Part 5 (2/2)

'In the Heart of the Heart, which is to say inside the Circular Sea, where the Lake of Wisdom is bathed in the Eternal Dawn,' said Soraya, 'things are very different. There are none of these moronic sleepwalking sacked G.o.ds in there. That is the Country of the Aalim the Three Jos who watch over the whole of Time. They are the Ultimate Guardians of the Fire, and they don't miss a thing.'

'The Three Jos?' asked Luka.

'Jo-Hua, Jo-Hai and Jo-Aiga,' Soraya answered, and she was whispering now. 'What Was, What Is and What Will Come. The Past, the Present and the Future. The Possessors of All Knowledge. The Aalim: the Trinity of Time.'

The golden onion domes were right below them now, but Luka was thinking only of the Fire of Life. 'So how do we get past the Jos, then?' he whispered back to Soraya, and she spread her arms with a shrug and a rueful smile. 'You knew from the start,' she said, 'that no one has ever done it. But there's somebody who usually skulks around here, who may be able to help us. He usually lies pretty low, but this is the best place to find him. When the Beauties battle, he likes to watch.'

She landed the flying carpet behind a spreading thicket of rhododendrons, large enough to conceal the Argo Argo. 'Few magical creatures ever approach a rhododendron,' she told Luka, 'because they believe them to be poisonous. If there were any Yetis in the neighbourhood they would devour them, of course, but this is not Abominable Snowman country, and so the Argo Argo will be safe enough here for a while.' Then she folded up the carpet, put it in her pocket, and marched towards the onion-domed building. The four Changers shape-s.h.i.+fted into metal sows, and, clanking a good deal, trotted along beside Soraya, n.o.bodaddy, Luka, the Memory Birds, Bear the dog and Dog the bear towards the Battle Pavilion, from which loud, angry noises could be heard: the sounds of G.o.ddesses at war. will be safe enough here for a while.' Then she folded up the carpet, put it in her pocket, and marched towards the onion-domed building. The four Changers shape-s.h.i.+fted into metal sows, and, clanking a good deal, trotted along beside Soraya, n.o.bodaddy, Luka, the Memory Birds, Bear the dog and Dog the bear towards the Battle Pavilion, from which loud, angry noises could be heard: the sounds of G.o.ddesses at war.

'It's so idiotic,' Soraya said. 'They fight over which of them is the loveliest, as if it mattered. Beauty G.o.ddesses are the worst. They have been flattered and spoiled for thousands of years, mortals and immortals have sacrificed their lives for them, and as a result you wouldn't believe the things they believe they are ent.i.tled to. Nothing but the best will do for them, and if it belongs to someone else, so what? They are sure they deserve it more than its owner, whether it's a jewel or a palace or a man. But now here they are in the junkyard of their power, and their beauty no longer launches wars.h.i.+ps or makes men die for love, so there's nothing left to do but fight each other over a hollow crown, a t.i.tle that means nothing: the loveliest of them all the loveliest of them all.'

'But that's you you are the loveliest of them all,' Luka wanted to tell her. 'See how your red hair flies in the wind, and then there's the perfection of your eyes, your face, and I even enjoy it when you're insulting people, and I don't like it when you sound sad.' Unfortunately he was too shy to say such embarra.s.sing words out loud, and then a great burst of cheering began, and grew louder and louder, so she wouldn't have been able to hear anything anyway.

The crowd in the pavilion was the sort of gathering of fantastic creatures out of fables and legends which would have utterly astounded Luka just a few days ago, but which he had, by now, almost begun to expect. 'Oh, look, there are fauns here horned, goat-eared and goat-hoofed and proud centaurs stamping their feet,' he thought, and was surprised by how unsurprising the World of Magic was starting to feel. 'And winged men would those be angels angels? angels watching women fight? that doesn't sound right. And presumably all these other battle fans are the lower orders of the various G.o.d gangs, the G.o.ds' servants and children and pets, out for a morning's fun.'

