Chapter 64 (2/2)

Jia Yan said “I had to make amends to the seniors, what else did you have to worry about? Why did you go to Africa later?”

“Jia Yang,” I ruffled the hair on his forehead, “There is something, I have not told you.”

He looked at me: “Tell me.”

“The two of us, had a little child. This was before I had gone abroad, when I was studying at college.”

”I did not discuss with you, I took the initiative to have the child aborted.

During the surgery, there was an accident. Jia Yang, I may not have the opportunity to have children .

Jia Yang, I can not have a child with you.

So I want to go a little bit further, and say, I don’t deserve you.”

These were not just a few words, but it was really hard to say. My throat ached.

Jia Yang did not speak,he sat up, looked at me, and put his hands on my stomach. His hands were very warm.

He took me in his arms, gently asked: “At that time,did it hurt?”

” A little bit”, I said.

” A little bit?”, he asked .

Until now, I could still feel the cold table against my spine and the pale white bright light above, and also, that thread like sharp pain.

This may be the deepest pain in my heart. Whenever I think I lost Jia Yang’s child, I feel as if my heart was being gouged out from my body.

Jia Yang said: “You did not tell me because you didn’t want to make things difficult for me, right?”

He hugged me, kissed my forehead: “Fei, I let you suffer so much, in the future, you should never want to be separated from me. You let me take care of you.”

“I know that you like kids …”

“But we are together, because we want to be together, not to have children, do you understand this truth?”

I also hugged him, his face close to my body, ”What you say is correct.”

“And, I think, the fact that we are together, it seems too good to be true. So if we have some little regrets, it just proves that G.o.d is fair and I feel more secure.”

I nodded enthusiastically .

I had hidden a big secret for a long time, and finally told Jia Yang today.I felt a lot better. It was as if I was walking with a heavy burden for a long time, and now that I had told him, I could unload the burden.

It was really that simple, now I could rely on this man who was like a big, flouris.h.i.+ng, vibrant tree.

“Besides,Fei , you think about it, the two of us are educated and constantly enhancing our skills, but if we produce a small white boy, are we allowing others to live?” Jia Yang said.

“Yeah,” I thought he was right, we had to leave some room for others. “This is for ecological balance.”

“And if you do not have children, we do not have to quit smoking.You know, Xiao Liu, when he was about to be a dad, he had to quit smoking for three months.”

“Yeah, we do not have to control our drinking.”

“Hey, no contraception.”

“Wow haha, when do you want to do it?” I asked.

Jia Yang’s eyes were sparkling, he slowly pressed my body: ” Is now okay?”

“You are injured .” I touched his face, kissed him, and kissed him again .”Did it hurt?”

He scrunched his eyebrows and said, “I have endured even more pain.”

The next day at work, I was translating letters to the United Nations, when the director called me to his office. He told me that from then on I was suspended until Chinese New Year. After that, I was told to wait for further instructions from the personnel department.

Although I had long been mentally prepared , I was still a little dazed.

I took my own things to go out, thinking, What’s the big deal, I will beg for benevolence, I have no regrets.

Back home, Jia Yang saw me and asked: “Were you suspended?”

“Yes”

“I am too,” he said, “the Personnel Department called me today and told me not to come to work.”

Translated by miumiu

TL Checked and edited by Tranzgeek

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