pleasure crammed into a few seconds before his nervous system simply shut down,” finished the doctor.
Hysterical laughter lurked at the back of my throat. ”Couldn't handle a little...”
”Don't say it,” interrupted Regina.
”Our species would find it most embarra.s.sing if this were to become generally known. We must keep this entirely quiet. Your President has a.s.sured us of your cooperation.”
”Of course,” I said, trying desperately to keep a straight face. The Lieutenant looked daggers at me.
The two aliens bowed and walked off, deep in conversation. I looked at the Lieutenant. ”Don't say it,” he ordered.
I pressed my lips together firmly.
”So,” began our Lieutenant, ”thanks to you two, we got Arcturian bra.s.s talking to Earth bra.s.s, who are talking to the Chief, who is talking to the Captain, who told me that it was a good thing that we had all this spare time on our hands from chasing tech, drugs, and illegal aliens, so we could now chase p.u.s.s.ycats!”
”And all I wanted,” mourned the Lieutenant, ”was a quiet s.h.i.+ft where nothing happened.” He looked at us darkly. ”Back to the streets for you two. Try not to stir up any more trouble and, for G.o.d's sake, avoid reporters.”
”Yeah,” I said. Regina followed me out silently. I made it all the way to the parking deck before I collapsed against a wall, laughing my a.s.s off.
”It's not funny,” snapped Regina. ”We aren't even going to get credit for the bust.”
”The case of l.u.s.t in the Lair of the Lesbian Love G.o.ddess,” I laughed in a mock British accent. ”After all, it was all about kinky s.e.x. Or maybe we should call it, ”Looking for some Earth...”
”Don't say it,” she yelled.
I looked at her and laughed harder as tears came to my eyes. After a moment, she couldn't help it and started laughing too. We both ended up sitting on our b.u.t.ts, incapacitated.
After we laughed ourselves out, I turned to her. ”Well, Topless, wanna go fight some crime?”
She sighed. ”Why not, Flatfoot. I don't think I'll be sitting for the Lieutenant's exam anytime soon.”
We hopped in the cruiser and headed out of the parking lot. Overhead, thunder rumbled through the sky. It seemed it was always raining lately.
CONTRABAND.
Nathan Archer
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