Part 9 (1/2)
”Still,” Megan continued, ”if you want to visit her, I'm sure we can find a way to make it work.”
”And you?” His voice was low, both sensuous and cautious. ”I want to see you again.”
She tried for a lighthearted answer. ”Tough to see Anna without seeing me. The suite's not that big.”
”You know what I mean.”
She let her gaze fall to his long fingers, still splayed across the top of her leg. Anyone looking at the two of them sitting on the sofa would think she and Stefano were a pa.s.sionate newlywed couple, unable to keep their hands off each other for the duration of a conversation; she knew better. ”I don't know if that's wise.”
Today had been a gift. A memory she'd cherish the rest of her life, just as she did the memory of their first encounter. But they both knew there was no future in it, not for the two of them. His life could never be hers. Even if she wanted to give up her freedom for a royal life-a.s.suming the Barrali family would accept an American n.o.body from Minnesota as a romantic partner for their son-she couldn't force that life upon Anna. She wouldn't.
Stefano would soon realize the futility of it, too. While they'd be forever bound by Anna, eventually the romantic aspect of their relations.h.i.+p would end, and Megan's heart would break. She couldn't stare that heartbreak in the face every time Stefano wanted to spend time with their daughter. She definitely couldn't stand it if-when-the press discovered Anna's parentage, they also discovered that the fling hadn't ended at Anna's conception. The longer she let this go on, the greater the chance that could happen.
What would such a revelation do to Anna? Would she harbor dreams of them becoming a family and living in the palace in Sarcaccia, not realizing what that would truly mean? It was too big a risk to take.
”You're worried about what it will do to Anna if we're involved.”
”I have to be.”
He cupped her chin, tilting her face so she could see the determination in his expression. ”I told you. I want more than flirting from you.”
She smiled at that, hoping to hide the sadness practicality brought her. ”What we did today went beyond flirting.”
”I want to make up for what we lost in Venezuela.” He caressed her cheek with his thumb, causing her stomach to do a slow flip-flop against her will.
”That's not possible.”
”Anything we want is possible. We only need to want it.” He moved his hands to her waist, then knelt on the floor between the coffee table and sofa and looked up at her. ”Megan Hallberg, I want you to marry me. I want you to be my wife.”
Chapter Thirteen.
Megan's breath stilled in her lungs as she stared at Stefano, not quite believing what he'd said.
I want you to marry me.
The thought of marrying him made her giddy. Waking up next to him each morning, laughing together over coffee, spending weekends with Anna at the park...if only it could be. If only he hadn't been born a Barrali. If only it was something more than a fantasy. Still, it charmed her that he could dream of a fantasy life together.
A flinch of his hands at her waist made her realize he was waiting for her response.
”Well, when you said you could be impetuous, you meant it.”
Crinkles appeared at the corners of his eyes. ”Making love to you today was impetuous, but the feeling behind it was not. Nor is my proposal.”
This was planned? She blinked in confusion. ”Come again?”
”I've thought about it from the moment you told me about Anna.”
The happy flip-flop of her stomach settled to lead. So that's why he proposed. Anna. She should've known. She forced a lighthearted tone to cover her emotional tumult. ”I find it hard to believe you were considering marriage when you were so angry you left me in the hallway on the conference floor.”
One side of his mouth hitched into a dimple-inducing smile. She suspected he knew exactly what that smile did to her.
”Maybe the thought came a moment after that,” he admitted. ”I was furious when you told me. It was a shock to learn I was a father and that you'd kept such a secret for so long. But once I understood that it wasn't intentional on your part, I realized all that we could have together. It makes such perfect sense, I haven't been able to think of anything else.”
She glanced down at his strong hands, still encircling her waist as he knelt before her, then back to his bewitching eyes, trying to discern the truth in their depths. ”You don't think that's impetuous?”
”Fast,” he acknowledged, ”but not impetuous. I've never been more certain of anything in my life.”
He rose to sit beside her on the sofa and bracketed her hands with his. ”You don't have to answer me now. In fact, you shouldn't. It's a big decision and you should take time to consider it.”
