Part 37 (2/2)
”A heart, man!” she exclaimed, almost fiercely, springing up, and startling me with the change in her countenance and voice. ”And little you would have valued, and pitilessly have crushed this heart, if I had suffered myself to show it to you! What right have you to reproach me?
I felt a warm interest in your career, an unusual attraction in your conversation and society. Do you blame me for that, or should I blame myself? Condemned to live amongst brainless puppets, my dull occupation to pull the strings that moved them, it was a new charm to my life to establish friends.h.i.+p and intercourse with intellect and spirit and courage. Ah! I understand that look, half incredulous, half inquisitive.”
”Inquisitive, no; incredulous, yes! You desired my friends.h.i.+p, and how does your harsh judgment of my betrothed wife prove either to me or to her mother, whom you have known from your girlhood, the first duty of a friend,--which is surely not that of leaving a friend's side the moment that he needs countenance in calumny, succour in trouble!”
”It is a better duty to prevent the calumny and avert the trouble. Leave aside Anne Ashleigh, a cipher that I can add or abstract from my sum of life as I please. What is my duty to yourself? It is plain. It is to tell you that your honour commands you to abandon all thoughts of Lilian Ashleigh as your wife. Ungrateful that you are! Do you suppose it was no mortification to my pride of woman and friend, that you never approached me in confidence except to ask my good offices in promoting your courts.h.i.+p to another; no shock to the quiet plans I had formed as to our familiar though harmless intimacy, to hear that you were bent on a marriage in which my friend would be lost to me?”
”Not lost! not lost! On the contrary, the regard I must suppose you had for Lilian would have been a new link between our homes.”
”Pooh! Between me and that dreamy girl there could have been no sympathy, there could have grown up no regard. You would have been chained to your fireside, and--and--but no matter. I stifled my disappointment as soon as I felt it,--stifled it, as all my life I have stifled that which either destiny or duty--duty to myself as to others--forbids me to indulge. Ah, do not fancy me one of the weak criminals who can suffer a worthy liking to grow into a debasing love! I was not in love with you, Allen Fenwick.”
”Do you think I was ever so presumptuous a c.o.xcomb as to fancy it?”
”No,” she said, more softly; ”I was not so false to my household ties and to my own nature. But there are some friends.h.i.+ps which are as jealous as love. I could have cheerfully aided you in any choice which my sense could have approved for you as wise; I should have been pleased to have found in such a wife my most intimate companion. But that silly child!--absurd! Nevertheless, the freshness and enthusiasm of your love touched me; you asked my aid, and I gave it. Perhaps I did believe that when you saw more of Lilian Ashleigh you would be cured of a fancy conceived by the eye--I should have known better what dupes the wisest men can be to the witcheries of a fair face and eighteen! When I found your illusion obstinate, I wrenched myself away from a vain regret, turned to my own schemes and my own ambition, and smiled bitterly to think that, in pressing you to propose so hastily to Lilian, I made your blind pa.s.sion an agent in my own plans. Enough of this. I speak thus openly and boldly to you now, because now I have not a sentiment that can interfere with the dispa.s.sionate soundness of my counsels. I repeat, you cannot now marry Lilian Ashleigh; I cannot take my daughter to visit her; I cannot destroy the social laws that I myself have set in my petty kingdom.”
”Be it as you will. I have pleaded for her while she is still Lilian Ashleigh. I plead for no one to whom I have once given my name. Before the woman whom I have taken from the altar, I can place, as a s.h.i.+eld sufficient, my strong breast of man. Who has so deep an interest in Lilian's purity as I have? Who is so fitted to know the exact truth of every whisper against her? Yet when I, whom you admit to have some reputation for shrewd intelligence,--I, who tracked her way,--I, who restored her to her home,--when I, Allen Fenwick, am so a.s.sured of her inviolable innocence in thought as in deed, that I trust my honour to her keeping,--surely, surely, I confute the scandal which you yourself do not believe, though you refuse to reject and to annul it?”
”Do not deceive yourself, Allen Fenwick,” said she, still standing beside me, her countenance now hard and stern. ”Look where I stand, I am the World! The World, not as satirists depreciate, or as optimists extol its immutable properties, its all-persuasive authority. I am the World!
And my voice is the World's voice when it thus warns you. Should you make this marriage, your dignity of character and position would be gone! If you look only to lucre and professional success, possibly they may not ultimately suffer. You have skill, which men need; their need may still draw patients to your door and pour guineas into your purse.
