Part 14 (1/2)
”Maybe I can see him,” Joe said. ”He's here somewhere in this hospital, right?”
”Yes. But I don't know if that's a great idea right now in your condition-or his,” she said.
”Still,” he said.
”You chanted my name?” she said, changing the subject.
”It was my mantra. You and the girls. I said your names over and over again to myself. Like this: 'Marybeth-Sheridan-Lucy-April.' 'Marybeth-Sheridan-Lucy-April.' ” ”
”I'm touched,” she said, but he knew from her furrowed brow she was holding something back.
”What?” he asked.
”Joe, I've got to ask you, is something wrong? You seem different somehow. I'm more than a little worried about you.”
”In what way?”
She rose, took his right hand, and squeezed it with both of hers. ”This thing you went through with those brothers. It seems to have affected you very deeply. Are you sure you're okay?”
”I'm fine.”
She breathed deeply and looked longingly into his eyes. ”Not really,” she said.
”I'm fine.”
Said Marybeth, ”The girls noticed it. They asked me if you were going to be all right. Sheridan especially said she thought there was something different about you.”
He waved it off. ”Look, I'm hurting. I have holes all over me. I've been through quite an experience and I'm trying to sort it all out. I hate it that my daughters-and you-are saying these things.”
”Is it because they hurt you, those brothers?”
”I've been hurt before.”
”Then what?” Marybeth kneaded his hand and pursed her lips.
Finally, he said, ”I guess I feel like I left a piece of me up there on that mountain. I don't feel completely whole.”
”You'll heal up.”
”It's not that.”
”Then what?”
Joe shook his head. ”I'm still sorting it out. I feel like I missed something obvious. Something right in front of my eyes. But for the life of me, I can't figure out what it was. I feel like I asked them all the wrong questions, and I couldn't see what was in front of my eyes. Not that I can see it now, either. But those brothers-they beat me at every turn. They were faster, smarter, and meaner. I was outgunned and outmuscled.”
Marybeth frowned at him. ”Don't say that.”
”It's true. Plus it doesn't help that McLanahan and the sheriff in Baggs think I made it all up.”
”McLanahan's an idiot.”
”There was a DCI agent here today,” Joe said. ”Or someone claiming to be a DCI agent. He asked some pretty strange questions, and I felt he was trying to trip me up for some reason. And no one seems to have ever heard of this guy before.”
”That's odd,” she said.
”To be honest, I heard some doubt in the governor's voice, too.”
”Joe,” she said, ”Rulon's a lot of things, but he's still a politician.”
He shrugged and winced.
”What did my mother say to you today? When the two of you were alone?”
Joe sighed. ”She said it was time I put away childish things. Like my job.”
Marybeth's eyes flared. ”I knew it. I just knew she'd use this opportunity to try and get under your skin.”
Joe said, ”I'm wondering if she wasn't right.”
”That's ridiculous. Why do you listen to her? I don't.”
He tried to shrug, but his right shoulder screamed at him. ”Ow,” he moaned.
”Don't do that. Are you in pain? Do you want me to call a nurse?”
He shook his head no.
”Joe,” she said. ”You're tired. You need some sleep. We can talk about all of this tomorrow.”
He said, ”How are we affording the motel? How much are you paying per night?”
”Don't worry about that. We can afford it.”
”But . . .”
”I said not to worry about it, Joe,” she said with authority. ”You need to rest and not worry about things. You'll be back at home in no time, rested and healed.”
He nodded. ”Yup.” He told her about being placed on administrative leave.
”And pay no attention to my mother. I can guess what she said because I know her. Joe-” Marybeth released his hand and brushed her fingers across his lips. ”You are the man I married. I knew what I was signing on for. I've never been resentful or angry with what you do for a living, and I know you're not the kind of man who could give that up. You do what you do because you're hardwired for it. You get yourself into situations because you have a certain set of standards that are simply beyond her. So pay no attention to her. She's crazy and without scruples. She doesn't understand me, or us. So just put her out of your mind. I thought you'd done that years ago.”
”I thought I had, too,” he said. ”But she got to me because I was thinking along the same lines.”
”Only because you're in a hospital bed and you're confused by what McLanahan told you,” Marybeth said. ”You'll think differently when you're recovered.”