Part 14 (1/2)

Taige tugged against the arm he'd wrapped around her belly, but he wouldn't let her go.

”You didn't force me into this, Cullen. It was my choice.”

”And what I said to you, what I accused you of, had nothing to do with that choice?”

He rested his hands on her hips, stroking absently. He didn't even seem to realize he was touching her, and that was just another little torture, because she was so d.a.m.ned aware of him, she could hardly follow the conversation.

”So what if it did?” Taige stiffened her body and tried again to pull away. This time, he let her go, and she got a good five feet between them before she turned to look at him.

”You gave me a kick in the a.s.s, a much-needed kick.”

”You didn't need to be forced into a life where you're constantly risking your neck, your safety-your sanity. You live in h.e.l.l, doing what you do.”

Bitterly, Taige thought, I've lived in h.e.l.l all my life. It's pretty much about all I know.

But that wasn't entirely true. The few years she'd had with him hadn't been h.e.l.l. Not until she failed him.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye as she turned to stare out at the rolling blue green waters of the Gulf. The water was rougher than usual today, and the waves crashed into the sand. Turning her head, Taige stared back over the beach where they had walked. Already, the waves had washed away their footprints. It was like they had never walked there. If only something could come and wipe away her memories that easily.

Memories of Cullen, memories of the people she'd failed to save-including his mom.

”I'm not in h.e.l.l, Cul en,” she said quietly. Granted, there were times when she would agree with him, times when she was certain she did indeed live in h.e.l.l. But then there were times like when she had looked through the curtain in the hospital and seen Jillian's sleeping face. She hadn't dreamed of the girl once in the month since she had left Cullen in the hospital with his daughter.

Looking back at what she'd done with her life, she knew it was worth it. It would have been worth the heartbreak, the rage, and the tears if she saved even one life. Instead, she'd gotten to see dozens of kids safely home to their parents. Kids she had pulled out of their own h.e.l.l. Whatever h.e.l.l she had to live in, it was worth it for that.

”If you could give it up, would you?”

Startled, she looked back at Cullen. All the distance she had put between them just moments ago was gone, and he stood so close, she could see blue and green striations in his eyes. She could smell the warm, musky scent of his skin, and she could almost feel his mouth on hers.

His lips moved, and Taige had to bite back a moan as she fought the urge to cover that mouth with hers. ”Would you?” he asked persistently.

Dazed, she tried to remember what he'd asked. Would she give it up? ”Give up the ability to see things?” She averted her eyes. She couldn't think when she looked at him.

”No. No, I wouldn't give it up.”

Self-preservation kept her from looking at him, but it also left her unprepared for his touch when he reached out, curved a hand over her neck. He drew her close. The feel of his hand on her flesh weakened her to the point that she couldn't resist-that she didn't want to. ”Always so strong, aren't you, Taige?” he murmured, his thumb rubbing back and forth over her neck.

No. She didn't feel strong at all, staring in his blue green eyes and wis.h.i.+ng he was actually here with her, not in some dream, even if they were both sharing the dreams, and that was something she still didn't want to think about. ”It doesn't have anything to do with being strong, Cul en. It just has to do with being me. I can't change what I am any more than you can change who you are.”

”Hmmm.” His gaze dropped down, lingering on her mouth. ”I don't know that I'd want to change you.” His thumb stroked over her lower lip, and she felt an answering throb deep inside. ”But I'd do d.a.m.n near anything to change how much you've been hurt.

From me, from this job of yours, from life.”

Turning her head aside, Taige said in a flat, unhappy voice, ”Life hurts, Cul en. That's just a fact. n.o.body can change it.”

”But it shouldn't hurt,” he whispered. His hand moved to her chin, bringing her face around so that their eyes met. ”It's going to, but there ought to be just as much pleasure as pain. How long has it been since you felt the pleasure of life, Taige?” He didn't wait for an answer.

Instead, he kissed her. With his free hand pressed to her back, he pul ed her up against him. She groaned into his mouth, and in response, he growled rough in his chest. The tension in the air seemed to heighten. Taige could sense the wild hunger inside him. It echoed her own, and she braced herself instinctively, but Cullen kept his kiss soft, seductively slow. He lifted his head just a fraction. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her mouth, could still smell him, still taste him as she licked her lips. ”I want to show you some pleasure, Taige.”