But you have the pride, as well as the birth of a gentleman, and the wounds to that pride will be hourly chafed and never healed. Your strong breast of man has no shelter to the frail name of woman. The World, in its health, will look down on your wife, though its sick may look up to you. This is not all. The World, in its gentlest mood of indulgence, will say compa.s.sionately, 'Poor man! how weak, and how deceived! What an unfortunate marriage!' But the World is not often indulgent,--it looks most to the motives most seen on the surface. And the World will more frequently say, 'No; much too clever a man to be duped! Miss Ashleigh had money. A good match to the man who liked gold better than honour.'”
I sprang to my feet, with difficulty suppressing my rage; and, remembering it was a woman who spoke to me, ”Farewell, madam,” said I, through my grinded teeth. ”Were you, indeed, the Personation of The World, whose mean notions you mouth so calmly, I could not disdain you more.” I turned to the door, and left her still standing erect and menacing, the hard sneer on her resolute lip, the red glitter in her remorseless eye.
CHAPTER LVIII.
If ever my heart vowed itself to Lilian, the vow was now the most trustful and the most sacred. I had relinquished our engagement before; but then her affection seemed, no matter from what cause; so estranged from me, that though I might be miserable to lose her, I deemed that she would be unhappy in our union. Then, too, she was the gem and darling of the little world in which she lived; no whisper a.s.sailed her: now I knew that she loved me; I knew that her estrangement had been involuntary; I knew that appearances wronged her, and that they never could be explained. I was in the true position of man to woman: I was the s.h.i.+eld, the bulwark, the fearless confiding protector! Resign her now because the world babbled, because my career might be impeded, because my good name might be impeached,--resign her, and, in that resignation, confirm all that was said against her! Could I do so, I should be the most craven of gentlemen, the meanest of men!
I went to Mrs. Ashleigh, and entreated her to hasten my union with her daughter, and fix the marriage-day.
I found the poor lady dejected and distressed. She was now sufficiently relieved from the absorbing anxiety for Lilian to be aware of the change on the face of that World which the woman I had just quitted personified and concentred; she had learned the cause from the bloodless lips of Miss Brabazon.
”My child! my poor child!” murmured the mother. ”And she so guileless,--so sensitive! Could she know what is said, it would kill her. She would never marry you, Allen,--she would never bring shame to you!”
”She never need learn the barbarous calumny. Give her to me, and at once; patients, fortune, fame, are not found only at L----. Give her to me at once. But let me name a condition: I have a patrimonial independence, I have ama.s.sed large savings, I have my profession and my repute. I cannot touch her fortune--I cannot,--never can! Take it while you live; when you die, leave it to acc.u.mulate for her children, if children she have; not to me; not to her--unless I am dead or ruined!”
”Oh, Allen, what a heart! what a heart! No, not heart, Allen,--that bird in its cage has a heart: soul--what a soul!”
CHAPTER LIX.
How innocent was Lilian's virgin blush when I knelt to her, and prayed that she would forestall the date that had been fixed for our union, and be my bride before the breath of the autumn had withered the pomp of the woodland and silenced the song of the birds! Meanwhile, I was so fearfully anxious that she should risk no danger of hearing, even of surmising, the cruel slander against her--should meet no cold contemptuous looks, above all, should be safe from the barbed talk of Mrs. Poyntz--that I insisted on the necessity of immediate change of air and scene. I proposed that we should all three depart, the next day, for the banks of my own beloved and native Windermere. By that pure mountain air, Lilian's health would be soon re-established; in the church hallowed to me by the graves of my fathers our vows should be plighted.
No calumny had ever cast a shadow over those graves. I felt as if my bride would be safer in the neighbourhood of my mother's tomb.
I carried my point: it was so arranged. Mrs. Ashleigh, however, was reluctant to leave before she had seen her dear friend, Margaret Poyntz.
I had not the courage to tell her what she might expect to hear from that dear friend, but, as delicately as I could, I informed her that I had already seen the Queen of the Hill, and contradicted the gossip that had reached her; but that as yet, like other absolute sovereigns, the Queen of the Hill thought it politic to go with the popular stream, reserving all check on its direction till the rush of its torrent might slacken; and that it would be infinitely wiser in Mrs. Ashleigh to postpone conversation with Mrs. Poyntz until Lilian's return to L---- as my wife. Slander by that time would have wearied itself out, and Mrs.
Poyntz (a.s.suming her friends.h.i.+p to Mrs. Ashleigh to be sincere) would then be enabled to say with authority to her subjects, ”Dr. Fenwick alone knows the facts of the story, and his marriage with Miss Ashleigh refutes all the gossip to her prejudice.”
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