Just then, the first G.o.ddess was ejected from the fray. She came tumbling head over heels through the air, right over Luka's head, screaming her rage as she went by, and turning from a palely powdered, geisha-like beauty into a hideous long-toothed harridan and then back into the geisha again. She crashed through the swing doors of the fight hall and was gone. 'I believe that was the j.a.panese rasetsu rasetsu, Kis.h.i.+mojin,' said n.o.bodaddy, with the air of a G.o.ddess-fight connoisseur. (Being at the battle had clearly improved his mood.) 'A rasetsu rasetsu is more demon than G.o.ddess, really, as you saw from her transformations just then. Out of her cla.s.s in this company, one feels; you'd expect her to be the first one to be knocked out.' is more demon than G.o.ddess, really, as you saw from her transformations just then. Out of her cla.s.s in this company, one feels; you'd expect her to be the first one to be knocked out.'

As Kis.h.i.+mojin retreated from the pavilion, Luka could still hear her high-pitched cursing. 'May your heads split into seven pieces like the flower of the basil shrub.' 'The so-called Arjaka curse,' n.o.bodaddy explained to Luka. 'Terrifying in the Real World, but pathetically ineffective against these formidable females.'

Luka couldn't see much of the fight, but didn't like to ask any of his companions to lift him up. Over the heads of the crowd he saw thunderbolts being hurled and loud explosions lighting up the fighting area. He saw huge clouds of b.u.t.terflies and flocks of birds, apparently also at war with one another. 'There's a little side battle going on between Mylitta, the moon G.o.ddess of ancient Sumer, and the Aztec vampire queen Xochiquetzal,' n.o.bodaddy reported. 'They don't like it that they both have bird and b.u.t.terfly entourages beauty G.o.ddesses always want to be unique! so they usually go at each other right away, and so do their flapping friends. Usually the two ladies knock each other out and leave the field clear for the top girls.'

The Roman love G.o.ddess, Venus, was eliminated early, staggering from the hall, reattaching her severed arms as she went. 'The Romans are low down in the rankings here in the Heart of Magic,' n.o.bodaddy shouted over the din. 'For a start, they are homeless. Their followers never came up with an Olympus or Valhalla for them, so they wander around the place looking, to be frank, like vagrants. Also, everybody knows they are just imitations of the Greeks, and who wants to watch second-rate remakes when you can see the original movies for free?'

Luka shouted back that he didn't know there was a divine pecking order. 'Who's at the top of it, then?' he yelled. 'Which bunch of ex-G.o.ds are the Top G.o.ds?' 'I'll tell you which ones are the snootiest,' n.o.bodaddy shouted. 'The Egyptians, for sure. And in these battles their girl Hathor often comes out on top.'

On this occasion, however, it was the Greek Cypriot, Aphrodite, who was the last G.o.ddess standing. After Ishtar of Babylon and Freya, Queen of the Valkyries, had beaten each other unconscious in the mud-wrestling ring, the betting favourite, cow-eared Hathor a shape-s.h.i.+fter like Jaldi and her sisters, only far more powerful, capable of turning herself into clouds and stones had made the mistake of turning briefly into a fig tree, which had allowed Aphrodite to chop her down. So at the end of the battle it was Aphrodite who approached the great Mirror that was the Ultimate Arbiter of Beauty, and asked the famous question, Mirror, Mirror on the Wall Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, and so on; Aphrodite it was who received the Mirror's accolade, You are the loveliest You are the loveliest, as was traditional. 'Oh well,' said n.o.bodaddy, 'it's good exercise, and they'll all be back at it tomorrow. There's not that much for them to do around here. It's not as if they can stay home and watch TV, or go out to the gym.'

The victor, Aphrodite, pa.s.sed through the crowd, waving graciously, but a little robotically. She was within a few feet of Luka at one point, and he saw that her eyes were oddly glazed, and focused on infinity. 'No wonder she can't see anyone Real,' he thought. 'She has eyes only for herself.'

