Part 1 (2/2)

The next day he took me on board a French brig; but the Captain did not chuse to buy me: he said I was too small; so the merchant took me home with him again.

The partner, whom I have spoken of as my enemy, was very angry to see me return, and again purposed putting an end to my life; for he represented to the other, that I should bring them into troubles and difficulties, and that I was so little that no person would buy me.

The merchant's resolution began to waver, and I was indeed afraid that I should be put to death: but however he said he would try me once more.

A few days after a Dutch s.h.i.+p came into the harbour, and they carried me on board, in hopes that the Captain would purchase me.--As they went, I heard them agree, that, if they could not sell me _then_, they would throw me overboard.--I was in extreme agonies when I heard this; and as soon as ever I saw the Dutch Captain, I ran to him, and put my arms round him, and said, ”father, save me.” (for I knew that if he did not buy me, I should be treated very ill, or, possibly, murdered) And though he did not understand my language, yet it pleased the Almighty to influence him in my behalf, and he bought me _for two yards of check_, which is of more value _there_, than in England.

When I left my dear mother I had a large quant.i.ty of gold about me, as is the custom of our country, it was made into rings, and they were linked into one another, and formed into a kind of chain, and so put round my neck, and arms and legs, and a large piece hanging at one ear almost in the shape of a pear. I found all this troublesome, and was glad when my new Master took it from me--I was now washed, and clothed in the Dutch or English manner.--My master grew very fond of me, and I loved him exceedingly. I watched every look, was always ready when he wanted me, and endeavoured to convince him, by every action, that my only pleasure was to serve him well.--I have since thought that he must have been a serious man. His actions corresponded very well with such a character.--He used to read prayers in public to the s.h.i.+p's crew every Sabbath day; and when first I saw him read, I was never so surprised in my whole life as when I saw the book talk to my master; for I thought it did, as I observed him to look upon it, and move his lips.--I wished it would do so to me.--As soon as my master had done reading I follow'd him to the place where he put the book, being mightily delighted with it, and when n.o.body saw me, I open'd it and put my ear down close upon it, in great hope that it wou'd say something to me; but was very sorry and greatly disappointed when I found it would not speak, this thought immediately presented itself to me, that every body and every thing despis'd me because I was black.

I was exceedingly sea-sick at first; but when I became more accustom'd to the sea, it wore off.--My master's s.h.i.+p was bound for Barbadoes. When we came there, he thought fit to speak of me to several gentlemen of his acquaintance, and one of them exprest a particular desire to see me.--He had a great mind to buy me; but the Captain could not immediately be prevail'd on to part with me; but however, as the gentleman seem'd very solicitous, he at length let me go, and I was sold for fifty dollars (_four and sixpenny-pieces in English_). My new master's name was Vanhorn, a young Gentleman; his home was in New-England in the City of New-York; to which place he took me with him. He dress'd me in his livery, and was very good to me. My chief business was to wait at table, and tea, and clean knives, and I had a very easy place; but the servants us'd to curse and swear surprizingly; which I learnt faster than any thing, 'twas almost the first English I could speak. If any of them affronted me, I was sure to call upon G.o.d to d.a.m.n them immediately; but I was broke of it all at once, occasioned by the correction of an old black servant that liv'd in the family--One day I had just clean'd the knives for dinner, when one of the maids took one to cut bread and b.u.t.ter with; I was very angry with her, and called upon G.o.d to d.a.m.n her; when this old black man told me I must not say so. I ask'd him why? He replied there was a wicked man call'd the Devil, that liv'd in h.e.l.l, and would take all that said these words, and put them in the fire and burn them.--This terrified me greatly, and I was entirely broke of swearing.--Soon after this, as I was placing the china for tea, my mistress came into the room just as the maid had been cleaning it; the girl had unfortunately sprinkled the wainscot with the mop; at which my mistress was angry; the girl very foolishly answer'd her again, which made her worse, and she call'd upon G.o.d to d.a.m.n her.--I was vastly concern'd to hear this, as she was a fine young lady, and very good to me, insomuch that I could not help speaking to her, ”Madam, says I, you must not say so,” Why, says she? Because there is a black man call'd the Devil that lives in h.e.l.l, and he will put you in the fire and burn you, and I shall be very sorry for that. Who told you this replied my lady?

