Part 17 (1/2)

If he said yes to a date . . . If he said yes, he'd never be able to say no to her.

So he hadn't said anything. He'd printed up her email, tucked it away.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Justin? You okay? Did you get my last email? So help me, if you got sent somewhere and didn't even tell your mom, we will barbecue YOU at the next get-together.

~April Staring at the computer screen, he swallowed a couple of times. Shook his head. ”I can't, April.”

Before he could rethink it, Lance Corporal Justin Clark deleted his entire Yahoo account.

December 17, 2012 From: [email protected] To: [email protected] April, It was really good to see you and meet your daughter the other evening. Thank you for giving me the means by which to contact you. It's been a long time.

Justin From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Justin, It has been a long time.

I was surprised to see you, but Hannah was right. I could use some friends in this area. How long are you stationed in Maryland? Are you in D.C.?

April From: [email protected] To: [email protected] April, Hannah is a very smart girl.

Yes, I'm at 8th and I in D.C. I'll be here for another couple of years, probably.

So, how have you been? What have you been up to, lately? I don't mean to be insensitive, but I haven't been stalking you or anything, so I don't know.

Before anything else, since you've agreed to be in touch for now, I have to apologize to you. It may be pointless, and that's okay, but I do.

Justin December 19, 2012 From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Justin, Sorry it took me a while to answer. I didn't know what to say. I would guess you're apologizing for disappearing on me that one time. Someday I might ask what you were thinking, so if you are really sorry, I hope you'll tell me, okay? It kind of messed me up for a while.

Can't believe I wrote that, but I did. And I won't delete it, because it's true.

Look. My friends can find me on Facebook. If you want to be friends, add me and I'll add you.

You're right, by the way. Hannah is a very smart girl. And she likes you.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] April, Thanks for adding me on Facebook. I feel kind of strange, checking up on you there, but you said it was okay and I guess it is since you can do the same to me. You have any questions about anything, you can ask, okay?

I've missed you.

Justin P.S. Glad Hannah likes me. I'd like to get to know her better.

December 20, 2012 From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Justin, Hannah said to say h.e.l.lo.

I have thought of a lot of things I'd like to ask, I think, and I bet you have some, too.

Sometimes, when I get your email, I feel like I'm in college again, you know? And writing to you comes easy. Like, did you see The Avengers this last summer? Did you like it? I read The Hunger Games books and saw the first movie while Hannah visited with my mom.

Honest, Justin, I never thought I'd see you again, so it's taking me some time to work around the idea that you're willing to talk to me.

April From: [email protected] To: [email protected] April, Can I call you?

Justin Justin stood still as he punched April's number into his cell phone. He wouldn't add her to his contact list until after they had talked and cleared the air, he'd decided. While waiting for her to answer, though, he was pacing. His rank a.s.sured him of private quarters, but they weren't large and he covered the s.p.a.ce from the door to his window several times before he heard, ”h.e.l.lo?”

”April? It's Justin.”

There was a pause and a slight laugh. ”That was fast.”

He could hardly believe he was talking to her again. ”Yeah. I hope that's okay?”

”Sure. Um . . . Hannah's getting ready for bed, so I don't have a long time to talk.”

Nerves kept Justin on his feet as he prayed desperately for the right words. ”Then I'll try to be brief, if I can.” She didn't respond so he took a quick breath, leaned against the closed door, and began. ”I'll save the long version, but the short version is that I was stupid. And young. And you intimidated the heck out of me with being brave enough to ask me out and I didn't know how to say any of that back then.”

Dear G.o.d, help me. It hurts just saying this to her.

His eyes burned, his stomach was in knots, and he felt as if he'd fall down if not for the door at his back. It was silent for several very uncomfortable moments.

He heard a strange kind of hitching sound in her breath and closed his eyes as she spoke. ”Why didn't you at least answer, back then? We'd been friends a long time, and I deserved an answer. Even if all you could do was tell me that you didn't have time for me, you know?”

”But that wasn't the truth, April. I couldn't lie to you. I won't lie to you. Not ever.”

”Oh, you couldn't lie, but you could just make yourself disappear and not tell me where you'd gone? Like that was supposed to be better?” Pain and anger whipped through her voice, but the uneven sound had faded and he felt better to hear her sound so strong. ”Why didn't you just say no, then? Anything would have been better than ignoring me.”

If he hadn't ignored her, if he'd said no, would they have stayed friends? Might he have manned up and asked her out eventually, deepening their friends.h.i.+p to something more?

If he hadn't ignored her, might April have fallen in love with him, instead of John Sinclair?

”You're right,” was what he said to her on the phone. ”Like I said, I was young and stupid. That's the short version.”

He heard her take a deep breath. ”There's . . . There's a long version?”

Crossing to his bed, he sat down. ”Yeah, there is.”

”Okay.” He heard a slight sc.r.a.ping sound then a m.u.f.fled, ”Coming, Hannah!”

”You have to go.”

”Yeah. Um.” He heard Hannah's voice in the background, singing something, and he felt his lips curl in a smile. She was too cute. ”Justin?”

”Yeah?”

”Would you like to come to Christmas Eve wors.h.i.+p with us? Do you still go to church and . . .”

”Absolutely, and yes, I'd be honored.” Thank you, Lord! ”Can you send me the details?”

”I'll email them. I've gotta go.”

”Good night, April.”

December 24, 2012 Justin tugged nervously on his dark blue sweater. His mom said it matched his eyes, but he didn't get it. His blond hair had gone darker over the years, but it was cut so close to his head that it looked light brown. He stood at six four, but he managed to feel a little dwarfed by the dimensions of April's front porch.

Elkridge had a lot of what he would call ”high rent districts.” The widow of John Patrick Sinclair could certainly afford to live in one.

Justin Clark still felt hopelessly outcla.s.sed by this woman. Offering up a silent prayer, he took the antique knocker in two fingers and rapped the door three times.