Part 4 (2/2)

Just a couple of weeks ago, hed thought he had a handle on this. He thought he was on the road to recovering his self-esteem, his personality.

His dignity.

Seeing eight years of his life dissolved with a judges signature had completely upended him emotionally. Yes, hed known six months ago, from the moment his brain had processed what he was seeing when he opened his bedroom door to investigate the strange noises hed heard, that the marriage was over.

This made it final.

This meant that it wasnt a bad dream, that it had really happened.

That the woman hed loved, who he thought loved him, was actually total stranger.

h.e.l.l, there were probably acquaintances and total strangers he could expect more loyalty from than his own wife.

Ex wife.

Get out of your head, Don warned.

Carl looked over at him.

I saw the frown, Don said. You always get that frown when you start diving into the depths. Focus. Here and now. Stay in that.

Easier said than done.

You dont think I mourn, do you? Don asked.

What?

When a relations.h.i.+p ends, you dont think I mourn it. Right?

Carl shrugged. Not like youre married to them.

So? It reinforces that I know I need to make sure when I do find the right woman that I dont f.u.c.k it up six ways to Sunday and back. Ive cried over relations.h.i.+ps, okay? Maybe it looks to you like Im some callous b.a.s.t.a.r.d, but thats not the case. Only twice have I basically kicked women to the curve without a look back, when their crazy started showing. But even the relations.h.i.+ps that have ended that I knew were going in a toxic direction, or were doomed, or whatever, I still grieved. Maybe only a couple of days, or maybe even a few weeks. Still, I grieved, in my own way. We all grieve differently.

Carl had only been around for two of Dons latest breakups. For the past month, Don had played with a couple of different women at the club, and was talking a lot to one of them on FetLife.

Carl had a suspicion she would be Dons next ex.

At least Don was up front with them. Carl would give Don all due credit for that. He didnt string them along with false promises, or try to juggle several at once in secret.

Carl had to admit that part of the BDSM lifestyle, the easier honesty, was a welcomed change. Especially after looking back through a couple of years worth of cell phone records just to realize that Maria had probably been stepping out on him far longer than she admitted.

Fortunately, all the STD tests he made his doctor do came back negative.

And to think I was going to bring up the subject of children with her again.

Thankfully, he hadnt.

Which sucked, because hed wanted kids. Until this all exploded, hed wanted them with her.

Now he might not ever have kids if he didnt meet the right woman soon enough.

Then again, maybe Im better off without kids. Or maybe theyre better off without me.

It was a little after nine p.m. when they pulled into the parking lot at the industrial complex housing Venture. In a portable storage unit positioned in front of the neighboring unit, Carl knew they were a.s.sembling their supplies for the clubs planned expansion. With the tenth anniversary celebration not far away, once the expansion was completed, there was a large party scheduled to mark the occasion.

In the short time Carl had been coming to Venture with Don, hed already met a lot of people he was happy to call friends. There were even a few theyd gone out with a couple of times, to a sports bar to shoot darts or watch a game on TV.

He had a social life again. Before, their lives had revolved around Maria and her schedule and the events she wanted to attend, the friends she wanted to see. Shed neatly managed to nudge all of his friends out of the picture, keeping his time occupied to the point that there hadnt been much time for him with his friends. Any time hed tried to schedule a guys night out, Maria nearly always had an excuse as to why he couldnt go, usually involving him tagging along with her and other couples to whatever it was she wanted to do.

Any time he did go out without her, he usually faced days of almost complete silent treatment as punishment for it.

Yet shed had no problems doing things on the side, apparently, when she was supposed to be working.

Im an idiot.

Looking back, he could see it all. At the time, hed wanted to be a good husband, take care of her, make her happy, do anything for her.

The bottom line was nothing could make her happy because she wasnt a happy person inside.

He knew he should probably feel lucky it was only eight years of his life hed wasted on her and not more, but it still stung like f.u.c.k.

This place had quickly become a second home to him, with people who were, yes, helping him learn to live again.

Taking a deep breath, he got out and stretched.

You going to be okay? Don asked.

I have to be.

You know you have a lot of friends here, right? People who you didnt know with Maria. People who have your back.

Thats d.a.m.ned spooky.

It wasnt hard to connect the dots. Don headed around to the trunk to get their rope and implement bags. Try to remember how many new friends you have before you get sucked back down into your own head again. Remember that they arent going to screw you over the way Maria did. That its a new life for you. Quit thinking about the time you think you wasted with her.

Seriously, are you like a mind reader or something?

No, its just really obvious. Common. Again, why do you think Im not committing until Im sure I meet the absolute right one? I dont consider my time with them wasted, either. If I did that, Id be one miserable G.o.dd.a.m.ned f.u.c.k. I think of what I learned, what I took away from the relations.h.i.+p. The good things. Even the craziest chicks I dated, I still had some fun times, learned something. I was living my life, so that is in no way a waste. Youre only wasting the future by staying mired in the past.

Carl grabbed his bags from the trunk. You should go into making fortune cookies.

Dont think I havent considered it. Don grinned. You should see what I can do with chopsticks and rubber bands.

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