Part 12 (1/2)

To: Jausten

From: Shoptillyoudrop

Subject: Arby's, Here We Come!

Would you believe Daddy forgot to make reservations at Le Chateaubriand? I only reminded him about 382 times. He insists he'll be able to get us a table. Oh, sure. At the last minute on Valentine's Day? Like that's ever going to happen!

Arby's, here we come.

XOXO,.

Mom

To: Jausten

From: DaddyO

Subject: Oops!

With all the Sturm und Drang of dealing with Lester ”The Gasbag Romeo” Pinkus, I forgot to make dinner reservations at Le Chateaubriand.

But fear not, Lambchop! I know how to grease a palm or two.

Love 'n' snuggles from

Your ever-resourceful,

Daddy

To: Jausten

From: Shoptillyoudrop

Subject: Worst Valentine's Ever!

Of course there weren't any tables available when we got to Le Chateaubriand. I knew there wouldn't be. Daddy tried to slip the maitre d' some money to get us a table, but the maitre d' just flipped his quarter right back at him.

We were about to leave when Lydia Pinkus came running up to us. She and Lester had a lovely table by the window, and Lydia invited us to join them. I felt sort of funny about it, after those two dozen roses from my ”Secret Admirer,” but Lydia insisted.

Daddy looked none too happy as we headed across the room, but I made him promise to behave himself.

I was a fool to think he'd keep his word. He spent the entire meal glaring at Lester and muttering under his breath. When Lester made a harmless reference to his days as an amateur boxer, Daddy began bragging about his ”grueling victories” on his college Ping-Pong team.

Worse, he took out his new Belgian Army Knife, the one I was crazy enough to give him for Valentine's Day, and kept talking about how the nose-hair trimmer could ”kill a man” under the right circ.u.mstances.

He insisted on using the built-in corkscrew to open our bottle of wine and proceeded to shove the cork straight into the bottle. We spent the whole night picking pieces of cork off our tongues.

Daddy made a big show of giving me my Valentine's gift at the table, which turned out to be a beautiful pink cubic zirconia ring. (Daddy insists it's a diamond, but it sure looked like CZ to me.) ”From your not-so-secret admirer,” he said as he handed me the ring, giving Lester the evil eye.

Lydia, always gracious in any social situation, made a big fuss over my ring and tried to keep the conversation going, but it was tough sledding, what with Daddy shooting dirty looks at Lester every few seconds.