Part 1 (1/2)

The Third And Last Part Of Conny-Catching. (1592).

by R. G.

TO ALL SVCH AS HAVE receiued either pleasure or profite by the two former published bookes of this Argument: And to all beside, that desire to know the wonderfull slie deuises of this h.e.l.lish crew of Conny-catchers.

[Ill.u.s.tration: I]

In the time of king Henrie the fourth, as our English Chronicles haue kept in remembrance, liued diuerse st.u.r.die and loose companions in sundrie places about the Citie of London, who gaue themselues to no good course of life, but because the time was somewhat troublesome, watched diligently, when by the least occasion of mutinie offered, they might praie vppon the goods of honest Citizens, and so by their spoyle inrich themselues. At that time liued likewise a worthie Gentleman, whose many verie famius deeds (wherof I am sorie I may here make no rehearsal, because neither time nor occasion will permitte me) renowne his name to all ensuing posterities: he, being called sir _Richard Whittington_, the founder of Whittington Colledge in London, and one that bare the office of Lord Maior of this Citie three seuerall times. This worthie man wel noting the dangerous disposition of that idle kinde of people, tooke such good and discreete order (after hee had sent diuers of them to serue in the kings warres, and they loath to doe so well returned to their former vomite) that in no place of or about London they might haue lodging, or entertainment, except they applied themselues to such honest trades and exercises, as might witnesse their maintaining was by true and honest meanes. If any to the contrarie were founde, they were in iustice so sharply proceeded against, as the most hurtfull and dangerous enemies to the commonwealth.

In this quiet and most blissefull time of peace, when all men (in course of life) should shew themselves most thankfull for so great a benefit, this famous citie is pestered with the like, or rather worse kinde of people, that beare outward shew of ciuill, honest, and gentlemanlike disposition, but in very deed their behauiour is most infamous to be spoken of. And as now by their close villanies they cheate, cosen, prig, lift, nippe, and such like tricks now vsed in their _Conie-catching_ Trade, to the hurt and vndoing of many an honest Citizen, and other: So if G.o.d should in iustice be angrie with vs, as our wickednesse hath well deserued, and (as the Lorde forsend) our peace should be molested as in former time, euen as they did, so will these be the first in seeking domesticall spoile and ruine: yea so they may haue it, it skilles not how they come by it. G.o.d raise such another as was worthie _Whittington_, that in time may bridle the headstrong course of this h.e.l.lish crew, and force them liue as becommeth honest subiects, or els to abide the rewarde of their loosenesse.

By reading this little tratise ensuing, you shall see to what marueilous subtil pollicies these deceiuers have atteyned, and how daylie they practise strange driftes for their purpose. I say no more, but if all these forewarnings may be regarded, to the beneft of the well minded, and iust controll of these carelesse wretches, it is all I desire, and no more then I hope to see.

Yours in all he may

R. G.

[Ill.u.s.tration: ]

The third and last part of Conny-catching with the new deuifed knauish Arte of Fooletaking.

