Part 26 (2/2)
How is it, that of two men, working in the same field or in the same shop, one is merry as a lark,--always cheerful, well-clad, and as clean as his work will allow him to be,--comes out on Sunday mornings in his best suit, to go to church with his family,--is never without a penny in his purse, and has something besides in the savings bank,--is a reader of books and a subscriber to a newspaper, besides taking in some literary journal for family reading; whilst the other man, with equal or even superior weekly wages, comes to work in the mornings sour and sad,--is always full of grumbling,--is badly clad and badly shod,--is never seen out of his house on Sundays till about midday, when he appears in his s.h.i.+rt-sleeves, his face unwashed, his hair unkempt, his eyes bleared and bloodshot,--his children left to run about the gutters, with no one apparently to care for them,--is always at his last coin, except on Sat.u.r.day night, and then he has a long score of borrowings to repay,--belongs to no club, has nothing saved, but lives literally from hand to mouth,--reads none, thinks none, but only toils, eats, drinks, and sleeps;--why is it that there is so remarkable a difference between these two men?
Simply for this reason,--that the one has the intelligence and the art to extract joy and happiness from life,--to be happy himself, and to make those about him happy; whereas the other has not cultivated his intelligence, and knows nothing whatever of the art of either making himself or his family happy. With the one, life is a scene of loving, helping, and sympathizing,--of carefulness, forethought, and calculation--of reflection, action, and duty;--with the other, it is only a rough scramble for meat and drink; duty is not thought of, reflection is banished, prudent forethought is never for a moment entertained.
But look to the result; the former is respected by his fellow-workmen and beloved by his family,--he is an example of well-being and well-doing to all who are within reach of his influence; whereas the other is as unreflective and miserable, as nature will allow him to be,--he is shunned by good men,--his family are afraid at the sound of his footsteps, his wife perhaps trembling at his approach,--he dies without leaving any regrets behind him, except, it may be, on the part of his family, who are left to be maintained by the charity of the public, or by the pittance doled out by the overseers.
For these reasons, it is worth every man's while to study the important Art of living happily. Even the poorest man may by this means extract an increased amount of joy and blessing from life. The world need not be ”a vale of tears,” unless we ourselves will it to be so. We have the command, to a great extent, over our own lot. At all events, our mind is our own possession; we can cherish happy thoughts there; we can regulate and control our tempers and dispositions to a considerable extent; we can educate ourselves, and bring out the better part of our nature, which in most men is allowed to sleep a deep sleep; we can read good books, cherish pure thoughts, and lead lives of peace, temperance, and virtue, so as to secure the respect of good men, and transmit the blessing of a faithful example to our successors.
The Art of Living is best exhibited in the Home. The first condition of a happy home, where good influences prevail over bad ones, is Comfort.
Where there are carking cares, querulousness, untidiness, slovenliness, and dirt, there can be little comfort either for man or woman. The husband who has been working all day, expects to have something as a compensation for his toil. The least that his wife can do for him, is to make his house snug, clean, and tidy, against his home-coming at eve.
That is the truest economy--the best housekeeping--the worthiest domestic management--which makes the home so pleasant and agreeable, that a man feels when approaching it, that he is about to enter a sanctuary; and that, when there, there is no alehouse attraction that can draw him away from it.
Some say that we wors.h.i.+p Comfort too much. The word is essentially English, and is said to be untranslateable, in its full meaning, into any foreign language. It is intimately connected with the Fireside. In warmer climes, people contrive to live out of doors. They sun themselves in the streets. Half their life is in public. The genial air woos them forth, and keeps them abroad. They enter their houses merely to eat and sleep. They can scarcely be said to _live_ there.
How different is it with us! The raw air without, during so many months of the year, drives us within doors. Hence we cultivate all manner of home pleasures. Hence the host of delightful a.s.sociations which rise up in the mind at the mention of the word Home. Hence our household G.o.d, Comfort.
We are not satisfied merely with a home. It must be comfortable. The most wretched, indeed, are those who have no homes--the homeless! But not less wretched are those whose homes are without comfort--those of whom Charles Lamb once said, ”The homes of the very poor are no homes.”
It is Comfort, then, that is the soul of the home--its essential principle--its vital element.
Comfort does not mean merely warmth, good furniture, good eating and drinking. It means something higher than this. It means cleanliness, pure air, order, frugality,--in a word, house-thrift and domestic government. Comfort is the soil in which the human being grows,--not only physically, but morally. Comfort lies, indeed, at the root of many virtues.
Wealth is not necessary for comfort. Luxury requires wealth, but not comfort. A poor man's home, moderately supplied with the necessaries of life, presided over by a cleanly, frugal housewife, may contain all the elements of comfortable living. Comfortlessness is for the most part caused, not so much by the absence of sufficient means, as by the absence of the requisite knowledge of domestic management.