Old Ned, says I. Very well was all her answer; but she told my master of it, and he order'd that old Ned should be tyed up and whipp'd, and was never suffer'd to come into the kitchen with the rest of the servants afterwards.--My mistress was not angry with me, but rather diverted with my simplicity and, by way of talk, She repeated what I had said, to many of her acquaintance that visited her; among the rest, Mr. Freelandhouse, a very gracious, good Minister, heard it, and he took a great deal of notice of me, and desired my master to part with me to him. He would not hear of it at first, but, being greatly persuaded, he let me go, and Mr.

Freelandhouse gave 50. for me.--He took me home with him, and made me kneel down, and put my two hands together, and pray'd for me, and every night and morning he did the same.--I could not make out what it was for, nor the meaning of it, nor what they spoke to when they talk'd--I thought it comical, but I lik'd it very well.--After I had been a little while with my new master I grew more familiar, and ask'd him the meaning of prayer: (I could hardly speak english to be understood) he took great pains with me, and made me understand that he pray'd to G.o.d, who liv'd in Heaven; that He was my Father and best Friend.--I told him that this must be a mistake; that _my_ father liv'd at Bournou, and I wanted very much to see him, and likewise my dear mother, and sister, and I wish'd he would be so good as to send me home to them; and I added, all I could think of to induce him to convey me back. I appeared in great trouble, and my good master was so much affected that the tears ran down his face. He told me that G.o.d was a Great and Good Spirit, that He created all the world, and every person and thing in it, in Ethiopia, Africa, and America, and every where. I was delighted when I heard this: There, says I, I always thought so when I liv'd at home! Now if I had wings like an Eagle I would fly to tell my dear mother that G.o.d is greater than the sun, moon, and stars; and that they were made by Him.

I was exceedingly pleas'd with this information of my master's, because it corresponded so well with my own opinion; I thought now if I could but get home, I should be wiser than all my country-folks, my grandfather, or father, or mother, or any of them--But though I was somewhat enlighten'd by this information of my master's, yet, I had no other knowledge of G.o.d but that He was a Good Spirit, and created every body, and every thing--I never was sensible in myself, nor had any one ever told me, that He would punish the wicked, and love the just. I was only glad that I had been told there was a G.o.d because I had always thought so.

My dear kind master grew very fond of me, as was his Lady; she put me to School, but I was uneasy at that, and did not like to go; but my master and mistress requested me to learn in the gentlest terms, and persuaded me to attend my school without any anger at all; that, at last, I came to like it better, and learnt to read pretty well. My schoolmaster was a good man, his name was Vanosdore, and very indulgent to me.--I was in this state when, one Sunday, I heard my master preach from these words out of the Revelations, chap. i. v. 7. _”Behold, He cometh in the clouds and every eye shall see him and they that pierc'd Him.”_ These words affected me excessively; I was in great agonies because I thought my master directed them to me only; and, I fancied, that he observ'd me with unusual earnestness--I was farther confirm'd in this belief as I look'd round the church, and could see no one person beside myself in such grief and distress as I was; I began to think that my master hated me, and was very desirous to go home, to my own country; for I thought that if G.o.d did come (as he said) He would be sure to be most angry with _me_, as I did not know what He was, nor had ever heard of him before.

I went home in great trouble, but said nothing to any body.--I was somewhat afraid of my master; I thought he disliked me.--The next text I heard him preach from was, Heb. xii. 14. _”follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the LORD.”_ he preached the law so severely, that it made me tremble.--he said, that G.o.d would judge the whole world; Ethiopia, Asia, and Africa, and every where.--I was now excessively perplexed, and undetermined what to do; as I had now reason to believe my situation would be equally bad to go, as to stay.--I kept these thoughts to myself, and said nothing to any person whatever.

