Part 18 (1/2)
”Do not speak on the subject, Julius.”
”Very well. I was only supposing; a fellow-feeling, you know. I have married the girl I desired; and I am sorry for a young man who is obliged to leave a handsome mistress, and to feel that others may see her and talk to her while he cannot. It was only a supposition. Do not mind it.”
But the germ of every wrong deed is the reflection whether it be possible. And after Harry had gone away with the thought in his heart, Julius sat musing over his own plans, and Sophia wrote the letter which so unnecessarily and unkindly shadowed the pleasant life at Seat-Sandal.
For though the squire pooh-poohed it, and Charlotte professed indifference about it, and Mrs. Sandal kept a.s.suring herself and others that ”Harry never, never would do any thing wrong or unkind, especially about a woman,” every one was apprehensive and watchful. But at last, even suspicion tires of watching for events that never happen; and Sophia sent other letters, and made no mention of Harry; and the fear that had crouched at each home-heart slunk away into forgetfulness.
Into total forgetfulness. When Harry voluntarily came home for Christmas, no one coupled his visit with the remarks made by Sophia four months previously. They had not expected to see him, and the news of his advent barely reached the house before he followed it; for there was a heavy snow-storm, and the mail was sent forward with difficulty. So Mrs. Sandal was reading the letter announcing his visit when she heard his voice in the hall, and the joyful cry of Charlotte as she ran to meet him. And that night every one was too happy, too full of inquiry and information, to notice that Harry was under an unusual restraint. It did not even strike Charlotte until she awoke the next morning with all her faculties fresh and clear; then she felt, rather than understood, that there was something not quite right about Harry.
It was still snowing, and every thing was white; but the atmosphere of a quiet, happy Christmas was in the house. There were smiling faces and good wishes at the breakfast-table, and the s.h.i.+fting l.u.s.tres of blazing fires upon the dark walls and evergreens and wax-white mistletoe. And the wind brought a Christmas greeting from the bells of Furness and Torver, and Sandal-Side peal sent it on to Earlstower and Coniston.
After breakfast they all went to church; and Harry saw, as in a dream, the sacred table spread with spotless cloth and silver cups and flagons, and the dim place decked with holly, and the smiling glance of welcome from his old acquaintances in the village. And he fell into a reverie which was not a Christmas reverie, and had it suddenly broken by his sister singing high and clear the carol the angels sung on the hills of Bethlehem,--”Glory be to G.o.d on high!” And the tears sprang into his eyes, and he looked stealthily at his father and mother, who were reverently listening; and said softly to himself, ”I wish that I had never been born.”
For he had come to tell his father news which he knew would shake the foundations of love and life; and he felt like a coward and a thief in delaying the explanation. ”What right have I to this one day's more love?” he asked himself; and yet he could not endure to mar the holy, unselfish festival with the revelation of his own selfishness. As the day wore on, a sense of weariness and even gloom came with it. Rich food and wine are by no means conducive to cheerfulness. The squire sloomed and slept in his chair; and finally, after a cup of tea, went to bed.
The servants had a party in their own hall, and Mrs. Sandal and Charlotte were occupied an hour or two in its ordering. Then the mother was thoroughly weary; and before it was quite nine o'clock, Harry and Charlotte were left alone by the parlor fire. Charlotte was a little dull also; for Steve had found it impossible to get down the mountain during the storm, and she missed him, and was constantly inclined to fall into short silences.
After one of them, she raised her eyes to Harry's face, and was shocked by its expression. ”Harry,” she said, leaning forward to take his hand, ”I am sure you are in trouble. What is it?”
”If I durst tell you, Charlotte!”
”Whatever you have dared to do, you may dare to tell me, Harry, I think.”
”I have got married.”
”Well, where is the harm? Is it to the lady whose picture you showed me?”
”Yes. I told you she was poor.”
”It is a great pity she is poor. I am afraid we are getting poor too.
Father was saying last week that he had been talking with Squire Beverley. Emily is to have fifteen thousand pounds. Father is feverishly anxious about you and Emily. Her fortune would be a great thing at Sandal, and father likes her.”
”What is the use of talking about Emily? I have been married to Beatrice Lanza since last September.”
”Such a strange name! Is it a Scotch name?”
”She is an Italian.”
”Harry Sandal! What a shame!”
”Don't you think G.o.d made Italians as well as Englishmen?”
”That is not the question. G.o.d made Indians and negroes and all sorts of people. But he set the world in races, as he set races in families. He told the Jews to keep to themselves. He was angry when they intermarried with others. It always brought harm. What kind of a person is an Italian? They are papists, I know. The Pope of Rome is an Italian. O Harry, Harry, Harry! It will kill father and mother. But perhaps, as you met her in Edinburgh, she is a Protestant. The Scotch are all Protestants.”
”Beatrice is a Roman Catholic, a very strict Roman Catholic. I had to marry her in a Romish church.” He said the words rather defiantly, for Charlotte's att.i.tude offended him; and he had reached that point when it was a reckless pleasure to put things at their worst.
”Then I am ashamed of you. The dear old rector! He married father and mother; he christened and confirmed you; you might be sure, that if you could not ask him to marry you, you had no business to marry at all.”
”You said her face was like an angel's, and that you would love her, Charlotte.”
”Oh, indeed! But I did not think the angel was an Italian angel and a Roman-Catholic angel. Circ.u.mstances alter cases. You, who have been brought up a good Church-of-England gentleman, to go over to the Pope of Rome!”