Being by chance inuited to supper, where were present diuers, both of wors.h.i.+p an good accompt, as occasion serued for entercourse of talke, the present treacheries and wicked deuises of the world was called in question. Amongst other most hatefull and wel worthie reprebension, the woondrous villanies of loose and lewde persons, that beare the shape of men, yet are monsters in condition, was specially remembred, and not onely they, but their complices, their confederates, their base natured women and close compacters were noted: Namely, such as tearme themselues Conny-catchers, Crosse-biters, with their appertaining names to their seueral coosening qualities, as already is made knowne to the world, by two seuerall imprinted books, by means whereof, the present kinde of conference was occasioned. Quoth a Gentleman sitting at the Table, whose deepe step into age deciphered his experience, and whose grauitie in speeche reported his discretion, quoth hee, by the two published bookes of Cony-catching: I have seene divers thinges whereof I was before ignorant, not withstanding had I beene acquainted with the author: I could haue giuen him such notes of notorious matters that way intending, as in neither of the pamphlets are the like set downe. Beside, they are so necessarie to be knowne, as they will both forearme any man against such trecherous vipers, and forewarne the simpler sort from conuersing with them. The Gentleman being knowne to be within commission of the peace, and that what he spake of either came to him by examinations, or by riding in the circuits as other like officers do: was intreated by one man aboue the rest (as his leisure serued him) to acquaint him with those notes, and he would so bring it to pa.s.se, as the writer of the other two bookes, should haue the sight of them, and if theyr quant.i.tie would serue, that he should publish them as a third, and more necessary part then the former were. The Gentleman replied al such notes as I speake, are not of mine owne knowledge, yet from such men haue I receiued them, as I dare a.s.sure their truth: and but that by naming men wronged by such mates, more displeasure would ensue then were expedient, I could set downe both time, place, and parties. But the certaintie shal suffice without any such offence. As for such as that see their iniuries discouered, and (biting the lip) say to themselues, thus was I made a Conny: their names being shadowed, they haue no cause of anger, in that the example of their honest simplicitie beguiled, may s.h.i.+eld a number more endangered from tasting the like. And seeing you haue promised to make them knowne to the author of the former two Bookes, you shall the sooner obtaine your request: a.s.suring him thus much vpon my credit & honestie, that no one vntrueth is in the notes, but euerie one credible, and to be iustified if need serue. Within a fortnight or thereabout afterward, the Gentleman performed his promise, in seuerall papers sent the notes, which here are in our book compiled together when thou hast read, say, if euer thou heardest more notable villanies discouered. And if thou or thy friends receiue any good by this, as it cannot be but they will make a number more carefull of themselues: thanke the honest Gentleman for his notes, and the writer that published both the other and these, for generall example.

A pleasant tale howe an honest substantiall Citizen was made a Connie, and simplie entertained a knaue that carried awaie his goods verie politickly.

What laws are used among this helish crew, what words and termes they give themselves and their copesmates, are at large set downe in the former two Bookes: let it suffise yee then in this, to read the simple true discourses of such as have by extraordinary cunning and treachery beene deceived, and remembering their subtle meanes there, and slye practises here, be prepared against the reaches of any such companions.

Not long since, a crew of Conny-catchers meeting togither, and in conference, laying downe such courses as they severally should take, to shunne suspect, and returne a common benfit among them: the Carders received their charge, the Dicers theirs, the hangers about the court theirs, the followers of Sermons theirs and so the rest to their offices. But one of them especiallie, who at their woonted meetings, when reporte was made howe every purchase was gotten, and by what pollycie each one prevailed: this fellowe in a kinde of priding scorne, would usually say.

In faithe Maisters these thinges are prettily done, common sleyghts, expressing no deepe reache of witte, and I woonder men are so simple to bee so beguiled. I would fayne see some rare and artificiall feate indeede, that some admiration and fame might insue the dooing thereof: I promise yee, I disdayne these base and pettie paltries, and may my fortune iumpe with my resolution, yee shall heare my boyes with in a day or two, that I will accomplish a rare stratagem indeed, of more value then fortie of yours, and when it is done shall carry some credit with it. They wondring at his wordes, desired to see the successe of them, & so dispersing themselves as they were accustomed, left this frollicke fellow pondering on his affaires. A Cittizens house in London, which hee had diligently eyed & aymed at for a fortnights s.p.a.ce, was the place wherein he must performe this exploit, and having learned one of the servant maides name of the house, as also where shee was borne and her kindred. Upon a sonday in the afternone, when it was her turne to attend on her maister and mistres to the garden in Finsbury fields, to regard the children while they sported about, this craftie mate having dulie watched their comming forth, and seeing that they intended to goe downe S. Laurence lane, stepped before them, ever casting an eye back, least they should turne some contrarie way: but their following still fitting his owne desire, neere unto the Conduit in Aldermanbury, he crossed the way and came unto the maid, and kissing her sayd. Coosen Margeret, I am verye glad to see you well, my unckle your father, and all your friends in the Countrey are in good health G.o.d be praised. The Maide hearing herselfe named, and not knowing the man, modestly blushed, which hee perceiving, held way on with her amongst her fellow apprentices, and thus began againe. I see Coosen you knowe mee not, and I doe not greatlie blame you, it is so long since you came foorth of the Countrey, but I am such a ones sonne, naming her Uncle right, and his sonnes name, which she very well remembred, but had not seene him in eleven yeares. Then taking foorth a bowed groat, and an olde pennie bowed, he gave it her as being sent from her Uncle and Aunt, whome hee tearmed to bee his father and mother: Withall (quoth he) I have a Gammon of bacon and a Cheese from my Uncle your Father, which are sent to your Maister and Mistresse, which I received of the Carrier, because my Uncle enioyned me to deliver them, when I must intreat your mistres, that at Whitsontide next shee will give you leave to come downe into the Countrey. The Maide thinking simplie all hee said was true, and as they so farre from their parents, are not onely glad to heare of their welfare, but also rejoyce to see any of their kindred: so this this poor Maid, wel knowing her Uncle had a sonne so named as he called himself, and thinking from a boy (as he was at her leaving the Countrey) he was now growne such a proper handsome young man, was not a little joyful to see him: beside, shee seemed proud, that her kinsman was so neat a youth, and so shee held on questioning with him about her friends: hee soothing each matter so cunningly, as the maide was confidently perswaded of him. In this time, one of the children stepped to her mother and said, Our Marget (mother) hath a fine coosen come out of the Country, and he hath a Cheese for my Father and you: whereon shee looking backe, said: Maide, is that your kinsman? yes forsooth mistresse quoth shee, my Uncles sonne, whome I left a little one when I came forth of the countrey.

