Part 11 (1/2)
”Carmen,” she said sadly, ”judging from what you say, you have in your heart completely cut yourself off from the Lord's mercy and our faith, and therefore it is better that things should be as they are, for you must not play the hypocrite--anything is preferable to that. You would destroy yourself and be of no benefit to us.” She laid her hand gently on Carmen's head, and added: ”Go now, dear Sister, and tread the new path you have chosen for yourself; and Heaven grant it may not lead to misery! If, however, happiness deserts you, and your heart yearns after us, like the thirsty wayfarer in the desert, then return to the people of the Lord, that we may help you to return to Him.”
She tenderly kissed the maiden's brow, pressed her to her bosom again and again, and let her go. She followed Carmen's lovely form with her eyes as she pa.s.sed through the doorway and left the room; then, folding her hands in prayer, she said: ”Lord, forgive the child. A soul which was entrusted to me by Thee, which I knew not how to guide aright, has been taken from me. If she goes astray, let mine be the blame, for it was my fault; but if she seeks Thee in another path of life, then give her Thy peace. Ah, how much I have still to correct in myself! Yet I would fain do my utmost for the souls Thou hast committed to my charge.
I praise Thee, and would not think of my trials, if only I am counted worthy to suffer for Thy sake.”
So Carmen was freed from the fetters she had unwillingly worn for so long. Alexander had arranged with her and her father that she should go to his mother at Wollmershain; but the separation from her father was a severe trial to her loving heart. Fate had scarcely united them, and already they must part and, knowing what misery it was to the old man, it seemed almost more than she could bear. And yet it must be.
She promised to visit her father twice every week, and would be quick and diligent in her home duties, so as to make her visits longer.
The days were now very lonely without the bright, cheerful presence of his daughter; and when winter came, his own dwelling was ready to be occupied, but all the zest and pleasure of moving into his new abode seemed to have vanished. He took Sister Ursula, an aged widow, as his servant and housekeeper. How he loved to sit by the window in his room, from whence he could look out on the hill where the cemetery was laid out! ”The Brothers will soon carry me along that path,” he thought, ”and it will be well for me when the time comes. I have always longed to be laid away in our own G.o.d's-acre, among the Sisters and Brothers, and enter with them into the joy of our Lord.”
He now had also the happiness of having Carmen with him for several days at a time. The house seemed illuminated by her presence, her room was close to his, and there she had plants which he took care of for her. There was also a snug little corner where they pa.s.sed many happy hours together. But with the knowledge of the fearful secret which overshadowed her father's life a deeper gravity had come to her, which subdued her otherwise exuberant and joyous temperament; and Alexander often asked if it was the love she felt for him which had thus checked her former cheerfulness. And this shadow did not pa.s.s away when, shortly after Christmas, her wedding was celebrated, and Mauer informed her that he had divided the fortune left him by Inez from his own property, in order to make it over to her daughter, to whom it by right belonged. So the young couple remained at Wollmershain, after Alexander had sold his commission and left the army; and Mauer was happy in the a.s.surance that his daughter would always be near him.
CHAPTER XI.
On a bleak November day, when all nature wore its most dreary aspect, the carriage of Herr von Trautenau, now well known in the village, drew up before Brother Mauer's door. The horses had scarcely stopped, when the door opened and Alexander sprang out, followed by Carmen, whose face bore traces of recent tears.
”Be brave, dear heart!” he said.
”I have you and our darling boy left,” she answered with emotion; and turning back to the carriage, took a little child from the nurse's arms. She kissed him fondly, and the little fellow clapped his hands and crowed merrily at his mother as she held him in her arms. Then from beneath the flaxen ringlets which covered the infantile head a pair of large black eyes looked around with wonder at the strange place and the dark figure, with the white cap, that stood in the doorway.
Carmen was surprised to see Sister Agatha.
”Have I come too late?” she asked in a tone of anguish.
”No, dear Carmen, he still lives,” said the faithful nurse, soothingly.
”But he is failing rapidly since the attack this morning. He has been so weak of late that we have felt prepared for the end to come at any time. He has been asking anxiously for you since consciousness has returned, and Sister Ursula sent at once for me, that I might be with him while she went for another doctor, as Brother Jonathan has just been summoned to the country to visit the miller.”
”How good you are, dear Sister Agatha!” said Carmen, pressing her hand affectionately.
They had now entered the house, and Alexander remained in an adjoining room, while Carmen went at once to her father. The bed had been drawn close to the window to give him more air, and he was now resting quietly, as if asleep, his hands crossed on his breast, and the shadow of death on his brow. Carmen was greatly shocked at the change.
”My darling father, I am here with you; do you know me, your own Carmen?” she asked, kneeling by the couch.
At the sound of her voice, he opened his eyes, and a faint, happy smile broke over his stiffening features.
”My child--are you here? Now I am ready to go.”
”Father, let us hope G.o.d will spare you to us!”
”No, my precious child, let us hope He will, at last, set me free; for I long, oh so earnestly! to be at rest. Carmen, a guilty conscience is a scorpion which never ceases to torment, and deals a death-blow to all peace and happiness; therefore keep your heart pure, my darling, and ever have G.o.d's commandments before your mind, so as to avoid sinning against them. Let me persuade you to come back into the bosom of our faith, and draw your husband with you. He could enter the Brotherhood, even though he lived elsewhere. Oh, ensure the safety of your soul, under the shelter of our holy religion, so that your life be not poisoned with remorse, as mine has been!”
She kissed her father's hand with love and reverence; then raising her head, looked in his eyes, which rested on her so anxiously. ”Father I promise you I will remain faithful to my G.o.d, and endeavor to keep His laws.”
Mauer sank back on his pillows. ”Brother Jonathan,” he whispered, after a pause, ”has kept my fearful secret; and even though he always involuntarily reminds me of it, he has maintained his friends.h.i.+p and brotherly love for me until now; but he has never allowed me to forget that my wealth must go to the community, as an atonement for my crime; so I have specified in my will that, in expiation of a great sin, I have left all my money to the commonwealth of the Brotherhood and their missions: thus, in benefiting all, to make amends for sinning against one.”
Carmen silently kissed his pale lips; then, rising, went into the next room and brought back with her Alexander and the child. They kneeled beside the dying man, and Carmen asked with tears ”Father, bless your children!”
”Do you value the blessing of such as I?” he said humbly.