Part 2 (1/2)

I mouthed, ”Who's he?” to Olivia. She shrugged.

The kid's knee b.u.mped me in the back of the head.

”Hey!” I said, turning around to squinch my face at him. He had short sandy blond hair and wire-rimmed gla.s.ses that looked kind of cool and ungeeky. And he was wearing a black T-s.h.i.+rt with Oscar the Grouch peeking out of a garbage can. Go figure. I never get the s.h.i.+rts guys wear.

”Sorry. My bad. I, um, it's my second day here. I was at East, then we moved, like, 1.4 miles, and they transferred me to West.”

”Interesting,” I said. ”Not!” I mouthed to Olivia, and she started giggling.

”Hey, I mean, aren't you in my Earth Science cla.s.s?” he asked.

”Me? No,” said Olivia, shaking her head.

He was looking at me. ”I don't know. Am I?” I said.

”Yeah. With that guy. What's his name? Mr. Petri Dish.”

Olivia and I couldn't help laughing a little. ”Mr. Petry. Minus the dish. Um, word of advice? You better not let him hear you calling him that, or you'll be staying after to wash all his Petri dishes till they sparkle.”

Ms. Carter-Dunne leaned forward from her seat at the end of the row and put a finger to her lips to shush us.

The a.s.sistant princ.i.p.al was yammering on about something. I'm not into being a rowdy sixth grader, but I am into telling Olivia the whole story about the storm and the power outage and the Sisters Club with the you-know-what in the fire and hoping my hair would not turn green.

”Speaking of green,” I said, ”did I mention I have a new roommate? Joey adopted a frog. After the storm. She doesn't know I know.”

”Wait,” said Olivia, ”so now you have a frog living in your room? For real?”

”Frog? Who lives with a frog?” Wire Rims asked Olivia.

”Don't you know it's rude to listen in on other people's conversations?” Olivia said.

”Sorry. Couldn't help overhearing.”

She turned back to me. ”Where were we? Oh, yeah. You were burning a troll doll and wis.h.i.+ng for stuff and -”

Ms. Carter-Dunne glared at us.

”Shh! Stop saying troll doll,” I warned, making fierce eyes at Olivia.

”Did you guys say Roald Dahl? Is that who the author is? For real?”

”Yeah, that's who it is. Except for one teeny-weeny detail. Roald Dahl is dead!” Olivia told him.

”Too bad,” I joked. ”I love his book James and the Giant Eavesdropper.” Olivia and I cracked up.

Just then, the princ.i.p.al came out and tapped on the microphone. He cleared his throat and the room settled down to a dull roar. Behind him stood a guy with greased-back hair, wearing a black-and-white suit.

”Boys and girls,” the princ.i.p.al started, and Olivia whispered, ”Uh-oh, bad news.” Whenever the princ.i.p.al starts out with ”Boys and girls,” it's bad news.

”I know you've all been looking forward to Author Day (we have?) and you've been preparing for this day in your cla.s.ses (huh?) but I'm sorry to have to announce that our author is . . . has a bad case of . . . stomach flu -”

Wire Rims whispered, ”Stomach flu, huh? That's code talk for you-know-what. Hey, maybe he's the author of The Princess Diarrheas. Or The Diarrhea of Anne Frank.”

”That is so not funny,” Olivia told him, but we couldn't help laughing a little.

”Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid,” he said, trying too hard to get us to crack up some more. I glanced over at Ms. Carter-Dunne, but luckily she was giving the evil eye to Ben Cheng.

”But the good news is that we had an a.s.sembly scheduled for the primary cla.s.ses and our speaker has agreed to stay to address the sixth and seventh graders. Let me introduce the Nutrition Magician!” Collective crowd groan.

”Nutrition Magician?” Wire Rims leaned in and said to Olivia, ”Suddenly, the dead author's not looking so bad, am I right?”

”Shh! Don't you know how to whisper?” Olivia nodded toward the teacher.

The Nutrition Magician pulled a zucchini out of a black top hat. n.o.body laughed. Before you could say ”Food Pyramid,” he started juggling the major food groups - two eggplants, an orange, a carton of milk, and a rolling pin.

Just then, I felt a knee in the back of my head again. ”Hey! You're pulling my hair! Ouch!”

He said, ”Sorry,” but he was clearly grinning.

”You don't look sorry,” said Olivia. She was grinning too.

The Nutrition Magician dropped the rolling pin by mistake. The audience erupted in laughter.

”So, you're in her Earth Science cla.s.s?” Olivia asked Wire Rims. ”What's your name, again?”

”Owen. Owen O'Malley. But my friends call me Owen.” He smacked his hand on his forehead like he didn't mean to say that.

”Really? Strange. My name's Stevie but my friends call me Stevie.” I couldn't help grinning.

When the a.s.sembly was over, we got the nods from our teachers that it was time to go back to cla.s.s.

”Finally. I've never heard so many questions about broccoli,” Olivia said.

”That's because n.o.body wants to go back to cla.s.s.” Including me. The a.s.sembly had been kind of fun. Missing Health cla.s.s, I mean. And talking to Livvie the whole time.

As we filed past Ms. Carter-Dunne, I smiled. She did not smile back. She frowned and pointed to Olivia, me, and Wire Rims. ”You, you, and you. Wait for me out in the hall. Now.”

SEALED WITH A KISS.

Starring Alex Sisters Stevie and Joey enter room, interrupting my perfect scene.

Me: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?