The wilye Treacher, beeing maister of his trade, would not let slippe this opportunitie, but courteouslie stepping to the Mistresse (who loving her maid wel, because indeed shee had been a very good servant, and from her first comming to London had dwelt with her, tould her husband therof) coyned such a smooth tale unto them both, fronting it with the Gammon of Bacon and the Cheese sent from their maides Father, and hoping they would giue her leaue at Whitsontide to visit the countrey, as they with verie kinde words entertained him, inuiting him the next night to supper, when he promised to bring with him the Gammon of Bacon and the Cheese. Then framing an excuse of certaine busines in the town, for that time he tooke his leaue of the Maister and Mistresse, and his new Cosen Margaret, who gave many a looke after him (poore wench) as he went, ioying in her thoughts to haue such a kinsman.

On the morrow hee prepared a good Gammon of bacon, which he closed up in a soiled linnen cloth, and sewed an old card vpon it, whereon he wrote a superscription vnto the Maister of the Maide, and at what signe it was to be deliuered, and afterward sc.r.a.ped some of the letters halfe out, that it might seeme they had bin rubd out in the carriage. A good Cheese he prepared likewise, with inscription accordingly on it, that it could not be discerned, but that some unskilfull writer in the country had done it, both by the grosse proportion of the letters, as also the bad ortographie which amongst plaine husbandmen is verie common, in that they haue no better instruction. So hiring a Porter to carrie them betweene flue and fire in the evening he comes to the cittizens house, and entring the shop, receives them of the Porter, whome the honest meaning Cittizen would have paid for his pains, but this his maids new-found Cosen sayd hee was satisfied alreadie, and so straining courtesse would not permit him: well, vp are carried the Bacon and the Cheese, where G.o.d knowes, Margaret was not a little busse, to haue all things fine and neat against her Cosens comming vp, her Mistresse like wise, (as one well affecting her seruant) had prouided verie good cheere, set all her plate on the Cubboorde for shewe, and beautified the house with Cusheons, carpets, stooles and other deuises of needle worke, as at such times diuers will do, to haue the better report made of their credite amongst their seruants friends in the Country, albeit at this time (G.o.d wot) it turned to theyr owne after-sorrowing. The maister of the house, to delay the time while Supper was readye, hee likewise shewes this dissembler his shop, who seeing things fadge so pat to his purpose, could question of this sort, and that well enougth I warrant you, to discern the best from the worst and their appointed places, purposing a further reache then the honest Cittizen dreamed of: and to bee plaine with ye, such was this occupiers trade, as though I may not name it, yet thus much I dare vtter, that the worst thing he could carry away, was aboue twentie n.o.bles, because hee dealt altogeather in whole and great sale, which made this companion forge this kindred and aquaintance, for an hundred pound or twaine was the very least he aimed at. At length the mistresse sendes word supper is on the Table, where vpon vp hee conducts his guest, and after diuers welcomes, as also thanks for the Cheese and Bacon: To the Table they sit, where let it suffice, hee wanted no ordinarie good fare, wine and other knackes, beside much talke of the Countrey, how much his friends were beholding for his Cosen Margaret, to whome by her mistresse leaue hee dranke twise or thrise, and she poore soule dooing the like againe to him with remembrance of her father and other kindred, which he stil smoothed very cunningly. Countenance of talke made them careles of the time which slipped from them faster then they were aware of, nor did the deceiuer hasten his departing, because he expected what indeed followed, which was, that being past tenne of the clocke, and he feigning his lodging to be at Saint Gyles in the field, was intreated both by the goodman and his wife to take a bed there for that night, for fas.h.i.+on sake (though very glad of this offer) hee said he would not troble them, but giuing them many thanks, would to his lodging though it were further. But wonderfull it was to see how earnest the honest Citizen and his wife laboured to perswade him, that was more willing to staye then they could bee to bid him, and what dissembled willingnesse of departure hee vsed on the other side, to couer the secret villanie intended. Well, at the length with much ado, he is contented to stay, when Margaret and her Mistresse presently stirred to make ready his bed, which the more to the honest mans hard hap, but all the better for this artificial Conny-catcher, was in the same room where they supped, being commonly called their hall, and there indeed stood a verie faire bed, as in such sightly roumes it may easily bee thought, Citizens vse not to haue any thing meane or simple. The mistresse, least her guest should imagine she disturbed him, suffered all the plate to stand still on the cupbord: and when she perceiued his bed was warmed, and euery thing els according to her mind, she and her husband bidding him good night: tooke themselues to their chamber, which was on the same floore but inward, hauing another chamber betweene them and the hall, wherw the maides and children had their lodging. So desiring him to call for any thing hee wanted, and charging Margaret to looke it should bee so, to bed are they gone: when the Apprentises hauing brought vp the keyes of the street dore, & left them in their maisters chamber as they were woont to do, after they had said praiers, their evening exercise, to bed go they likewise, which was in a Garret backward ouer their maisters chamber. None are nowe vp but poore Margaret and her counterfeit coosen, whom she loth to offend with long talke, because it waxed late: after some few more speeches, about their parents and friends in the countrey, she seeing him laid in bed, and all such thinges by him as she deemed needfull, with a low courtesie I warrant ye, commits him to his quiet, and so went to bed to her fellowes the maidseruants.