I should have complained to my good mistress of this great trouble of mind, but she had been a little strange to me for several days before this happened, occasioned by a story told of me by one of the maids. The servants were all jealous, and envied me the regard, and favour shewn me by my master and mistress; and the Devil being always ready, and diligent in wickedness, had influenced this girl, to make a lye on me.--This happened about hay-harvest, and one day when I was unloading the waggon to put the hay into the barn, she watched an opportunity, in my absence, to take the fork out of the stick, and hide it: when I came again to my work, and could not find it, I was a good deal vexed, but I concluded it was dropt somewhere among the hay; so I went and bought another with my own money: when the girl saw that I had another, she was so malicious that she told my mistress I was very unfaithful, and not the person she took me for; and that she knew, I had, without my master's permission, order'd many things in his name, that he must pay for; and as a proof of my carelessness produc'd the fork she had taken out of the stick, and said, she had found it out of doors--My Lady, not knowing the truth of these things, was a little shy to me, till she mention'd it, and then I soon cleared myself, and convinc'd her that these accusations were false.

I continued in a most unhappy state for many days. My good mistress insisted on knowing what was the matter. When I made known my situation she gave me John Bunyan on the holy war, to read; I found his experience similar to my own, which gave me reason to suppose he must be a bad man; as I was convinc'd of my own corrupt nature, and the misery of my own heart: and as he acknowledg'd that he was likewise in the same condition, I experienc'd no relief at all in reading his work, but rather the reverse.--I took the book to my lady, and inform'd her I did not like it at all, it was concerning a wicked man as bad as myself; and I did not chuse to read it, and I desir'd her to give me another, wrote by a better man that was holy and without sin.--She a.s.sur'd me that John Bunyan was a good man, but she could not convince me; I thought him to be too much like myself to be upright, as his experience seem'd to answer with my own.

I am very sensible that nothing but the great power and unspeakable mercies of the Lord could relieve my soul from the heavy burden it laboured under at that time.--A few days after my master gave me Baxter's _Call to the unconverted_. This was no relief to me neither; on the contrary it occasioned as much distress in me as the other had before done, _as it_ invited all to come to _Christ_ and I found myself so wicked and miserable that I could not come--This consideration threw me into agonies that cannot be described; insomuch that I even attempted to put an end to my life--I took one of the large case-knives, and went into the stable with an intent to destroy myself; and as I endeavoured with all my strength to force the knife into my side, it bent double. I was instantly struck with horror at the thought of my own rashness, and my conscience told me that had I succeeded in this attempt I should probably have gone to h.e.l.l.

I could find no relief, nor the least shadow of comfort; the extreme distress of my mind so affected my health that I continued very ill for three Days, and Nights; and would admit of no means to be taken for my recovery, though my lady was very kind, and sent many things to me; but I rejected every means of relief and wished to die--I would not go into my own bed, but lay in the stable upon straw--I felt all the horrors of a troubled conscience, so hard to be born, and saw all the vengeance of G.o.d ready to overtake me--I was sensible that there was no way for me to be saved unless I came to _Christ_, and I could not come to Him: I thought that it was impossible He should receive such a sinner as me.

The last night that I continued in this place, in the midst of my distress these words were brought home upon my mind, _”Behold the Lamb of G.o.d.”_ I was something comforted at this, and began to grow easier and wished for day that I might find these words in my bible--I rose very early the following morning, and went to my school-master, Mr.

Vanosdore, and communicated the situation of my mind to him; he was greatly rejoiced to find me enquiring the way to Zion, and blessed the Lord who had worked so wonderfully for me a poor heathen.--I was more familiar with this good gentleman than with my master, or any other person; and found myself more at liberty to talk to him: he encouraged me greatly, and prayed with me frequently, and I was always benefited by his discourse.

About a quarter of a mile from my Master's house stood a large remarkably fine Oak-tree, in the midst of a wood; I often used to be employed there in cutting down trees, (a work I was very fond of) I seldom failed going to this place every day; sometimes twice a day if I could be spared. It was the highest pleasure I ever experienced to set under this Oak; for there I used to pour out all my complaints to the LORD: and when I had any particular grievance I used to go there, and talk to the tree, and tell my sorrows, as if it had been to a friend.

Here I often lamented my own wicked heart, and undone state; and found more comfort and consolation than I ever was sensible of before.--Whenever I was treated with ridicule or contempt, I used to come here and find peace. I now began to relish the book my Master gave me, Baxter's _Call to the unconverted_, and took great delight in it. I was always glad to be employ'd in cutting wood, 'twas a great part of my business, and I follow'd it with delight, as I was then quite alone and my heart lifted up to G.o.d, and I was enabled to pray continually; and blessed for ever be his Holy Name, he faithfully answer'd my prayers. I can never be thankful enough to Almighty G.o.d for the many comfortable opportunities I experienced there.

