Part 30 (1/2)

”Of?”

”Of Dallas being there and not coming to see me. Of my realizing that his feelings might have changed when mine are stronger than ever.”

Willa didn't believe for one minute that Dallas had changed his mind about Smokey, but she was not going to make any promises.

”It's not like you to be afraid of anything. You'll never find out the truth by sitting around here. Not to mention that Jenny is your friend and you've got a lovely little baby named after 253.

you that you've never even seen. If Iwere Jenny, whichl'mnot, I'd be a mite hurt by your indifference”

”I don't feel indifferent,” Smokey protested.

”I know that, but Jenny doesn't.”

This gave Smokey pause, and she realized she was being very selfish. Dallas was probably still at sea, leaving Tate and Jenny in the dark as to why their friend would stay away after all these weeks. In the morning Smokey packed her bag and asked Da.r.s.ey to take her to Kennebunkport.

Smokey stared down into the cradle at Victoria Jennifer Pemberton and wondered if she had ever seen anyone so tiny and sweet. Jenny lifted her tiny daughter and pa.s.sed her into Smokey's waiting arms. Smokey sat down on the edge of the settee and just stared into the tiny dark eyes that seemed to be gazing right at her.

”She's precious.”

”We think so,” Jenny said softly. The two friends smiled at each other.

After another look at Victoria's round face, Smokey's eyes skimmed down the front of her friend's dress and then twinkled with suppressed laughter.

”I can see you've traded fullness in one area for another.”

Jenny really laughed at this and put her hand to her milk-swelled bosom. ”I think I could have fed twins.”

”So all I have to do to gain a fuller figure is become a mother.”

”That's all,” Jenny said with a nonchalant shrug, and the two women shared another laugh.

Smokey looked down at that point to see that Victoria had fallen asleep. She gently laid her back in the cradle. The women silently left the nursery. Neither one spoke until they were downstairs in the parlor.

254.

”You look wonderful, Smokey,” Jenny told her sincerely.

Smokey's hand went self-consciously to her hair.

”I guess I should have explained.”

”There is no need; Dallas was here.”

”Dallas was here?” Smokey asked, trying to keep her voice light.

”Yes, and I'm sorry about everything you had to go through.”

Jenny's eyes filled with tears.

”It's all right, Jen,” Smokey told her. ”I'm going to be all right.” Smokey was not sure she believed her own words at the moment, but she was trying.

They fell silent for just a few moments, a silence that bordered on discomfort until Jenny's face lit.

”I have some good news--Buck and Greer are married!”

”Oh, Jenny!” Smokey exclaimed as she tried to put aside her feelings of loss. ”That's wonderful! When did this happen?”

”Just a month ago. They wanted to wait until you were back, but they just didn't know when that would be.”

”That's all right. I'll have to go and see them. How does Buck like living in Greer's house?”

”He doesn't; I mean, they live at Buck's. Greer loves it.”

Smokey's whole frame tensed. ”And Greer's house?”

”It's sold,” Jenny told her softly, wanting to say more. She wished at the moment that she had never promised Dallas she would stay as quiet as possible about the sale.

Smokey nodded, her face full of calm acceptance. Jenny went on to fill her in on the goings-on of afew more folks, and then Victoria began to cry.

”I'll have to feed her,” Jenny said. ”You can stay if you like.”

”Thanks, Jen, but I think I'll take a walk on the beach. I'll be back before supper.”

The women went their separate ways then, but Smokey might have come back to the house if she could have seen Jenny in the second-story nursery window, tears pouring down her face, even as her baby fussed in her bed.

255.

”Please, Lord,” she whispered against the gla.s.s, begging G.o.d with every fiber of her being, ”Smokey has been through so much, and so has Dallas. Please help them to find each other and work things out very, very soon.”

257.

it felt wonderful to SMOKEY to be able to stretch her legs and feel the sand beneath her shoes and the wind on her face as she prayed Her voice was carried away on the wind, but still heard by her heavenly Father.

”You just want it to be You and me, don't You, Lord? You didn't want me to have Dallas or the house. Help me to accept that. Help me to see that having You is enough.”

Smokey stopped at that point and looked out to sea. It was a sight of which she never grew weary. For a time it had seemed that she would be giving up the sea and theAramis, but now she thought she'd best reconsider. Sailing was all she really knew how to do, and she was used to being her own boss.

”I want to face that pain of loss, Lord, and not just busy myself to avoid it, but I can't sit around ”Willa's and be underfoot there. Show me if You have a new path. Show me where I can best be used”

The tears came then, not a torrent, but they did flow down her face as she mourned the loss of her dreams. Smokey went on asking G.o.d to give her new dreams, dreams to reach for and realize.

Although her heart was heavy, she felt much better after she cried For the moment she couldn't think about Dallas. He was not attainable, and she would only cry again if she allowed her mind to dwell on his face. Smokey was about to turn back 257.

to Jenny's when she glanced up the beach and saw Greer's house. Telling herself she wanted just one more look, Smokey moved toward it.

It really was the most spectacular home she'd ever seen.

She felt there was little point in telling the new owners to keep her in mind if they decided to sell--she'd probably be an old woman by then--but she was tempted to rap on their door anyway.

Smokey gazed at the house in wonder for some time before she realized a man had come outside and was looking down at her on the beach. It was Dallas! Smokey watched in frozen amazement as he took the cliff steps to the sand and walked toward her. She didn't move a muscle, not even when he stopped less than two feet in front of her.