Part 23 (1/2)
”Very well.”
”And how do you feel?”
”Quite well.”
”You don't feel excited?”
”Oh no! not by any means.”
”Ay, perfect apirexy, which means want of fever?”
”I should say so.”
”Perhaps you have some appet.i.te?”
”Yes, I have.”
”Did I not tell you so? Almond milk works wonders in such cases!”
Akosh smiled.
”n.o.body can think what healing powers there are in almond milk. You are quite well, eh? quite comfortable?”
”Yes, I am.”
”On my word and honour, I am sorry they did not call me sooner! I would have bled you.”
”Why should you, since my master is well?”
”Hold your tongue! On my word and---- I tell you that phlebotomy works wonders in such cases.”
”The h.o.m.opathists never bleed people,” said Akosh, with a degree of gravity which Kalman vainly attempted to imitate, when he saw the effect these words had upon the doctor.
”h.o.m.opathists!” cried that learned person, with a grin of rage. ”Well, and what do _they_ do? do they give you emetics, tonics, and hot medicines? Did any of them ever give you jalappa, bark, antispasmodic, antiphlogistic, antirheumatic, and aromatic medicines? Cardus benedictus, Rhabarbara, Tartarus, Sal mirabile Glauberi?”
”Stop!” cried Kalman. ”I am as sick as a dog!”
”Who ever heard of a h.o.m.opathist blistering or putting any other plaster on you? I'll not talk of poultices, issues, cupping, and hot baths. On my word and honour, what's a doctor good for if he can't even give you a paltry black draught, Elixirum Viennense?”
”True, doctor,” said Akosh; ”a patient, if treated h.o.m.opathically, must do without a mult.i.tude of enjoyments. The healing art ought, above all,----”
”To heal!” interrupted Sherer; ”and it's the doctor's duty to try every drug at the chemist's, and to call other medical men to a consultation, until his patient's recovery----”
”Or death!” said Kalman.
”Bravo!” cried Janosh.
”Or death?” shrieked Doctor Sherer, highly disgusted. ”On my word and honour, I tell you, gentlemen, a really good doctor saves nine patients out of ten; and if the tenth dies, why so much the worse, for I am sure _he_ suffered from an old complaint, or he applied for advice when no doctor could do him good. But suppose the patient were to die, sir; can that circ.u.mstance, trifling I may call it, relieve the doctor from his duty to give him everything which the professors teach at the university? On my word and honour, sir! answer me that, sir, if you can!”
”Oh, I can't. But the h.o.m.opathists too have their medicines, and cure their patients.”
”Of course they do,” sneered the doctor; ”but then Nature does it for them. Nature works wonders in many cases.”