Volume I Part 8 (1/2)
”And what the better shall I be of that?--dead men make no porridge hot,” simply retorted Dan.
”Go to,” replied the other; ”it's but setting Maude on the scent--I warrant thee, she'll sharpen her wits for the work. It will be a grievous pity should he depart, and whisper not his message to her ladys.h.i.+p. Maude's thin ears, as thou knowest, can catch a whisper, and thou wilt soon squeeze the secret out of her; then comes Darby's turn--by to-morrow, at the latest.”
The news-doting artisan rubbed his dark fists with ecstacy. ”Go, knave,”
said he; ”thou art a teasing little varlet.”
Here Grim seemed ready to hug his comrade in the extremity of his delight; but Dan was rather sullen, evidently ruminating on peril and mischance, wherein the tempter had no share, though partic.i.p.ating in the profits of the adventure. Eventually, the stranger was placed under the patronage of Daniel Hardseg, who, to do him justice, was well affected towards the enterprise he had undertaken.
Pa.s.sing by a low wall to the north-east of the mansion, they were soon hidden by a projecting terrace or platform, which, in cases of siege, could be converted into a sort of breastwork to cover the sallies of the besieged. At the salient angle of this curtain stood a small postern, to which Dan applied a heavy key, and beckoning to his companion, they ascended a narrow staircase. A succession of dark pa.s.sages led to the great hall, from which a small arched doorway communicated by a private entrance to the chapel. As they pa.s.sed the half-closed door, a gruff voice was heard reciting the appointed service for the day. Dan slept cautiously by, and motioned the stranger to tread softly. The latter paused, listening with a look of anxiety, and pressed his staff across his bosom;--soon, drawing his hood closer over his brow, he quickly followed the retreating footsteps of his companion.
”Praised be old Cliderhow's tough pipe!” said Dan, when fairly out of hearing. ”Ha, ha!--sit down, sit down, good father,” opening a half-door, as he laughed, and thrusting in the pilgrim; ”n.o.body can hear aught besides, when he's fairly agoing.”
The apartment into which this unceremonious conductor ushered his guest was Dan's store-room.
A most whimsical a.s.semblage of materials were here huddled together.
Pans, wooden bowls, and matters of meaner import, entered into close familiarity with broadswords and helmets; boots of home manufacture in their primitive clothing; saddles with their housings; knives, and brown bottles of coa.r.s.e pottery, were intermingled with many a grim-looking weapon of bloodthirsty aspect. From the walls depended a heterogeneous ma.s.s of apparel--cloaks, hats, and body-gear of unimaginable shape and appearance. Dan was steward of the wardrobe, or furniture-keeper to most of the retainers and other idle appendages to the hall; and as, in those days, the sciences dependent on order and cla.s.sification had not spread their beneficial influence through society at large, it frequently happened that more time was consumed in rummaging amidst this unexplored chaos than would have sufficed to transact the whole affair for which any article was required. A round stool in the middle of this ”_Thesaurus”_--the only unoccupied place except the ceiling--was the throne of our friend, Dan Hardseg, when dispensing out his treasures with stately munificence;--on this scanty perch was the stranger duly installed, and favoured with a benignant and knowing wink from Dan as he departed.
Waiting for the return of his patron, the pilgrim was roused from a fit of reverie by the well-remembered greeting of the jester, Humphry Lathom, or ”Daft Humpy,” as he was mostly called.
”Eh, nuncle! But if Dan catch thee, he'll be sure to give thee a lift i'
the stocks.”
This strange creature cautiously opened the door, and was speedily engulfed in all that fearful acc.u.mulation of sloth and disorder. By his manner, it did not seem to be his first irruption into this vast magazine; whilst, from the cautious and fearful glances he from time to time cast through the door, it would appear that he had been detected in his expeditions, and in all probability punished for the offence. He was evidently in search of some object from amidst the various heaps of lumber he overthrew; an inarticulate mutter, accompanying every fresh attack, indicated impatience and disappointment. Suddenly he exclaimed, drawing forth a large roll, with ludicrous expressions of delight--
”I have thee, now! The buck's horns shall soon b.u.t.t this great Welsh goat from his pen.”
He opened the banner. It was the pennon of the Bradshaigh, thrown aside to rot in dust and decay.
”Don't tell Dan, nuncle, and thou shall see rare sport.”
He said this with his usual familiarity of tone; but suddenly putting his mouth to the stranger's ear, he whispered. The words were inaudible, save to him for whom they were meant; and in an instant he darted from the spot, concealing the spoil amidst the folds of his apparel. Shortly afterwards Dan made his appearance. With wonder and dismay did he behold the ravages committed in his treasure-house--”confusion worse confounded.”
”Beshrew me, but thou art a restless tenant. I did not tell thee to tumble my wardrobe into hayc.o.c.ks.”
”I was long a-watching,” said the pilgrim; ”and, in good troth, I became over curious to know the capacity of thy sty. What tidings from my lady's chamber?”
”A plague on her husband's humours! Maude says it were as much as a Jew's thumb were worth to get thee privily to an audience, but she hath urged my lady to distribute the alms herself to-day; so betake thee to the kitchen; Maude will contrive thou shalt have some token of approach.
St Anthony! but thou hast bestirred thee bravely; such another guest, and I might as well set fire to the whole budget. If thou be'st bent on such another rummage in the kitchen, the cook will whack thy pate with the spit, holy and hooded though it be.”
Dan led the way to this arena of gigantic gastronomy. It was a vast and smoky den, such as could only exist in those days of feudal magnificence. An immense furnace was fed by huge blocks of wood, which the ravening flame seized and in a moment enveloped in its embrace.
Forms, grisly and indistinct, flitted past this devouring blaze, by the sputtering and crackling of which, mingled with the hissing delicacies before it, and the shrill scream of the presiding fury, a stranger might be warned of his approach to this pandemonium some time ere its wonders were visible. The pilgrim seated himself in an accessible corner, anxiously awaiting the promised signal.
On a long stone bench lay heaps of broken meat, ready for distribution to the groups of mendicants who were now clamouring without the gate.
From the low and ponderous rafters hung dried mutton, bacon, and deer's tongues, wreathed in curls of smoke, that might seem to render an introduction to the chimney unnecessary for completing their flavour.
It was not long ere a pert waiting-maid approached. She drew up her short linsey-woolsey garments from the contaminations beneath her feet.
Raising her chin, she thus addressed the servitors:--