Part 22 (1/2)
The color drained from Mathilda's face and she took Thalia's hand in a tight grip. ”We will be dest.i.tute. And the boys. Oh, Thalia, how will I explain it to them? Will there even be enough money to keep Tom in school?”
”You must not despair. You will have Lambton and a bit of land whatever comes.”
”And no means of maintaining it. Oh, poor Henry. No wonder he has been so troubled. But he ought to have told me. He should have let me stand by his side. As the vows say, I married him for richer or for poorer.”
”I am sure he didn't want you to worry. And there may yet be hope.”
Mathilda met her gaze. ”How?”
”My friend knows a man who is a pure wizard at finance, or so he says. He told me that if anyone can help, it will be this man. He would be willing to put in a word with him if you agree.”
”I'm not sure. Henry is very proud. Then again, this is no time for pride, which I shall convince him of once we speak. But who is this man? And who is your friend?” She tilted her head, a suddenly shrewd gleam in her blue eyes. ”It's not Lord Leopold by any chance?”
Thalia paused, wondering whether she should deny it. But Mathilda would find out regardless, especially if she agreed to let him help. She nodded. ”I hope you do not mind that I involved him. You did ask me to help.”
”You are right, I did. And I thank you, both of you. Henry might take some convincing, but I say yes to Lord Leopold's offer. Please tell him to contact this financial wizard of his-what is his name?”
”Pendragon. Rafe Pendragon, I believe.”
”Good. In the meantime, I shall see to Henry,” Mathilda said.
Thalia smiled. ”I will let Leo know your decision.”
”Leo, is it?” Mathilda lifted a brow. ”So are the two of you-” She waggled a pair of fingers.
”No! Well, in a manner of speaking. He certainly wants to be.”
”And you?” Mathilda asked quietly.
”I-I am not sure.”
”Are you not? I couldn't help but notice the way the sparks crackled between the two of you the other day. He fairly smolders whenever he lays eyes on you. As for you . . .”
Thalia crossed her arms. ”Yes, what about me?”
”I've never seen you look at a man the way you look at him. You want him. Even more, I think you care.”
”Do I?”
I certainly do not want to.
Letting herself feel something more than desire for Leo would be a dreadful mistake, one that could lead nowhere good for either of them.
”It scarcely signifies,” she said. ”I have no need of a lover and he is far too young for me.”
”Is he? I didn't notice his age; he's such a bold, masculine man. And the two of you seem so well suited.”
”Well suited or not, I have decided to break things off.” A pang went through her as she said the words. ”I was just writing to cancel an outing with him to the theater tonight when you called. It's for the best, I think.”
Thalia stared down at her lap, fighting the sudden wave of sadness that engulfed her.
”I cannot agree.”
She looked up. ”What?”
”You and Lord Leopold calling things off. It is a mistake.”
”But, Tilly-”
”I know everything you've suffered, how deeply you have been hurt and wronged. But your life is a lonely one, Thalia, and you do not deserve to spend it all alone. I think a lover like Lord Leopold is exactly what you need. Live a little for once. Your critics will condemn you whatever you do.”
”You are right about that.”
Mathilda leaned forward, her expression earnest. ”Forget all the so-called rules. The only question you should be asking yourself is whether or not being with Lord Leo makes you happy. Does it? Does he?”
Thalia's heart beat strongly in her chest, the answer there before she even had to think. ”Yes.”
”Then do not send that letter. Just tell him yes and let yourself enjoy what comes.”
A half an hour later, Thalia stood before the meager fire in her bedchamber, the note to Leo in hand. She studied it, her thoughts and emotions awhirl.
Was Tilly right? Should she throw herself headlong into an affair with Leo?
The gently bred lady inside her said no. The mature woman who'd tasted pa.s.sion said something else.
Sinful somethings else.
Excitement thundered in her breast, her body warming at the idea of giving herself to him completely. He'd brought her such pleasure already. Only think what more she might find if she just took off the restraints.
And he was delicious. A man any woman would want.
Yet if she did this, she would be everything Society said of her. She would be wanton and wicked in deed, not just in reputation. She would finally be the scarlet woman she'd been branded so many years before.
Yet whom would they be harming? Leo wasn't married, nor was she any longer.
And as Tilly said, hadn't she suffered enough?
She stroked a fingertip over the parchment.
Then, with a sudden flick of her wrist, she tossed the note into the flames.
Turning, she went to the bellpull and rang for her maid.
She had an evening gown to choose.