He looked around for Soraya, but she had disappeared. 'She probably got bored,' said n.o.bodaddy. 'We'll find her outside.' As they left the Battle Hall, he pointed out some of the more remarkable audience members to Luka. The Humbaba of a.s.syria was a naked, scaly giant with a horned head and lion's paws. His tail was a living snake with a little, flicking forked tongue. 'And so is his w.i.l.l.y,' Luka noted with delight. 'That's quite something, a w.i.l.l.y-snake, that's a thing I've never seen before.' And close behind this brand-new sight was a group of Central Asian Boramez, who looked like baby lambs, except that their legs were made of two different varieties of long. fleshy roots, like sweet potatoes and parsnips. 'Lamb chops and two veg,' Luka thought. 'Yum! These creatures would make a complete, nouris.h.i.+ng meal.' There were several three-headed trolls in the crowd, and many disappointed Valkyries, who had been hoping for their girl Freya to come out on top. 'Nev-er mind mind,' they told one another in their sing-song, phlegmatic, good-natured Nordic way, 'to-morr-ow is is an- an-oth-er day day.'

Soraya was waiting in front of the rhododendron bushes, looking innocent, which was such an unusual look for her that Luka immediately suspected she was up to something. 'What's going on?' he began, then changed tack. 'Never mind,' he continued. 'We're wasting time. Let's get going, okay?'

'Once upon a time,' said Soraya dreamily, 'there was an Indian tribe called the Karaoke. They didn't have Fire, so they were sad and cold and never sang a note.'

'This is no time for fairy tales,' said Luka, but Soraya ignored him and continued. 'Fire had been created by a G.o.d-type creature named Ekoarak,' she said in the same dreamy, musical voice, which Luka had to admit was a beautiful voice, a voice exactly like his mother's voice, which made it comforting to listen to, 'but he had hidden it in a music box and given it, for safe keeping, to two old witches, with instructions that on no account were they to give it to the Karaoke '

'There's a point in here somewhere, I hope,' Luka interrupted, a little rudely, but that only made the Insultana smile, for, after all, it was the Otter way.

'Coyote was the one who decided he would steal the Fire,' she said. Bear the dog perked up. 'This is a story about a heroic prairie dog?' he said hopefully. Soraya ignored him. 'He got the Lion, the Big Bear, the Little Bear, the Wolf, the Squirrel and the Frog to help him. They s.p.a.ced themselves out between the witches' tent and the Karaoke village and waited. Coyote told one Karaoke Indian to visit the witches and attack their tent. When he did so they came out with their broomsticks and ran after him to chase him away. Coyote ran inside, opened the box with his nose, stole the burning firebrand, and ran. When the witches saw him running with the Fire they forgot about the Indian and chased Coyote instead. Coyote ran like the wind, and when he was tired he pa.s.sed the burning wood to the Lion, who ran as far as the Big Bear, who ran on to the Little Bear, and so on. Finally the Frog swallowed the Fire and dived under the river where the witches couldn't follow him, and then he jumped out on the far bank of the river and spat the Fire out onto dry wood in the Karaoke village, and the Fire crackled and burned and the flames rose high into the sky, and everybody cheered. Soon afterwards the Indian returned, having gone into the witches' tent (while they were chasing Coyote) and stolen the whole music box, and after that the Karaoke village was warm, and everyone sang all the time, because the magical music box never stopped playing its selection of popular songs.'

'Okay ... y ... y,' said Luka doubtfully. 'It's a nice enough story, but ...'

Coyote strolled out from behind the rhododendron bushes, looking Wild and Western and ready for trouble. Buenas dias, kid Buenas dias, kid, he said, in a cool, slanting sort of way. My friend here, that's the Insultana, indicated you could probly use some help. You ask me, I reckon you need all the help you can git My friend here, that's the Insultana, indicated you could probly use some help. You ask me, I reckon you need all the help you can git. He gave a confident, wolfish laugh. Hear this, Fire Thief. Aint n.o.body got more sperience than me in the fire-stealin line, xceptin maybe one individual big individual he was, too but after what happen to him last time aroun, he aint available. Caint be helped. Reckon he lost his nerve Hear this, Fire Thief. Aint n.o.body got more sperience than me in the fire-stealin line, xceptin maybe one individual big individual he was, too but after what happen to him last time aroun, he aint available. Caint be helped. Reckon he lost his nerve.

