Part 18 (1/2)

She didn't know what to say. Hel , what was there to say?

”Can you tell me about it?”

Woodenly, she said, ”There's not much to tel . The tube ruptured. The baby never had a chance.”

”And you? How were you?”

Alone. But she kept that to herself. ”I'm still around, aren't I?” There was really no point in explaining that she'd nearly died. What good would that do either of them?

He cupped her chin and forced her to look at him. ”You're not going to talk about it yet, are you?”

Taige averted her eyes. ”There really isn't that much to talk about, Cullen.”

”Yeah, there is.” He s.h.i.+fted, moving around so that he stood behind her, keeping one arm wrapped around her waist. The other hand he pressed to her belly. ”I'm no doctor, but I remember anatomy well enough. There are two tubes; only one is gone.”

Reaching down, she caught his hand. ”Yes. One is gone.” She guided his hand lower and laid it down flat against the scar low on her belly. That bullet had ripped through her abdomen, damaging the other ovary beyond repair. ”On the other side, there's no ovary, Cullen. A bullet saw to that. So it looks like you lucked out all around. You don't need to worry about me getting knocked up, even if we spend the next ten years f.u.c.king like rabbits.”

Then she jerked away from him and stormed down the hallway.

LOOKS like you lucked out all around.

Cullen sat on the beach, feeling like he'd been wrung dry.

Going from an emotional high to an all-time low in the matter of minutes was h.e.l.l. He thought that maybe he could have done the Iron Man triathlon and still not feel this worked over.

Taige had been pregnant. Nineteen years old, alone, and pregnant. He didn't know jack s.h.i.+t about tubal pregnancies, but something about the way her face had looked when she talked about it made his gut knot inside. Then there were the tears that had rolled down her cheeks and the way she pressed a hand protectively to her belly as she murmured, The baby never had a chance. She'd wanted the baby. He knew that as well as he knew his own name.

Fury gnawed nasty, ugly holes inside him. That faded, puckered scar low on her belly: he'd thought of the pain she must have gone through, and he thought of how easily she could have died, but he hadn't known that whoever had shot her had robbed her. Robbed her of the chance to get pregnant.

And how much of this was his fault?

If he hadn't thrown her out of his life that last day, he could have been there with her when she lost the baby. He wasn't so impressed with himself to think that maybe if he'd been with her as he should have been, it never would have happened. But she'd been alone, and pregnant, because he was a selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

It had been his words that pushed her into the career she chose. He didn't give a d.a.m.n what she said to the contrary, and he knew she had saved lives, done a lot of good for others. Because of what he'd said and done, because of how he'd acted, Taige had gone into a career that broke her heart regularly, that was dangerous, and that had taken away her chance at having a child.

He thought of Jillian, how she regularly broke his heart and how she regularly made him so d.a.m.n proud, how he loved her so much it felt like his heart would explode from it. Then he thought of Taige, how protective she was, how fierce and how she loved with everything she had inside her. She would have been the kind of mother every child should have, and that had been stolen from her.

The sand m.u.f.fled her footsteps, and Cullen didn't realize she was standing behind him until she said, ”Are you going to sit out here all afternoon and all night?”

Slanting a look at her over his shoulder, he shrugged. ”Occurred to me.”

”Going to be hard to help me if you plan on spending the time counting the waves.”

”I'm sorry, Taige.”

Her eyes met his for a split second, and then she looked away. ”For what? Counting waves?”

”You know what.”

Blowing out a ragged breath, Taige moved closer and sank gracefully to the ground.

She kept a good two feet between them. ”Don't, Cullen. Okay? Just don't. All of it is over and done with, and for the most part, I'm okay with it. I've got a lot of bad s.h.i.+t inside of me, and maybe this is G.o.d's way of making sure I don't pa.s.s it on.”

”That's a load of c.r.a.p,” Cullen said in a flat voice. ”You don't have a d.a.m.n thing bad inside of you.”

”We'll just have to disagree on that one.” She shrugged. ”It's something I've mostly dealt with, so just let it go.”

He could tel by the way she held herself that she wanted some distance, might have even needed it. But he needed to touch her. Rolling to his knees, Cul en crawled across the sand until he could kneel in front of her. Her hands felt cold under his. ”I don't know that I can let this go, Taige.” Cullen still couldn't believe she'd been pregnant and that now she'd never be able to conceive a baby again. It just didn't seem fair.

”Try,” she said grimly. Her eyes were stark and cool, the dull, leaden gray of a winter sky. Everything about her had gone cold and distant.