As long as he'd taken to consider it?
”Living in the palace would mean a significant lifestyle change for you and for Anna. However, I can make arrangements to keep my block of rooms more private. The laws in Sarcaccia were recently changed to prevent paparazzi from following or photographing children, so Anna would have protections that aren't available in most other countries...protections I didn't even have as a child. There are dozens of high end hotels that would love to have someone of your expertise on staff and the country's new conference center will soon be hiring, so there are options for you if you wish to continue working. All it would take is a phone call or two for you to find the perfect position. The school system is excellent. Anna can study anything she wishes. Even-dare I say it-cooking.”
Megan closed her eyes for a moment, overwhelmed by his grand plans. He'd thought through everything...everything except the real reason any couple should marry. ”That's all very practical, but-”
”We have a connection, Megan. It's more than the fact we share a child. It's us. Time hasn't dimmed that spark. If anything, we're old enough now to understand how special it is. How rare and valuable.”
She opened her eyes, intent on stopping him from uttering another word, but the heat in his gaze nearly made her say yes on the spot. Spending her life with this man-talking about each other's days over a gla.s.s of wine each evening, watching him with Anna, sharing her bed with him every night-would be a dream come true in so many ways. But it was only a dream. As he said, they shared a spark. A lasting, fulfilling marriage required more than a spark-no matter how hot that spark-even if he'd thought through the logistics of everything else. Logistics plus spark weren't good enough for her.
She wanted a marriage like the deeply pa.s.sionate one her parents enjoyed. A marriage that would endure. A marriage built on love, trust, and mutual respect. Not a marriage built on hot s.e.x during a college fling and a weekend in Barcelona.
Years spent raising Anna on her own taught her the importance of unconditional love. She wanted no less from a spouse. She wouldn't marry simply for convenience. In the end, it couldn't endure.
She pulled her hands from his and stood, needing s.p.a.ce.
”I'll think about it, but I can't imagine an answer other than no.”
”Why?”
She turned to face him from the opposite side of the coffee table, surprised that he sounded stunned by her response. ”If you'd known I was pregnant before you proposed to Ariana, maybe things would be different. Maybe you and I would have taken that opportunity to reevaluate our relations.h.i.+p. Even so, I suspect things wouldn't have changed.” She spread her hands wide. ”We parted ways for a reason, Stefano. We knew we were from two different worlds, with completely different plans for our lives, and that nothing could come of it. I finished school, you went home to your military career and to a new relations.h.i.+p. As nostalgic as it may make us feel to look back a decade, let's be honest with ourselves. What we had was no more than a fling. A very hot fling, but a fling.”
He leaned back on the sofa and folded his hands over the knot of his robe, his ease suggesting he'd expected her to say as much. ”It was more than a fling to me, I just didn't know it at the time.”
She started to speak, but he waved her off. ”I learned over the years that what we shared emotionally was far more than what one experiences in a fling. I told you that I don't do casual s.e.x. There's a reason. You changed me. Everyone I've dated since then has paled in comparison.” A muscle in his jaw twitched as he spoke. ”You still have that effect on me. And I think I have that effect on you. I'm not the only one who's not into casual s.e.x.”
”How would you know that?”
”Bella,” the word came out as a tease, ”you couldn't find the condoms. And when you did, it was an unused box.”
She burned to point out that she had a young child and a full-time job. She lived in the very building where she worked. Casual s.e.x couldn't be on the agenda, even if she wanted.
But...she didn't. The few men she'd dated over the years hadn't fired her blood the way Stefano did. Not enough to justify the risks a wild night in the sack would entail.
Even so, that wasn't a justification for marriage. He wouldn't have proposed to her if not for Anna. He couldn't love her, just as she couldn't possibly love him. Who fell in love in a weekend? Falling into l.u.s.t, she could believe. That they had in spades. Seeing him on her sofa wearing nothing but a hotel robe and a mischievous, self-satisfied grin made her want to climb in his lap and wrap her legs around him all over again. If she succ.u.mbed to that temptation, she knew that in time, love was a possibility. For her.