Comfort, it must be admitted, is in a great measure _relative_. What is comfort to one man, would be misery to another. Even the commonest mechanic of this day would consider it miserable to live after the style of the n.o.bles a few centuries ago; to sleep on straw beds, and live in rooms littered with rushes. William the Conqueror had neither a s.h.i.+rt to his back, nor a pane of gla.s.s to his windows. Queen Elizabeth was one of the first to wear silk stockings. The Queens before her were stockingless.
Comfort depends as much on persons as on ”things.” It is out of the character and temper of those who govern homes, that the feeling of comfort arises, much more than out of handsome furniture, heated rooms, or household luxuries and conveniences.
Comfortable people are kindly-tempered. Good temper may be set down as an invariable condition of comfort. There must be peace, mutual forbearance, mutual help, and a disposition to make the best of everything. ”Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”
Comfortable people are persons of common sense, discretion, prudence, and economy. They have a natural affinity for honesty and justice, goodness and truth. They do not run into debt,--for that is a species of dishonesty. They live within their means, and lay by something for a rainy day. They provide for the things of their own household,--yet they are not wanting in hospitality and benevolence on fitting occasions. And what they do, is done without ostentation.
Comfortable people do everything in order. They are systematic, steady, sober, industrious. They dress comfortably. They adapt themselves to the season,--neither s.h.i.+vering in winter, nor perspiring in summer. They do not toil after a ”fas.h.i.+onable appearance.” They expend more on warm stockings than on gold rings; and prefer healthy, good bedding, to gaudy window-curtains. Their chairs are solid, not gimcrack. They will bear sitting upon, though they may not be ornamental.
The organization of the home depends for the most part upon woman. She is necessarily the manager of every family and household. How much, therefore, must depend upon her intelligent co-operation! Man's life revolves round woman. She is the sun of his social system. She is the queen of domestic life. The comfort of every home mainly depends upon her,--upon her character, her temper, her power of organization, and her business management. A man may be economical; but unless there be economy at home, his frugality will be comparatively useless. ”A man cannot thrive,” the proverb says, ”unless his wife let him.”
House-thrift is homely, but beneficent. Though unseen of the world, it makes many people happy. It works upon individuals; and by elevating them, it elevates society itself. It is in fact a receipt of infallible efficacy, for conferring the greatest possible happiness upon the greatest possible number. Without it legislation, benevolence, and philanthropy are mere palliatives, sometimes worse than useless, because they hold out hopes which are for the most part disappointed.
How happy does a man go forth to his labour or his business, and how doubly happy does he return from it, when he knows that his means are carefully husbanded and wisely applied by a judicious and well-managing wife. Such a woman is not only a power in her own house, but her example goes forth amongst her neighbours, and she stands before them as a model and a pattern. The habits of her children are formed after her habits: her actual life becomes the model after which they unconsciously mould themselves; for example always speaks more eloquently than words: it is instruction in action--wisdom at work.
First amongst woman's qualities is the intelligent use of her hands and fingers. Every one knows how useful, how indispensable to the comfort of a household, is the tidy, managing, handy woman. Pestalozzi, with his usual sagacity, has observed, that half the education of a woman comes through her fingers. There are wisdom and virtue at her finger-ends. But intellect must also accompany thrift: they must go hand in hand. A woman must not only be clever with her fingers, but possessed of the power of organizing household work.
There must be Method. The late Sir Arthur Helps observed, that ”as women are at present educated, they are for the most part thoroughly deficient in _method_. But this surely might be remedied by training. To take a very humble and simple instance. Why is it that a man-cook is always better than a woman-cook? Simply because a man is more methodical in his arrangements, and relies more upon his weights and measures. An eminent physician told me that he thought women were absolutely deficient in the appreciation of time. But this I hold to be merely one instance of their general want of accuracy, for which there are easy remedies: that is, easy if begun early enough.”
Accordingly, to manage a household efficiently, there must be Method.
Without this, work cannot be got through satisfactorily either in offices, workshops, or households. By arranging work properly, by doing everything at the right time, with a view to the economy of labour, a large amount of business can be accomplished. Muddle flies before method; and hugger-mugger disappears. There is also a method in spending--in laying out money,--which is as valuable to the housewife, as method is in accomplis.h.i.+ng her work. Money slips through the fingers of some people like quicksilver. We have already seen that many men are spendthrifts. But many women are the same. At least they do not know how to expend their husband's earnings to the best advantage. You observe things very much out of place--frills and ruffles and ill-darned stockings--fine bonnets and clouted shoes--silk gowns and dirty petticoats; while the husband goes about ragged and torn, with scarcely a clean thing about him.
Industry is of course essential. This is the soul of business; but, without method, industry will be less productive. Industry may sometimes look like confusion. But the methodical and industrious woman gets through her work in a quiet, steady style,--without fuss, or noise, or dust-clouds.
Prudence is another important household qualification. Prudence comes from cultivated judgment: it means practical wisdom. It has reference to fitness, to propriety; it judges of the right thing to be done, and of the right way of doing it. It calculates the means, order, time, and method of doing. Prudence learns much from experience, quickened by knowledge.
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