Part 53 (1/2)

Riis. Mrs.--Mrs.--? What has she to do with--?

Svava. Be quiet! I know everything! You have--

Mrs. Riis. Svava!

Svava. Ah, yes-for mother's sake I won't go on. But, when I threw down my much discussed gauntlet yesterday, I knew about it then. That was why I did it! It was a protest against everything of the kind, against its beginning and its continuation, against him and against you!

I understood--then--your pious zeal in the matter, and the show of scandalised morality you allowed mother to be a witness of!

Mrs. Riis. Svava!

Svava. I understand now, for the first time, what your consideration, your politeness to mother--which I have so often admired--all meant!

Your fun, your good temper, your care of your appearance!--Oh, I never can believe in anything any more! It is horrible, horrible!

Mrs. Riis. Svava, dear!

Svava. All life seems to have become unclean for me! My nearest and dearest all soiled and smirched! That is why, ever since yesterday, I have had the feeling of being an outcast; and that is what I am--an outcast from all that I prized and reverenced--and that without my having done the slightest thing to deserve it. Even so, it is not the pain of it that I feel most deeply; it is the humiliation, the shame.

All that I have so often said must seem now to be nothing but empty words--all that I have done myself must seem of no account--and this without its being my fault! For it is your fault! I thought, too, that I knew something about life; but there was more for me to learn! I see that you wanted me to give way to such an extent that I should end by acquiescing in it. I understand now, for the first time, what your teaching meant--and the things that you invoked mother and heaven to witness. But it is of no use! I can tell you that it is about as much as one can stand, to have the thoughts I have had yesterday--last night--to-day. However, it is once and for all; after this, nothing can ever take me by surprise again. To think that any man could have the heart to let his child have such an experience!

Mrs. Riis. Svava--look at your father!

Svava. Yes--but if you think what I am saying now is hard, remember what I said to you before I knew this--no longer ago than yesterday morning.

That will give you some idea of how I believed in you, father--and some idea of what I am feeling now! Oh--!

Riis. Svava!

Svava. You have ruined my home for me! Almost every other hour in it has been corrupted--and I cannot face a future like that.

Riis and Mrs. Riis (together). But, Svava--!

Svava. No, I cannot! My faith in you is destroyed--so that I can never think of this as a home again. It makes me feel as if I were merely living with you as a lodger--from yesterday onwards, merely a lodger in the house.

Riis. Don't say that! My child!

Svava. Yes, I am your child. It only needed you to say it like that, for me to feel it deeply. To think of all the experiences we two have had together--all the happy times we have had on our travels, in our amus.e.m.e.nts--and then to think that I can never look back on them again, never take them up again! That is why I cannot stay here.

Riis. You cannot stay here!

Svava. It would remind me of everything too painfully. I should see everything in a distorted light.

Mrs. Riis. But you will see that you cannot bear to go away, either!

Riis. But--I can go!

Mrs Riis. You?

Riis. Yes, and your mother and you stay here?--Oh, Svava--!

Svava. No, I cannot accept that--come what may!

Riis. Do not say any more! Svava, I entreat you! Do not make me too utterly miserable! Remember that never, until to-day--I never thought to make you--. If you cannot bear to be with me any more--if you cannot--then let me go away! It is I that am to blame, I know. Listen, Svava! It must be I, not you! You must stay here!