'What happened?' Luka asked, not really wanting to know.

Taken, said Coyote, bluntly. Got his big self tied down on a rock. Si, senor. Spreadeagled on there at the mercy of the merciless. Eagle got to chewin on his liver all day, which liver then done fix itself up an grow back ever' night on account of 3-J magic, so that Eagle he could jus go on munchin till the end of time. You want more? Got his big self tied down on a rock. Si, senor. Spreadeagled on there at the mercy of the merciless. Eagle got to chewin on his liver all day, which liver then done fix itself up an grow back ever' night on account of 3-J magic, so that Eagle he could jus go on munchin till the end of time. You want more?

'No, thank you,' Luka said, thinking, not for the first time, that he was a long, long way out of his depth. But he made his voice sound a lot braver than he felt and went on. 'Also,' he said, 'I'm smelling a rat, to be honest with you. Everybody has been telling me all along that the Fire has never been stolen in the whole history of the World of Magic. Now you tell me that you stole it, Coyote, and apparently this old-timer you're talking about stole it, too? So what's the truth? Has everyone been lying to me this whole time, and it's actually easier to steal the Fire than anyone has admitted?'

Soraya replied, 'We should have explained things better to you. n.o.bodaddy should have done it right at the outset, and so should I. You're right to feel aggrieved. So this is the truth of it. The World of Magic has taken many forms in different times and places, and it has had many different names. It has changed its location, its geography and its laws, as the history of the Real World has moved from age to age. In several of those times and places, it's true, Fire Thieves did make successful runs at the Fire of the G.o.ds. But n.o.body has succeeded since the Heart of Magic a.s.sumed its current shape and form, in this place, in this time, here and now. That's the truth. The Aalim have always been around after all, there's no escape from the Past, the Present and the Future, is there? but for a long time they left the management of things to the G.o.ds of the period, the same ex-G.o.ds you see here, inefficient deities who didn't always do such a good job. Now the Aalim have taken control of matters themselves. Everything has been reordered. The Fire of Life is impregnably defended. The Three Jos know everything. Jo-Hua knows even the smallest details of the Past, Jo-Hai can see even the smallest incident in the Present, and Jo-Aiga can foretell the Future. n.o.body has managed to steal the Fire since they took charge.'

'Oh,' said Luka, feeling horribly deflated, because the notion that n.o.bodaddy and Soraya and everyone else had hidden from him the successful Thefts of Fire had briefly given him hope. If Coyote could do it, he had thought, then he could do it, too. But that short-lived burst of optimism fizzled out and died like a well-doused fire as Soraya explained the truth. He turned back towards Coyote, humbly. 'What sort of help did you have in mind?' he asked.

This beautiful lady here she's kindly disposed to you and I'm indebted to her for old kindnesses, said Coyote, chewing something at the side of his mouth. She says maybe I could guide you through the inner country, which maybe I could at that. Says maybe you'll need somebody to make a She says maybe I could guide you through the inner country, which maybe I could at that. Says maybe you'll need somebody to make a carrera de distraccion. carrera de distraccion. That's a decoy run. Says I should see if I can get the old gang together and run that diversion for you while you make your crazy bid. Wants me to draw the 3J attention way from you while you run for glory. That's a decoy run. Says I should see if I can get the old gang together and run that diversion for you while you make your crazy bid. Wants me to draw the 3J attention way from you while you run for glory.