Well did this hypocrite perceive the keyes of the doores carried into the goodmans chamber, wherof he being not a litle glad, thoght now they would imagine all things sure, and therfore doutlesse sleep the sounder: as for the keyes, he needed no helpe of them, because such as hee go neuer vnprouided of instruments fitting their trade, & so at this time was this notable trecher. In the dead time of the night when sound sleepe makes the eare vnapt to heare the verie least noyse, he forsaketh his bed, & hauing gotten al the plate bound up togither in his cloke, goeth down into the shop, where well remembring both the plate & parcels, maketh vp his pack with some twenty pounds worth of goods more. Then setling to his engin, he getteth the doore off the hinges, and being foorth, lifteth close to againe, and so departs, meeting with in a doozen paces, three or foure of his companions that lurked therabouts for the purpose. Their word for knowing each other, as is said, was Quest, and this villains comfortable newes to them, was Twag, signifiyng hee had sped: ech takes a fleece for easier carriage, and so away to Belbrow, which as I haue heard is as they interpret it, the house of a theefe receiuer, without which they can do nothing, and this house with an apt porter to it, standes ready for them al houres of the night: too many such are there in London, the maisters whereof beare countenance of honest substantiall men, but all their living is gotten in this order, the end of such (though they scape awhile) will be sailing westward in a Cart to Eiborn. Imagine these villanies there in their iollitie, the one porting point by point his cunning deceipt, and the other (fitting his humour) extolling the deede with no meane commendations. But returning to the honest Citizen, who finding in the morning how dearly he paid for a gammon of bacon, and a cheese, and how his kinde courtesie was thus trecherously requited: blames the poore maide, as innocent herein as himselfe, and imprisoning her, thinking so to regaine his owne: griefe with ill cheris.h.i.+ng there shortens her life: And thus ensueth one hard hap upon another, to the great griefe both of maister and mistresse, when the trueth was knowne, that they so wronged their honest servant: how it may forewarne others, I leave to your owne opinions, that see what extraordinarie devises are now avayed, to beguile the simple and honest liberall minded.

Of a notable knave, who for his cunning deceiving a gentleman of his purse: scorned the name of a Conny-catcher, and would needs be termed a Foole-taker, as maister and beginner Of that new found Arte.