Apprehension gnawed at him, but then she twined her fingers with his. ”Things are moving a little too fast for me right now, Cullen,” she murmured. Her gaze lowered, and her lashes s.h.i.+elded her eyes from him. ”I know I threw a lot at you, but none of it is easy for me to talk about. I just can't do it right now. I don't even know which way is up. I need some time to level out.”

A sigh escaped him. Reaching up, he cupped her chin and lifted it so he could see her eyes. ”This isn't done, Taige.” Cullen stroked her lower lip with his thumb. He bent his head and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. ”We got enough going on right now, that's for certain. But this isn't done. And while you're leveling out, there's something you need to keep in mind. I meant every word I said before, when I told you that I still love you and that I want you back in my life.”

Cullen slanted his mouth over hers, cupping his hand over the back of her skul and holding her still. Under his mouth, she was soft and sweet. She sighed into his mouth, and when he slid a hand up her side and cupped her breast, she arched into him with a moan.

Urging her backward, he covered her body with his. Her hands slid under his s.h.i.+rt, her fingers cool and agile, stroking over the sensitive skin of his lower back and then dipping under the waistband of his jeans. ”You certain you want to do this out here?” she murmured against his lips. ”We're going to get sand everywhere.”

”Is that your subtle way of tel ing me no?” Unconcerned about her answer, or the sand, he kissed his way down her throat, pausing at her pulse and licking the soft, satiny skin.

She laughed. It was a low, husky sound, and it warmed him inside. ”If I was going to tel you no, I wouldn't mess with being subtle.”

”So is that a yes?”

With gentle but insistent hands, she pushed against his shoulders. Reluctant, he pushed up onto his hands and knees and then slowly settled back on his haunches, staring at her.

A small smile danced on her lips. Her hands went to the hem of her s.h.i.+rt, and Cullen felt his mouth go dry as she stripped her s.h.i.+rt away. Under it, she wore another plain bra of white cotton. The sight of that simple white against the golden glow of her skin was d.a.m.ned erotic. Her blue jeans shorts rode low on her hips. The bra and the shorts did little to conceal the scars on her body: the puckered, faded scar from where she'd been shot; a thin, shallow scar on the upper curve of her left breast. Her body was long, lean, and strong, thinner than it should be, and the sight of her was enough to lay him low. His s.e.xy warrior. No, she wasn't just a warrior, she was a warrior queen, and he felt like he should be on his hands and knees in wors.h.i.+p.

Hmmmm . . . not a bad idea. As she stood up in front of him, he reached for the waistband of her shorts, but before he could strip them away, she stiffened. From head to toe, her body tensed, and she pulled away.

”Taige-”

Shaking her head, she flung up a hand and rasped, ”Stay back. Oh, G.o.d . . .” It was a harsh, tormented moan. Slowly, she sank to her knees and doubled over, her arms wrapped around her middle like she'd been punched right in the gut.

Frustrated, helpless, Cullen stood by watching until she fell over in the sand, and then he couldn't hold stil anymore. A weak whimper escaped her throat as he scooped her into his arms and sat there, holding her in his lap. Stroking a hand up and down her back, he murmured to her and brooded. Prayed. He kissed her temple and rocked her back and forth, and all the while, she curled into him. She didn't speak. Occasionally, there was a soft little mewling sound, but that was it.

Cullen didn't know how much time pa.s.sed. He lost count of the waves that crashed into the sand. The tide moved out, and water that had been lapping just inches away from his feet was a good five or six feet away. The clear, flawless blue sky slowly started to deepen and darken, the moon making its ascent while the sun still burned, sinking closer and closer to the horizon.

The setting sun had started to paint the sky with a palette of orange, gold, and pink when Taige finally moved. Deep in her throat, she made a harsh, guttural moan, and her spine bowed, her neck arching back. For the first time, he saw her face.

An icy chil ran through him when he saw her eyes. They were black. The pupil was so huge, it had all but eclipsed the iris, and he couldn't see the soft gray at all. In a matter of heartbeats, her icy skin started to warm, and by the time the sun had completely set, she was burning hot in his arms. Her skin was dry, although he had broken out into a sweat from the heat she was throwing off.

Terrified no longer described what he felt. There was only one time in his life he'd felt like this, and that had been in the hours after he'd learned that Jillian had been abducted.

His fingers trembled minutely as he went to push her hair back. Fisting his hand in her soft thick curls, he said, ”Taige. Come on, baby. Talk to me.”