Then Soraya said something that drained all the hope out of Luka's body. 'I can't take you in there,' she said. 'Into Aalim country. If they see the Flying Carpet of King Solomon the Wise entering their s.p.a.ce, and if they become aware of him him ' here she nodded her head at n.o.bodaddy with a distasteful expression on her face 'and, believe me, they will become aware, then the game will be up right away; they'll smell trouble and come down on us with all the power they have, and I'm not strong enough to fight them off for very long. That's why I wanted to find Coyote. I want you to have a plan.' ' here she nodded her head at n.o.bodaddy with a distasteful expression on her face 'and, believe me, they will become aware, then the game will be up right away; they'll smell trouble and come down on us with all the power they have, and I'm not strong enough to fight them off for very long. That's why I wanted to find Coyote. I want you to have a plan.'

'I'm going with you,' said Bear the dog, loyally.

'I'm going too,' said Dog the bear in a gruff, big-brotherish voice. 'Somebody has to look after you.'

The Memory Birds shuffled their webbed feet awkwardly. 'It's not really our thing, fire-stealing,' said the Elephant Duck.

'We just remember stuff, that's all. We're just rememberers.' And the Elephant Drake added clumsily, 'We'll always remember you.'

The Elephant Duck gave him a furious look. 'What he means,' she said, nudging her partner roughly, 'is that we'll wait with Queen Soraya for your return.'

The Elephant Drake harrumphed. 'Obviously,' he said. 'I misspoke, obviously. We'll obviously be waiting. Obviously, that is what I meant to say.'

n.o.bodaddy squatted down so that he could look Luka in the eye. 'She's right,' he said, annoying Luka intensely by using Ras.h.i.+d Khalifa's most serious and loving voice. 'I can't go with you. Not in there.'

'Here's something else you should have told me before now,' Luka said angrily. 'Both of you. How am I supposed to do this without you?'

Jaldibadal the Changer said firmly, 'You still have us.'

Nuthog's sisters had fully recovered from their icy ordeal by now, and nodded enthusiastically, which made their metal pig ears clank against the sides of their heads. 'We are creatures of the Heart,' said Badlo-Badlo at least Luka thought it was Badlo, but with all their Changing it was hard to remember which of the four sisters was which. 'That's right,' said maybe Bahut-Sara. 'The Three Jos will not suspect us.'

'Thank you,' said Luka gratefully, 'but maybe you could change back into dragons? Dragons might be more useful than metal pigs if we come under attack.' The quadruple transformation was quickly completed, and Luka was pleased to see that there were differences in their colouring which made it easier to tell the Changers apart: Nuthog (Jaldi) was the red dragon, Badlo the green one, Sara the blue one, and Gyara-Jinn, the Changer with eleven possible transformations, the largest of the four, was golden.

'Then it's settled,' Luka said. 'Bear, Dog, Jaldi, Sara, Badlo, Jinn and me. Seven of us, into the Heart of the Heart.'

'Call me Nuthog,' said Nuthog. 'We're friends now. And I never liked my real name much anyhow.'

Coyote spat out the remnant of his dinner and cleared his throat. Aint you forgettin somethin here, Aint you forgettin somethin here, chico chico? Or is it your intent to insult me by declinin my offer in public an in spite of it being both generous an bona fide? An in spite of your ignorance and my particular expertise?

Luka was genuinely unsure how to reply. This Coyote was a friend of Soraya's, so that made him trustworthy, Luka supposed, but was he really necessary? Maybe the best way was just to creep in without doing anything to draw the Aalim's attention in any direction at all, even the wrong one?

'Just tell me one thing,' he said, rounding on n.o.bodaddy, who he was beginning to dislike more and more, 'how many levels do I still have to get through? I've got this single-digit counter up here on the right, saying Seven '

'Seven is excellent,' said n.o.bodaddy. 'Seven is actually impressive. But you won't complete Level Eight unless you do succeed in stealing the Fire of Life '

'Which, let's be clear, has never been done at least, not in the current format of the Magical World,' interjected Luka crossly. 'Not under the Rules of the Game that are presently in effect.'

'And Level Nine is the longest and hardest of all,' n.o.bodaddy added. 'That's the one in which you have to get all the way back to the Start and jump back into the Real World without being caught. Oh, and you will have the entire World of Magic up in arms and chasing after you, by the way. That's Level Nine.'

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