A Crew of these wicked companions, being one day met togither in Pauls Church (as that is a usual place of their a.s.semblie, both to determin on their drifts, as also to speed of many a bootie) seeing no likelihood of a good afternoone, so they tearme it either fore-noone or after, when ought is to be done: some dispersed themselves to the plaies, other to the bowling allies and not past two or three stayed in the Church. Quoth on of them, I have vowed not to depart, but something or other Ile haue before I go: my minde giues me, that this place yet will yeelde us all our suppers this night, the other holding like opinion with him, there likewise walked vp and downe, looking when occasion would serue for some Cash. At length they espyed a Gentleman towarde the lawe entring in at the little North doore, and a countrey Clyent going with him in verye hard talke, the Gentleman holding his gowne open with his armes on eyther side as very manie doe, gaue sight of a faire purple velvet purse, which was halfe put vnder his girdle: which I warrant you the resolute fellow that would not depart without some thing, had quicklye espyed. A game, quote hee to his fellows, marke the stand, and so separating themselves walked aloofe, the Gentleman going to the nether steppe of the staires that ascend vp into the Quire, and there he walked still with his client. Oft this crew of mates met together, and said there was no hope of nipping the bong because he held open his gowne so wide, and walked in such an open place. Base knaves, quoth the frolik fellowe, if I say I will have it, I must have it, though hee that owes it had sworne the contrarie. Then looking aside, hee spyed his trugge or queane comming vppe the Church: away, quoth hee to the other, go looke you for some other purchase, this wench and I are suffient for this. They goe, he lessons the drab in this sort, that shee should to the Gentleman, whose name shee verye well knew, in that shee had holpe to coosen him once before, & pretending to be sent to him from one he was well acquainted with for his councell should give him his fee for auoiding suspition, & so frame some wrong done hir as well inough she could: when her mate (taking occasion as it serued) would woorke the meane, shee should strike, & so they both prevaile. The queane well inured with such courses, because she was one of the most skilful in that profession, walked up and downe alone in the Gentlemans sight, that he might discerne shee stayed to speake with him, and as he turned toward her, hee saw her take money out of her purse, whereby hee gathered some benefite was toward him: which made him the sooner dispatch his other clyent, when shee stepping to him, told such a tale of commendations from his verie friend, that had sent her to him as she said, that hee entertained her very kindly, and giving him his fee, which before her face he put up into his purse, and thrust under his girdle againe: she proceeded to a very sound discourse, whereto he listened with no little attention. The time serving fit for the fellows purpose, he came behind the Gentleman, and as many times one friend wil familiarly with another, clap his hands over his eyes to make him guesse who he is, so did this companion, holding his hands fast over the Gentlemans eyes, sayde: who am I: twise or thrise, in which time the drab had gotten the purse and put it up. The Gentleman thinking it had been some merrie friend of his, reckoned the names of three or foure, when letting him go, the crafty knave dissembling a bashful shame of what he had done, said: By my troth sir I crie ye mercy, as I came in at the Church doore, I took ye for such a one (naming a man) a verie friend of mine, whome you very much resemble: I beseech ye be not angrie, it was verie boldlye done of me, but in penance of my fault, so please yee to accept it, I will bestow a gallon or two of Wine on yee, and so laboured him earnestly to go with him to the taverne, stil alledging his sorow for mistaking him. The Gentleman little suspecting how who am I had handled him, seeing how sorie he was, and seeming to be a man of no such base condition: tooke all in good part, saying: No harme sir, to take one for another, a fault wherein any man may easily erre, and so excusing the acceptation of his wine, because he was busie there with a gentlewoman his friend: the trecher with courtesie departed, & the drab (having what shee would) shortning her tale, hee desiring her to come to his Chamber the next morning, went to the place where her copes-mate and she met, and not long after, divers other of the crue, who bearing in what manner this act was performed, smiled a good therat, that she had both got the Gentlemans purse, her owne money againe, and his advise for iust nothing. He that had done this tall exploit, in a place so open in view, so hardly to be come by, & on a man that made no meane esteem of his wit: bids his fellowes keepe the worthles name of a Conny-catcher to themselves: for he hence-foorth would bee termed a Foole-taker, and such as could imitate this quaint example of his, (which he would set down as an entrance into that art) should not thinke scorne to become his schollers.

