Part 28 (2/2)

”And you don't know that it won't be. If you want to wait then wait. We'll go have lunch before I pick up the kids and you can do this whenever you feel up to it again. But . . .”

Kennedy's eyes widened at the word. ”But what?”

Vanessa dropped her hand and shrugged. ”But if you want my opinion, it's not too early at all. There are tests now that know you're pregnant even before you are pregnant,” she joked. ”You're a week late; it's not too soon to test.” Vanessa held out a box to her. ”Your choice.”

Kennedy stared at the box for one long agonizing minute before finally taking it from her friend. The words First Response stared back at her and the nausea she had yet to feel suddenly came rus.h.i.+ng over her. Kennedy pressed her lips together and closed her eyes as Vanessa encouraged her to take deep, slow breaths.

”Are you sure you don't want to do this with Memphis?” she asked once the feeling had pa.s.sed. ”You know he'd want to be here for you.”

”I know. I just . . . I don't want him to know that it's even a possibility until I know for sure.” Kennedy looked at Vanessa and tried to blink away tears. ”I'm scared either way. I'm scared if I'm not then maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe something happened after the mis-the miscarriage.” Even after so many years it was still hard to think about what happened.

”Well, it's not like you've been trying.”

”No. But it's not like we've been all that careful either the last year or so since I went off birth control.” Kennedy paused and looked down at the box again. ”And I'm scared if I am . . . that it will just happen again. What if my body isn't made for babies?” Tears spilled down her cheeks as she let Vanessa pull her into a hug.

”It's going to be okay.”

”Easy for you to say.” Kennedy gave her a watery smile. ”All Joe has to do is look at you and you're pregnant.”

”Well, that and the adventurous s.e.x we may or may not have. ” Vanessa b.u.mped her arm with hers and nodded at the test. ”So? Moment of truth?”

”Moment of truth,” Kennedy agreed. ”I wish I could do this right now before I lost my nerve.”

”So do it right now.” Vanessa looked around before grabbing Kennedy's hand and dragging her off in the direction of the bathrooms.

”Are you crazy?” Kennedy cried. ”I can't take this,” she waved the box around, ”here!”

”Sure you can. All you gotta do is pee on the stick, Kennedy. You can do that anywhere.”

”You know what I mean.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes.

”You're still going to pay for the d.a.m.n thing.” She turned Kennedy around and pushed her to an empty stall. ”You said you wanted to do it before you lost your nerve. So do it. Pee, Monroe.”

”It's Adams now, you know.”

”You'll always be Monroe to me.” Vanessa nudged her into the bathroom stall and gave her two thumbs up and a big grin. ”Good luck.”

Kennedy chewed on her bottom lip as she nodded and closed the door. She hung her purse on the hook and leaned against one of the walls, closing her eyes.

Could she really be doing this again? It had been almost five years since she had taken her first, and only, pregnancy test. The uncertainty and fear she had felt that day quickly vanished when those two pink lines showed up. Sure, she had still been nervous and even a little scared, but she knew in that moment having that baby was what she was meant to do. She was meant to be a mother.

Sadly, Mother Nature didn't agree with her, and five weeks later she lost the precious gift she had been given.

The pregnancy had put a strain on her relations.h.i.+p with her boyfriend, Ian Brooks. But after the miscarriage things went downhill fast. Only neither of them really cared at the time to do anything about it. If it hadn't been for Memphis she didn't know what she would have done. He had been her rock during that time. He had helped her, saved her from drowning in the sadness that she had felt . . .

Kennedy had opened her apartment door and found Memphis standing on the other side, gorgeous smile in place, messy hair, tired eyes and hands weighted down with grocery bags.

”I brought ice cream and all the fixings for our famous sundaes,” he'd said instead of greeting her with a sympathetic smile and an ”I'm sorry”, or ”How you doing?” like everyone else did.

He entered the apartment, kicking the door closed behind him and pausing to kiss the top of her head before proceeding into the kitchen to unpack his loot.

”What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice hoa.r.s.e from all the hours of crying and little talking she had done. In fact, if she'd stopped to consider her appearance at all she knew she probably looked like s.h.i.+t. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, the sweats.h.i.+rt was two sizes too big, she was wearing ratty old sweats, and her eyes were red and puffy. But she couldn't seem to care.

”You're here,” he said simply, pulling out a can of whipped cream.

”But you were in Germany.”

”Yes, and you weren't.”

”But . . .” Her throat closed up and new tears threatened to spill down her cheeks as she thought of what he had sacrificed for her to come back home. ”But your work,” she said weakly.

”I finished what I needed to do and caught an early flight home,” he explained without meeting her eyes and she instantly knew he was lying.

”Memphis, you didn't-”

”It's just a job, Kennedy,” he said, finally meeting her gaze. ”You're what's important right now.”

Kennedy shook her head as the tears won out and she started sobbing. Memphis wrapped his arms around her as she clung to his s.h.i.+rt and carefully lowered them to the kitchen floor as he cradled her against his chest.

”Why did this happen, Memphis?” she cried into his s.h.i.+rt. ”Why is life so cruel to give me a child and then take it away?”

”I don't know, beautiful.” He kissed her temple and rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

”I didn't even make it to my first appointment,” she told him. ”My OB doesn't see patients until twelve weeks and I was only nine. When the cramping started Brooks said it was normal, that many women cramp during pregnancy, but then-”

”Shhh.” He tightened his hold on her. ”I'm here now.”

”Thank you for coming home, Memphis.”

”Always. Let me take care of you, okay?” He looked down at her and she nodded.

Brooks couldn't even be bothered to take a day or two off from the hospital to be with her. He told her that what she was going through happened to thousands of other women all the time and there was nothing he could do about it. But this, what Memphis was doing right now, was what he could have done. He could have held her and told her it would be okay. He could have stayed with her, even if they didn't do anything, just so she knew she wasn't alone in this. He could have made her dinner, or taken a walk with her, or he could have bought her the d.a.m.n ice cream. There was so much he could have done.

But instead it had been Memphis who picked her up and set her on the couch and made her a sundae, who had listened to her talk about what happened, who had held her while she cried, and who had tucked her into bed when she pa.s.sed out from exhaustion. It had been Memphis who was there in the morning making her breakfast, who had dragged her out of the house and made her go for a walk on the beach and stop by the art gallery to see everyone. It hadn't been Brooks who took her to her follow up appointment with her doctor and it hadn't been Brooks who packed away the few baby things she had bought so she didn't have to deal with it. It was her best friend, her rock . . .

”I don't hear tinkling!” Vanessa sang.

Kennedy opened her eyes, the memory popping like a soap bubble. She looked down at the box in her hand and suddenly felt a wave of calm. She could do this. No matter what the result was or what happened, she could do this because she had Memphis.

”What are you doing in there?”

”Reading the instructions,” Kennedy lied.

”Reading the . . . Girl, you're not making the d.a.m.n thing, you're peeing on it!”

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