Part 5 (1/2)

”Wow, you loved that thing. I mean, it was ugly and thank G.o.d it's gone, but how come?”

I shrugged. ”It just didn't seem important anymore. Time to let it go.”

Ashleigh focused on uns.c.r.e.w.i.n.g the wine. I could see her words bubbling beneath the surface. She never held back. What was she contemplating? I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her until she told me what she was thinking. The smooth, creamy skin of her neck seemed to be waiting for my lips. My fingers buzzed with frustration at not being able to touch her.

She poured the wine-it seemed to take more concentration from her than it should. Her unblinking eyes and her fixed frown suggested she was performing brain surgery for the first time, not pouring two old friends a drink.

”So, that's a big change,” she finally said.

”What? The sofa? Not really. Or maybe it was, but now it's gone, I realize I should have thrown it out years ago. It doesn't feel like a big thing. It was time to move on.”

I grinned, aware of what I was saying and the implications it had for us. She remained silent.

”Can you bring the wine through if I take this?” I pointed to the tray of snacks I'd prepared. ”Shall we eat on the balcony?”

She nodded, her lack of words adding to the viscosity of the air between us.

I held the balcony door open and tilted my head, indicating she should go before me. As she stepped through, her hand brushed my torso and set the skin under my s.h.i.+rt alight. It was deliberate and flirtatious and the kind of thing I was used to from Ash, rather than Ashleigh. Was she trying to go back to before? Or was she deliberately making me want her? Instead of catching my eye, she took a seat and slid a gla.s.s of wine across the metal table to me.

”Wow, you can see the Shard. This place is great.” Relieved she'd finally spoken, I relaxed back into my chair.

”G.o.d, I meant to show you around.”

”It's fine. Later.” She sank back into the chair, looking over the view, relaxed.

”I've cooked duck,” I said, proudly.

”Double wow. Duck? Are you sure it's not from the Chinese place?” She raised her eyebrows at me.

”I'm sure.” I rolled my eyes. ”Heard from Haven?” She was more likely to have spoken to my sister than I was and talking about Haven felt neutral.

”Yeah. She's enjoying the city. Beth is dragging her around, showing her the sights. I think so Jake can spend time with his dad.”

”Haven can fend for herself.”

”I know, but you know how sweet Beth is. She's trying to keep her occupied, I think.”

”Yeah.” I knew everything there was to know about keeping occupied.

”How's the running?”

”The training's good. I went out this morning.” Exercising in the morning created a calmness in me that stayed with me for the rest of the day, which helped my productivity at work and stopped me from calling Ashleigh every time I thought of her. ”I'm trying to train six days a week.”

”Wow, are you eating more?” She absentmindedly trailed her eyes down my torso. I knew it wasn't a m.u.f.fin top that she looking at. The training had had an almost immediate effect on my body. I'd always been fit, but there was a definition under my skin that hadn't been as sharp before. My clothes fit slightly differently. I felt tighter, stronger, faster. It was a powerful feeling, but nothing compared to watching Ashleigh look over my body as if it were chocolate.

My d.i.c.k stirred as she wet her lips. I reached for my gla.s.s of wine, trying to shake it off. My movement interrupted her perusal of my abdomen, and a blush spread across her cheeks.

It was different between us, not because we were in a new place, but because it felt like a date. This didn't feel like two old friends getting together for a dinner. She was watching me because she liked how I looked, and I couldn't stop myself from imagining how she felt.

Maybe Ashleigh had always felt this and had managed to navigate the just friends thing, but for me something had changed and I couldn't go back to how we were. I didn't want to. What I wanted was to spread her out in front of me and have her for dinner.

I considered her over my gla.s.s. If I pushed things, would she resist me? Could she? Should I tell her how I was feeling, or would that be too much?

”Can I top you up?” I took her drink from her hands, deliberately brus.h.i.+ng my fingers over hers. She jumped as if I were conducting electricity. I did my best to bury a grin.

She was toast.

She was mine.

I continued to watch her as I poured more wine. She seemed determined to admire the London skyline.

”How about that tour?” I asked.

I stood and she followed me back into the living room.

I headed to the back wall, pus.h.i.+ng back walnut concertina doors. ”This is my study. I guess you could use it as a dining s.p.a.ce if you wanted to.”

”That's great. Big.” She ran her fingers across my desk and along the back of my chair as she checked out the books on the bookshelf.

”Are these yours? I don't remember them at . . . Emma's.”

”Yeah, they're mine. I never unpacked them.”

”G.o.d, yes, I remember this one. Didn't you read this at school? You wrote an essay.” She'd picked up a copy of Lord of the Flies and flicked to the back cover. ”You were obsessed with it. You called me Piggy for the entire summer.”

I frowned, but Ashleigh was turned toward the bookshelves so she couldn't see. ”I don't remember that. I mean, I remember reading it and being obsessed, but I don't remember calling you Piggy.”

”You don't? I didn't realize until years after that it wasn't because of my thighs-oh and this one. Do you remember? We used to take turns reading it to each other under the magnolia tree in your parents' garden.”

I nodded as I remembered the summer we pa.s.sed The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn around as if it were a secret treasure, which of course, it was. I think we spent the entire summer under that tree, reading, laughing, fighting. I moved toward Ashleigh, close enough to sweep her hair from her neck. I yearned to see more of that perfect skin.

She continued to talk about that summer, the blossom, the way that ever since antebellum had been one of her favorite words. She chattered as if my fingers weren't tangled in her hair, lingering over her neck, tracing her shoulder blades. G.o.d, she was mesmerizing. She smelled so sweet, so like summer. How had I resisted her allure for so long? Not seen how important she was to me? How precious, how s.e.xy? My skin felt tight, as if I were going to burst if I didn't feel her lips on mine.

”Ashleigh,” I whispered.

But instead of turning and reaching for me as I had expected, she stilled for a second before thrusting the book back on the shelf and hurrying out of the study.

What?

Had I done something wrong? Was I imagining the electricity between us?

I stalked after her to find her stuffing her phone back in her bag. Was she leaving? ”Ashleigh.”

”I can't. I mean, I melt when you're near me-”

My heart surged. I smiled and she looked away. ”That's good, Ashleigh. Me too.”

”But you don't get it. It's been happening to me for years. I mean, it can't feel the same for you. It's too soon. It's just been a few weeks since . . .”

”Since I woke up to what's been right in front of me? That makes me an idiot, not unsure of my feelings. If I could turn back time and do things differently, realize what I had with you before, I'd do it. But I can't, and I'm never going to be able to.”