The word no seemed to freeze inside her throat. She wanted to say it. It was circling inside her head, but when she tried to force it out, she couldn't. Her body was rebelling against her, willing to go along with whatever Cul en might want. As he slid his hands under the straps of her swimsuit, she stood motionless and let him strip it away. When he sank to his knees in front of her, she looped her arms around his neck and cuddled him close as he kissed her belly. ”I miss the taste of you,” he said on a sigh. ”I should have kissed you, really kissed you, before you walked away from me.”

He shot her a dark look and added, ”But I'm coming back, Taige, and when I do, we're making up for some lost time.”

That arrogant, confident tone grated against her pride, and she wanted to sneer at him.

Instead, she found herself sinking down so that she straddled his hips. She wanted to laugh at him, wanted to do something to hurt him like he'd hurt her. Knowing that he shared these dreams made her want to do that very badly: inflict some measure of hurt on him. But instead of doing that, she found herself leaning into him and kissing him, watching him from under her lashes.

He cupped her b.u.t.t in his hands, and the feel of his rough, callused palms on her flesh was a sweet sensation. Almost as sweet as the one of his bare chest pressed against hers when Cullen finally pulled his s.h.i.+rt off and pressed their torsos together. ”If you make love on the beach in a dream,” he murmured as he rolled forward and urged her to her back in the hot sand. ”Wil the sand bother you?”

Taige laid a hand against his cheek. ”Cullen, just touch me. I need that. I don't need talking or apologies or jokes.”

Turning his head into her palm, he kissed her. She felt the rough growth of stubble under her palm as he asked, ”And if I need it? I need to see you smile at me again. I need to hear you laugh. You never laugh enough.”

Staring into his eyes, she slid her hands down his chest and freed the b.u.t.ton of his jeans, dragged down his zipper. Then she slid her hand inside his pants and closed her fingers around his swollen flesh, dragging them up, then down-just once. ”I need you inside me. I don't need to laugh.”

She stroked him again, and Cullen groaned, reaching down and gently tugging her hand away before pus.h.i.+ng to his knees so he could shove his jeans and underwear out of the way. He came into her, hard and full, stretching her. For a minute, Taige almost felt complete. But this, even if he shared the dream with her, wasn't real, and nothing but the love he'd taken from her was going to make her whole again.

Tears burned her eyes while she stared up at him. ”Don't cry,” Cullen muttered, dipping his head so he could press a kiss to one eye then the other. He shoved back onto his knees and slid his hands down her thighs, over her calves, until he could grasp her ankles.

He pushed her legs wide, draping her knees over his shoulders as he leaned against her.

”Please don't cry.”

He kissed her tears away and rocked slowly against her, raining soft, gentle kisses on her face and murmuring to her. His voice was gentle, the words the romantic, heart-stopping things that a woman loved to hear as a man made love to her.

”You're so beautiful.

”I love you so much.

”Kiss me . . . d.a.m.n it, I've missed you . . .”

It seemed like each word was a knife in her heart, and there was a part of her that was filled with hate. Directed at herself for being so weak, directed at him for the power he had over her. But the other part, the much larger part, was melting. Melting under the warmth of his hands on her, the sweet, seductive way he kept whispering in her ear.

Rough fingers trailed gently up along the line of her thigh, and he s.h.i.+fted his weight, sliding his hand between them.

When he circled his roughened fingers around her c.l.i.t, it felt like he'd somehow changed her blood to liquid lightning. It exploded through her, and she screamed.

Instinctively, she tried to move against him, but the way he held her-her knees hooked over his shoulders, one big hand palming her a.s.s and holding her tight against him, and his upper body crus.h.i.+ng hers into the sand-she couldn't move. ”Come for me, Taige,”

he murmured, his voice a rough whisper in her ear.

She had no choice, not when Cullen continued to stroke her like that, not when he continued to shaft her with slow, surging strokes that took his c.o.c.k deep inside her body.

Her hands tightened on his shoulders, nails digging into his flesh, as the climax slammed into her with the force of a category-five hurricane. Her vision went dark, and the roar of her blood pounding in her ears al but drowned out the sound of Cul en shouting her name.

Inside, she felt the rhythmic jerking of his c.o.c.k and then the hot wash of his s.e.m.e.n as he came. His back arched as he pressed deep, and for a moment, he remained just like that, unmoving, the power of the moment holding them both suspended.

Time slowed down, the moment crystallized, and for a few brief seconds, she felt happy. Almost at peace.

But then thought intruded, memory returned, and she wasn't making love with him on a beach, she was only dreaming about it, and when she woke, she'd be alone again.