Night drawing on apace, the Gentleman returned home, not al this while missing his purse, but being set at supper, his wife intreated a pint of Sack, which hee minding to send for: drewe to his purse, and seeing it gone, what strange lookes (beside sighs) were betweene him and his wife. I leave to your supposing, and blame them not: for as I have heard, there was seven pound in gold, beside thirtie s.h.i.+llings and od white money in the purse. But in the middle of his griefe, hee remembred him that said, who am I: Wherewith hee brake foorth into a great laughter, the cause whereof his wife beeing desirous to know, he declared all that pa.s.sed between him and the deceiuer, as also how sone afterward the queane abreuiated her discourse and followed: so in troth wife (quoth he) betweene who am I and the drab, my purse is gone: let his lesse teach others to looke better to theirs.

An other Tale of a coosening companion, who would needs trie his cunning in this new inuentcd arte, and how by his knauerie (at one instant) he beguiled halfe a dozen and more.

Of late time there hath a certaine base kinde of trade beene vsed, who though diuers poore men, and doubtles honest, apply themselues onely to relieue their need: yet are there some notorious varlets do the same, being compacted with such kinde of people, as this present treatise manifesteth to the world, and what with outward simplicity on the one side, and cunning close treachery on the other, diuers honest Cittizens and day-labouring men, that resort to such places as I am to speake of, onely for recreation as opportunitie serueth, haue beene of late sundry times deceyued of their purses. This trade, or rather vnsufferable loytring qualitie, in singing of Ballets, and songs at the doores of such houses where playes are vsed, as also in open markets and other places of this Cittie, where is most resort: which is nothing els but a slie fetch to draw many together, who listning vnto an harmelesse dittie, afterwarde walke home to their houses with heauie hearts: from such as are heereof true witnesses to their cost, doo I deliuer this example. A subtill fellow, belike imboldned by acquaintance with the former deceit, or els being but a beginner to practise the same, calling certain of his companions together, would try whether he could attaine to be maister of his art or no, by taking a great many of fools with one traine: but let his intent and what els beside, remaine to abide the censure after the mater is heard, and come to Gratious street, where this villanous pranke was performed. A roging mate, & such another with them were there got vpon a stal singing of balets, which belike was some prety toy, for very many gathered about to heare it, & divers buying, as their affections serued, drew to their purses, & paid the singers for them. The slie mate and his fellowes, who were dispersed among them that stood to hear the songs well noted where euerie man that bought, put up his purse againe, and to such as would not buy, counterfeit warning was sundrie times giuen by the roge and his a.s.sociate, to beware of the cut-purse, & take to their purses, which made them often feel where their purses were, either in sleeue, hose, or at girdle, to know whether they were safe or no. Thus the crafty copesmates were acquainted with what they most desired, and as they were scatred by shouldring, thrusting, feining to let fall somthing, and other wilie tricks fit for their purporse: heere one lost his purse, there another had his pocket pickt, & to say all in briefe, at one instant, vpon the complaint of one or two that saw their purses were gone, eight more in the same companie, found themselues in like predicament. Some angrie, others sorrowfull, and all greatly discontented, looking about them, knewe not who to suspect or challenge, in that the villaines themselues that had thus beguiled them, made shew that they had sustained like losse. But one angry fellow, more impacient then all the rest, he falls vpon the ballad singer, and beating him with his fists well favouredly, sayes, if he had not listned his singing, he had not lost his purse, and therefore would not be otherwise perswaded, but that they two and the cutpurses were compacted together. The rest that had lost their purses likewise, & saw that so many complaine togither: they iump in opinion with the other fellow, & begin to tug & hale the ballad singers when one after one, the false knaves began to shrink away with the purses, by means of some officer then being there present, the two Roges were had before a iustice, and upon his discreete examination made, it was found, that they and the cut-purses were compacted together, and that by this unsuspected villanie, they had deceived many. The one Foole-taker himself, with one or two more of that companie, was not long after apprehended: when I doubt not but they had their reward answerable to their deseruing: for I heare of their iorney westward, but not of their returne: let this forewarne those that listen singing in the streets.

Of a craftie mate, that brought two young men vnto a Tauerne, where departing with a Cup, hee left them to pay both for the wine and Cup.