It is possible the circ.u.mstance I am going to relate will not gain credit with many; but this I know, that the joy and comfort it conveyed to me, cannot be expressed and only conceived by those who have experienced the like.

I was one day in a most delightful frame of mind; my heart so overflowed with love and grat.i.tude to the Author of all my comforts.--I was so drawn out of myself, and so fill'd and awed by the Presence of G.o.d that I saw (or thought I saw) light inexpressible dart down from heaven upon me, and shone around me for the s.p.a.ce of a minute.--I continued on my knees, and joy unspeakable took possession of my soul.--The peace and serenity which filled my mind after this was wonderful, and cannot be told.--I would not have changed situations, or been any one but myself for the whole world. I blest G.o.d for my poverty, that I had no worldly riches or grandeur to draw my heart from Him. I wish'd at that time, if it had been possible for me, to have continued on that spot for ever. I felt an unwillingness in myself to have any thing more to do with the world, or to mix with society again. I seemed to possess a full a.s.surance that my sins were forgiven me. I went home all my way rejoicing, and this text of scripture came full upon my mind. _”And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; but I will put my fear in their hearts that they shall not depart from me.”_ The first opportunity that presented itself, I went to my old school-master, and made known to him the happy state of my soul who joined with me in praise to G.o.d for his mercy to me the vilest of sinners.--I was now perfectly easy, and had hardly a wish to make beyond what I possess'd, when my temporal comforts were all blasted by the death of my dear and worthy Master Mr. Freelandhouse, who was taken from this world rather suddenly: he had but a short illness, and died of a fever. I held his hand in mine when he departed; he told me he had given me my freedom. I was at liberty to go where I would.--He added that he had always pray'd for me and hop'd I should be kept unto the end. My master left me by his will ten pounds, and my freedom.

I found that if he had lived 'twas his intention to take me with him to Holland, as he had often mention'd me to some friends of his there that were desirous to see me; but I chose to continue with my Mistress who was as good to me as if she had been my mother.

The loss of Mr. Freelandhouse distress'd me greatly, but I was render'd still more unhappy by the clouded and perplex'd situation of my mind; the great enemy of my soul being ready to torment me, would present my own misery to me in such striking light, and distress me with doubts, fears, and such a deep sense of my own unworthiness, that after all the comfort and encouragement I had received, I was often tempted to believe I should be a Cast-away at last.--The more I saw of the Beauty and Glory of G.o.d, the more I was humbled under a sense of my own vileness. I often repair'd to my old place of prayer; I seldom came away without consolation. One day this Scripture was wonderfully apply'd to my mind, _”And ye are compleat in Him which is the Head of all princ.i.p.alities and power.”_--The Lord was pleas'd to comfort me by the application of many gracious promises at times when I was ready to sink under my troubles.

_”Wherefore He is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto G.o.d by Him seeing He ever liveth to make intercession for them._ Hebrews x. ver. 14. _For by one offering He hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.”_

My kind, indulgent Mistress liv'd but two years after my Master. Her death was a great affliction to me. She left five sons, all gracious young men, and Ministers of the Gospel.--I continued with them all, one after another, till they died; they liv'd but four years after their parents. When it pleased G.o.d to take them to Himself, I was left quite dest.i.tute, without a friend in the world. But I who had so often experienced the Goodness of G.o.d, trusted in Him to do what He pleased with me.--In this helpless condition I went in the wood to prayer as usual; and tho' the snow was a considerable height, I was not sensible of cold, or any other inconveniency.--At times indeed when I saw the world frowning round me, I was tempted to think that the LORD had forsaken me. I found great relief from the contemplation of these words in Isaiah xlix. v. 16. _”Behold I have graven thee on the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.”_ And very many comfortable promises were sweetly applied to me. The lx.x.xix. Psalm and 34th verse, _”My covenant will I not break nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips.”_ Hebrews, chap. xvi. v. 17, 18. Phillipians, chap. i. v. 6; and several more.

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