Chapter 7 (1/2)

It seems I will end up pa.s.sing out any minute now.

My heart beats with a *doki doki* like an alarm bell. My head is dizzy with an over excessive amount of nervousness.

『I don't want to hold a slender and frail woman like you.』

『Are you even human?』

『I don't want to look at a woman with such inflated b.r.e.a.s.t.s.』

『Disgusting.』『Die.』『Go away.』

『It would have been better if you weren't born.』『You should not have been born.』

I had a flashback of some of the words that were said to me in the past.

But some part of my lowly, shameful self had some expectations.

I also had expectations in the past.

I had saved up enough money to build a palace in the imperial capital and went to a brothel while my heart beat quickly.

At least we had thought to wash ourselves thoroughly in order to not seem like a dirty woman…but when we got there all we received were looks of pure, intense disgust.

But we wanted to learn more about a man and so we tried to pay with the money we were grasping tightly.

However, everywhere we went as soon as they saw my face they would reject my money.

『Please go home.』

I tried to restrain the other person while pleading that I would pay any amount of money.

They shook their heads in refusal when we entered the brothel and they said that no male prost.i.tute would be willing to keep us company.

On the contrary, whenever they would look at us when we undressed it would cause them to vomit.

Even though it was just the beginning…it was just the beginning but we had already been to a variety of stores.

But it was useless.

There is even a store where we are prohibited from going in and out of.

I spent everyday with a look of despair as I had delusions of a happiness I could never reach.

I curse this body many times over.

These slender and long limbs, this lanky body is all making me miserable. 2

In my delusions I would hold hands with a man.

And then only in my delusion would my lover comfort my hot body.

But since I don't know a man's warmth I can't be satisfied.

After I finished masturbating I would cry to myself quietly until I fell asleep.

But perhaps what I want isn't too far out of reach.

I try to take advantage of his kindness.

That's why I put on an appearance like I would apply a curse to someone.

But, even so… despite that, for once I would like to be loved by a man.

「E-to」

I am surprised by such a sudden development.

Somehow it seems my actions have differed from the novel's protagonist once again.

「Tsu-!」

Nina looks in my direction with eyes that shake with anxiety.

It's the first time I've had a woman look at me with a feverish gaze.

But I think we may be skipping a couple steps here.

「P-Please! Somehow, please…」

Still she was serious.

Nina thought I would come to hate her any second now so tears started to acc.u.mulate in her eyes.

I looked at the desperate Nina and my slow wits finally realized.

I already know her.

But then she was saved from that sorrow when she met the protagonist.

I didn't properly take her feelings into consideration.

”…Stop s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around.”

I wanted to hit myself who was only trying to follow the actions of the protagonist.

This girl who sincerely wanted to know about me was unbearably lovely.

「Nina.」