Part 32 (1/2)

I was scared. I meditated a few minutes. I asked the Infinite for protection. I drove around awhile. I had no destination.

I recalled something Rama used to say about reflections.

”I am like a perfect mirror. If you ever perceive me in a negative light, you are seeing nothing more than a reflection.”

I pulled into a parking lot of a motel. I found myself looking for cars from Rama's tour group. I found myself wondering where the disciples--my friends--were and what they were doing. For years we had been close, like a tribe. Suddenly I had an inspiration: set out across America and rejoin my tribe! And how my spirit soared!

And through the sleepless days and nights, I searched Howard Johnson's, Best Western, and Denny's parking lots across America for a black Turbo Carerra.

I had not forgotten the problems with Rama. But I remembered him telling me that through the good times and bad, we would always be family. ”And what family doesn't have problems?”

I asked myself.

I drove south to Stony Brook but did not find the group, so in New York City I paid a surprise visit to Tom. When I told him about my quest to find my tribe, he seemed to understand what I was going through.

But he had left the Centre roughly nine months before and had no interest in returning. That night I saw for the second time The Razor's Edge.

”Maybe I can rejoin the group and be independent at the same time,”

I told myself as I began the drive west.

Days later, in San Diego, I was showering at the UCSD gym, when I asked a guy if I could use some of his shampoo.

”Sure, Mark, take as much as you want,” was the reply.

Wiping the soap from my eyes, I recognized Gary, a disciple who had left Rama years ago. I was glad to see him. We decided to go for a hike on Palomar Mountain. I told him during the ride that I had lost my tribe.

He gave me an understanding smile. ”I hear they have moved to Laguna Beach.”

”No kidding!” I said. ”Would you like to go there instead of to Palomar?”

In less than two hours we sat eating cheesecake in Laguna Beach.

Suddenly I saw Paul drive by.

”They're here!” I exclaimed and chased the car down Pacific Coast Highway.

But I soon lost sight of my old friend from Stony Brook. I walked back, polished off the cheesecake, and drove Gary back to San Diego.

The next day I returned to Laguna Beach. I decided to wait by a twenty-four hour banking machine, an appropriate place it seemed to stalk members of Rama's tribe.

Alexander and Marty soon appeared searching for cash. I was jubilant to see them. They were wary of me. After a few minutes, though, they seemed to forget that I was taboo (Rama had put me down at one of the Centre meetings). They told me when and where the meetings were being held.

They did not tell me what had happened after I left them in Boulder.

The twenty-eight had continued their journey east to Lincoln, Nebraska, where Rama declared that they should move to whichever cities they as individuals *saw*. But when it looked like the group was going to splinter, Rama changed his mind and instructed them all to move to Laguna Beach, California.

The next week I drove to the Beverly Wils.h.i.+re in Beverly Hills.

I asked Al, who was now in charge of security, to ask Rama if I could rejoin the Centre.

I shuffled about nervously. ”It may not be perfect,” I told myself.

”But at least it's where I belong.”

Al returned after a few minutes. ”Rama said 'okay.'”

”Did he say anything else?” I asked, greatly relieved.

”Yes,” Al replied. ”Rama said that it's a tough world out there.”

19. I'm Okay

When I rejoined the Centre, I was determined to be a good disciple.