Part 9 (1/2)

I stand at the end of the bed, staring at the man who awakened color in me. I'm grateful for that, of course, but it's not enough. I know from experience that the person who has that kind of power can also take it away.

”I'm sorry,” I whisper, before I walk out.

Chapter 13.

Present Day 4:31 a.m.

The nurse who brought me the coffee leads me to Maverick's room.

I see nothing around me. I know there are other people around-nurses, doctors, orderlies-but all I concentrate on are the slow breaths in and out. If I don't, I might stop breathing altogether.

”If anyone else is coming, they'll need to check in at the nurses' station,” the nurse says. ”We ask that there're only two visitors in the room at a time, and that there's minimal talking and distraction.”

I nod, my typical answer.

She opens a door across from the nurses' station, a door I could see from the waiting room. We haven't walked far. Then she steps aside for me to enter first.

I have pictures in my head. Fake representations of reality. I will never be able to paint a sunset the way it really is, not from mental depictions alone. I always make mistakes-a misplaced shadow, a distortion in color, an accidental brushstroke-that alter the real thing. So I wonder what has my mind altered with Maverick?

”I don't normally work this floor,” the nurse says, her voice hushed. She motions to the nurse in the room standing behind a computer. ”That's J.J. She'll take care of you tonight.”

I nod, think ”thank you,” but the words won't pa.s.s my lips. I'm holding the coffee tighter now that I've entered. The room is dim. Beeping, sucking, mechanical noises fill the air. I can see the bottom of the hospital bed. The outlines of Maverick's feet are at the end, covered in an arctic blue blanket. His legs, his body are under there, unmoving.

I can't even pretend he's sleeping, because he never sleeps this soundly. He's usually tossing and turning and stealing my half of the blankets. Normally I can wake him up with an elbow to his back or a yank of the duvet. Today, I won't be waking him up.

As my gaze travels up the blue blanket, the color changes from cornflower to light gray. It spreads like water being soaked up into a paper towel until the drab hue saturates the whole room.

I suck in a breath when I see his face. The scene in front of me is so much worse than the ones I've imagined.

”I'll give you a few minutes,” someone behind me says.

I don't nod. I don't move. I'm frozen in place, staring at my husband. His smile, his beautiful eyes, dark hair, olive skin, s.e.xy voice-all gone. In front of me is a man I don't recognize.

The coffee cup falls from my hands as I cover my mouth in case Mav can hear me. I don't want him to worry, so I puff out monster spouts of air I can't get a handle on.

I'm losing it. Because no matter what happens from here or what happened in the past, he's still mine. This broken, lifeless man who rescued me, he'll always be mine.

I rush to his side, grab his hand, and clasp it to my mouth. Tears roll over his skin, my tears.

”Maverick,” I whimper. ”Maverick, please. Please come back to me. Please, baby.”

Chapter 14.

Cancun, Mexico 27 Months Ago My hand is shaking so hard it takes me three tries to unlock my hotel room door. Images of red still cover my mental canvas. Bright, deep, loud red. Heat I can't forget courses through my body.

I need a drink.

I close the door softly, even though I'm sure Finley is in Jake's room again tonight. The a.s.sumption was that I'd be occupying ours. After I calm down, I'll call her and tell her to get her a.s.s over here. I've made a huge mistake and I can't deal with it alone.

I don't bother with the lights, crossing the room toward the balcony. There's no way I'll be able to sleep tonight. How can I, when my head and heart and body are odds? The past and the present colliding in one jumbled up c.r.a.p fest.

Chris was right. I'm such an idiot, a nave, stupid girl.

”Ali?”

The sound of my name whispered into the air stops me halfway across the room. I twist just as the light flicks on and instantly wish I hadn't. Finley is sitting at the edge of the bed with only the sheet covering her from the waist down. Beside her, Jake is full-on naked, lying on his back with arms above his head, snoring.

I spin back around, closing my eyes.

”Sorry,” I mutter. ”I didn't know you would be here.”

”Me? What are you doing here?” she growls. ”What happened with Maverick?”

”Nothing,” I say too quickly.

I hear her groan. A few seconds later she's at my side, opening the balcony doors.

”Out,” she says.

I do. I walk over to the rail and lean against it. The beach is captivating at this time of night. It's quiet, only a few people out along the coastline. The sound of waves splas.h.i.+ng sends off calming vibes I desperately need.

Dressed in what is probably Jake's s.h.i.+rt, Finley joins me, sighing. ”Tell me about your 'nothing.'”

I shake my head as the memory of Maverick's and my night replays in my mind. Touches, caresses, moaning, screaming-pa.s.sion. Mind-blowing, all-consuming pa.s.sion.

”I did it,” I say. ”We did it.”

”It as in s.e.x, right?” She's hopeful, almost smiling.

”Yes.”

She squeals. ”Ah! How was it? I want details.”

I hate that she's excited. She doesn't get it.

”Finley,” I say, focusing on the water. I grip the railing. ”I screwed up, okay? I never should have gone with him.”

She touches my arm, suddenly serious. ”Did he hurt you?”

”No, nothing like that.”

”Ohhhkay. Then what am I missing?”

”I don't know, everything.” I bite the inside of my cheek. ”I'm not cut out for this, Finn. Hooking up for the night with some random guy, and then-”