Part 12 (1/2)
So I felt like an idiot. Sitting on the floor of an old trailer, doing some kind of mantra thing with a flaky female terrorist. But I did as directed. When Meyer was into hypnosis, he had me doing some odd things. I was difficult at first, until I realized that it wouldn't hurt me to try to cooperate. Then he could manage it. It delighted him. Going under seemed to make a little roaring sound in my head, reminiscent of the first few seconds before one pa.s.ses out. I did as I was told, looking into Nena's dark wide eyes, and soon the little roaring sound started, taking me into a different level of consciousness. We are one. Quite suddenly I could hear her voice inside my head instead of my own. And I could no longer see the rest of her face with my peripheral vision, only her eyes. The breathing seemed to be becoming much slower. Her pulse was a very slow steady throb against my finger pad. It was all sensation, without thought. Going on and on and on.
I was aware that she had ended it. Her hands were gone from mine. Contact broken. It was like coming slowly up from the bottom of a deep clear pool, seeing the sunlight on the surface above. I gave myself a slow shake, like an old wet dog, and looked at her.
She was flushed, and looking at me oddly. ”What's the matter?” I asked her. ”Worked pretty good.”
”I know. Better than with most people when it's the first time. I didn't expect that. Knowing your background. Only the most sensitive and imaginative and intelligent people go into semuanja baik so quick.”
”Semu-what?”
”It's an Indonesian phrase. It means everything is all right. Don't worry. Be rea.s.sured. Sister Elena Marie says it is synergy. One person plus one person equals more than two persons.”
”Were you telling me I'm some kind of dummy?”
”No. It's just very strange you should get so deeply into it the very first time. It, was... very stirring. And it makes a person feel very s.e.xy.”
”I noticed.” She was still frowning at me. I felt certain she would report this unexpected facility to Persival and it would rekindle his doubts. I said, quickly, ”I used to have this partner I'd go netting with. I used to get these headaches all the time. He said he could hypnotize me out of them, and he tried and tried and tried, and when he was about to give up, I finally went under. It helped a lot. So when you started this semu-something, it felt like it did when he was putting me under, so I let myself go.”
She stopped frowning and gave a brisk little nod. ”Of course. That would be it, wouldn't it? We use it to reinforce the joining together. When people begin to have doubts, when they begin to think they're not strong enough for what the Church demands, then they can do semuanja batk and be strengthened and refreshed. When I listen to Sister Elena Marie on the tape, I get sort of the same feeling. Not as intense, but it's there. That farawayness. Brother Persival says it's that quality that made her such a success when she was an evangelist. When she used to broadcast, with a choir of two hundred voices, from the Tabernacle in Biloxi. That was before she founded the Church of the Apocrypha, before she had taken the name Sister Elena Marie.”
”What did her name used to be?”
”I wouldn't tell you except she was so well known a lot of people know it. She was Bobbie Jo Annison. She started preaching the gospel when she was sixteen. They got up to over a hundred and fifty stations toward the end, and she took in millions of dollars for good works. But she decided it was not the true faith, and there were too many advisers trying to run things, and the government was after her for taxes and all. And she decided that it was vanity that had taken over for piety, being on the air so much. So she quit and she founded our Church. Maybe it was about nine years ago, or ten. There used to be things in the magazines. Whatever happened to Bobbie Jo Annison? I expect you heard the name before.”
”It sounds kind of familiar, but I was never much for turning on television for anything at all.”
”She is the greatest woman who ever lived.”
”You mean that?”
”I would die for her. I probably will die for her, and be reborn into my own ident.i.ty in the next incarnation. That's the reward for dying for the Church. Sometimes, after I have prayed a long time, and very hard, suddenly I can hear her voice inside my head saying my words in her voice to the Lord. Sister Stella can make that happen, too. It's wonderful when it happens.” Her face glowed.
”Speaking of Stella, maybe you can tell me the ground rules around here. I don't want to get into trouble.”
”Because she came to your bed? No, there is no objection. It could have been suggested to her. I didn't ask and she didn't tell me. If the two of you slept only with each other, that would be bad.”
”Is that rule in Sister Elena Marie's book?”
”Not in this book. In another of her books there is a chapter about sharing. She says that making love should be a simple function, and not be given too much importance in this era. She says that when we were all alive in earlier centuries, it was different. We were all faithful to just one person, and it was good and natural and right. And when we come back to earth again, in future centuries, it will probably be like that again. But now, in this world, if we begin to think too much of some other person, it will make us weak in our duty as soldiers in the Army of the Lord. We might forget our own mission in trying to save another person from hurt.”
”Is this sharing okay in the other camps that aren't special? Like when my little girl was here?”
”Oh, no. You have to be celibate your first few years in the Church. You must give up everything for the Church. But we in special training have proved we will not be weakened by s.e.xual pleasure, and if we wish it, it is permitted.”
”As long as you spread it around.”
”Is that some kind of a dirty joke to you?”
”I didn't know any other way to say it, Nena.”
”You must call me Sister Nena, nothing else.”
”How did you come to get selected for this training?”
”Everyone in the Church is watched. Actually they are testing all of us all the time, keeping track of the ones with the strongest faith and the strongest, quickest bodies. When they told me I had been selected for special training, I didn't even know what kind of training it would be. Now I know, and I'll do whatever they ask of me.”
”Like blow up some kindergartens?”
”You really don't understand, do you? The most b.l.o.o.d.y, savage, awful acts that seem the most pointless, they're the ones that are most productive. They revolt and shock everyone, and that puts terrible pressure on the central govern ment and local governments to crack down on fill the people who are nonconformist in any way. When that happens, the resentment makes rebels out of the conformists too, and pretty soon the whole structure crumbles.”
”And you can do these terrible things, Sister Nena?”
”I might be asked to do things that will make rne feel sort of sick to my stomach. But I'll be proud of the chance to do them. I'm exalted to think I'll be part of something that's going to change the world. I'm proud of finally finding something in my life that makes sense, Brother Thomas. Has your life really made sense to you?”
”Sense? I don't know. I've had a few laughs. I've had some real good days. And some black black ones. Who says things have to make sense?”
”We want it to. Every one of us. We don't understand it, and Sister Elena Marie sorts it all out for us.”
”Well, I wish I could go see the lady and let her explain it all to me.”
”You saw the tape. Didn't that help?”
”I guess so. A little bit.”
”Brother Thomas, we are all getting very fond of you, you know. We are enjoying having you with us. Please don't have doubts. Just don't think about it. Be open. And when the time comes, Brother Persival will have a mission for you, and you will want to perform it properly and please us all.”
”Is that a first name or a last name? Persival.”
”I really don't know. One of the rules of the Church is that everyone has just one name. And you can pick any part of your first name or last name, or you can make up a name, and then it is yours forever.”
”Don't you get a lot of duplications?”
”Of course. What difference does that make? We don't pay taxes and we're not on social security and there is no payroll.”
”Then it could be tough locating my little girl Kathy.”
”In all the regular camps there must be hundreds of Kathys. People are supposed to forget their last names. So even if they paged her in all the regular camps, she might not answer.”
”The boss lady has two names.”
”Please don't call her that! She is the only person who is allowed to have two names. The only one in the whole Church.”
I had untangled myself, and the feeling was coming back into my legs. She was back on the bed. By the way she moved I could see she no longer had an ankle problem.
”Well, take care of yourself, Sister Nena.”
She smiled at me. ”Sure. Sister Stella is very fond of you, did you know that?”