Part 8 (1/2)
or you, Miss Gristilarkask? What! n.o.body know what this fudge can be?”
It engrossed for several days the chit-chat of the whole empire. Fudge, fudge, fudge, resounded in all companies and in all places, from the rising until the setting of the sun; and even at night, when gentle sleep refreshed the rest of mortals, the ladies of all that country were dreaming of fudge!
”Upon my honour,” said Kitty, as she was adjusting her modesty piece before the gla.s.s, just after getting out of bed, ”there is scarce anything I would not give to know what this fudge can be.” ”La! my dear,” replied Miss Killnariska, ”I have been dreaming the whole night of nothing but fudge; I thought my lover kissed my hand, and pressed it to his bosom, while I, frowning, endeavoured to wrest it from him: that he kneeled at my feet. No, never, never will I look at you, cried I, till you tell me what this fudge can be, or get me some of it. Begone!
cried I, with all the dignity of offended beauty, majesty, and a tragic queen. Begone! never see me more, or bring me this delicious fudge. He swore, on the honour of a knight, that he would wander o'er the world, encounter every danger, perish in the attempt, or satisfy the angel of his soul.”
The chiefs and n.o.bility of the nation, when they met together to drink their kava, spoke of nothing but fudge. Men, women, and children all, all talked of nothing but fudge. 'Twas a fury of curiosity, one general ferment, and universal fever--nothing but fudge could allay it.
But in one respect they all agreed, that government must have had some interested view, in giving such positive orders to preserve it, and keep it from the natives of the country. Pet.i.tions were addressed to me from all quarters, from every corporation and body of men in the whole empire. The majority of the people instructed their const.i.tuents, and the parliament presented a pet.i.tion, praying that I would be pleased to take the state of the nation under consideration, and give orders to satisfy the people, or the most dreadful consequences were to be apprehended. To these requests, at the entreaty of my council, I made no reply, or at best but unsatisfactory answers. Curiosity was on the rack; they forgot to lampoon the government, so engaged were they about the fudge. The great a.s.sembly of the states could think of nothing else.
Instead of enacting laws for the regulation of the people, instead of consulting what should seem most wise, most excellent, they could think, talk, and harangue of nothing but fudge. In vain did the Speaker call to order; the more checks they got the more extravagant and inquisitive they were.
In short, the populace in many places rose in the most outrageous and tumultuous manner, forced open the granaries in all places in one day, and triumphantly distributed the fudge through the whole empire.
Whether on account of the longing, the great curiosity, imagination, or the disposition of the people, I cannot say--but they found it infinitely to their taste; 'twas intoxication of joy, satisfaction, and applause.
Finding how much they liked this fudge, I procured another quant.i.ty from England, much greater than the former, and cautiously bestowed it over all the kingdom. Thus were the affections of the people regained; and they, from hence, began to venerate, applaud, and admire my government more than ever. The following ode was performed at the castle, in the most superb style, and universally admired:--
ODE.
Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog, And trump'ts high chiming anthrophog, Come sing blithe choral all in _og_, Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!
Great and superb appears thy cap sublime, Admired and wors.h.i.+pp'd as the rising sun; Solemn, majestic, wise, like h.o.a.ry Time, And fam'd alike for virtue, sense, and fun.
Then swell the n.o.ble strain with song, And elegance divine, While G.o.ddesses around shall throng, And all the muses nine.
And bulls, and crickets, and Gog, Magog, And trumpets chiming anthrophog, Shall sing blithe choral all in _og_, Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!
This piece of poetry was much applauded, admired, and _encored_ in every public a.s.sembly, celebrated as an astonis.h.i.+ng effort of genius; and the music, composed by Minheer Gastrashbark Gkrghhbarwskhk, was thought equal to the sense!--Never was there anything so universally admired, the summit of the most exquisite wit, the keenest praise, the most excellent music.
”Upon my honour, and the faith I owe my love,” said I, ”music may be talked of in England, but to possess the very soul of harmony the world should come to the performance of this ode.” Lady Fragrantia was at that moment drumming with her fingers on the edge of her fan, lost in a reverie, thinking she was playing upon----Was it a forte piano?
”No, my dear Fragrantia,” said I, tenderly taking her in my arms while she melted into tears; ”never, never, will I play upon any other----!”
Oh! 'twas divine, to see her like a summer's morning, all blus.h.i.+ng and full of dew!
CHAPTER XXVIII
_The Baron sets all the people of the empire to work to build a bridge from their country to Great Britain--His contrivance to render the arch secure--Orders an inscription to be engraved on the bridge--Returns with all his company, chariot, etc., to England--Surveys the kingdoms and nations under him from the middle of the bridge._
”And now, most n.o.ble Baron,” said the ill.u.s.trious Hilaro Frosticos, ”now is the time to make this people proceed in any business that we find convenient. Take them at this present ferment of the mind, let them not think, but at once set them to work.” In short, the whole nation went heartily to the business, to build an edifice such as was never seen in any other country. I took care to supply them with their favourite kava and fudge, and they worked like horses. The tower of Babylon, which, according to Hermogastricus, was seven miles high, or the Chinese wall, was a mere trifle, in comparison to this stupendous edifice, which was completed in a very short s.p.a.ce of time.
It was of an immense height, far beyond anything that ever had been before erected, and of such gentle ascent, that a regiment of cavalry with a train of cannon could ascend with perfect ease and facility. It seemed like a rainbow in the heavens, the base of which appeared to rise in the centre of Africa, and the other extremity seemed to stoop into great Britain. A most n.o.ble bridge indeed, and a piece of masonry that has outdone Sir Christopher Wren. Wonderful must it have been to form so tremendous an arch, especially as the artists had certain difficulties to labour against which they could not have in the formation of any other arch in the world--I mean, the attraction of the moon and planets: Because the arch was of so great a height, and in some parts so elongated from the earth, as in a great measure to diminish in its gravitation to the centre of our globe; or rather, seemed more easily operated upon by the attraction of the planets: So that the stones of the arch, one would think, at certain times, were ready to fall _up_ to the moon, and at other times to fall down to the earth. But as the former was more to be dreaded, I secured stability to the fabric by a very curious contrivance: I ordered the architects to get the heads of some hundred numbskulls and blockheads, and fix them to the interior surface of the arch, at certain intervals, all the whole length, by which means the arch was held together firm, and its inclination to the earth eternally established; because of all the things in the world, the skulls of these kind of animals have a strange facility of tending to the centre of the earth.
The building being completed, I caused an inscription to be engraved in the most magnificent style upon the summit of the arch, in letters so great and luminous, that all vessels sailing to the East or West Indies might read them distinct in the heavens, like the motto of Constantine.
KARDOL BAGARLAN KAI TON FARINGO SARGAI RA