Part 77 (1/2)
”You forget that I have dear friends living there.”
”Dear friends! Yes; Miss Todd, I suppose. I think we may as well leave Miss Todd alone. At the present moment, I am particularly anxious that you should be attentive to your grandfather.”
”But I have never been in the habit of staying at Hadley.”
”Then the sooner you get into the habit the better.”
”I cannot think why you should wish me to trouble an old man who would not have the slightest pleasure in seeing me.”
”That is all nonsense. If you behaved well to him, he would have pleasure. Do you ever write to him?”
”Never.”
”Write to him to-day then, and ask whether he would be glad to have you.”
Caroline did not answer her husband immediately, but went on b.u.t.tering her toast, and sipping her tea. She had never yet disobeyed any positive order that he had given, and she was now thinking whether she could obey this order; or, if not, how she would explain to him that she could not do so.
”Well!” said he; ”why do you not answer me? Will you write to him to-day?”
”I had much rather not.”
”Does that mean that you won't?”
”I fear, Sir Henry, that it must mean it. I have not been on terms with my grandfather which would admit of my doing so.”
”Nonsense!” said her lord and master.
”You are not very civil to me this morning.”
”How can a man be civil when he hears such trash as that? You know how I am situated--how great the stake is; and you will do nothing to help me win it.” To this she made no answer. Of what use would it be for her to answer? She also had thrown away her pearl, and taken in exchange this piece of bra.s.s. There was nothing for her, too, but to bear her misery.
”Upon my word, you take it all very coolly,” he continued; ”you seem to think that houses, and furniture, and carriages, and horses are to grow up all round you without any effort on your own part. Does it ever strike you that these things cost money?”
”I will give them all up to-morrow if you wish it.”
”That you know is nonsense.”
”It was your doing to surround me with these things, and your reproach is not just. Nay, it is not manly.”
”A woman's idea of manliness is very extended. You expect to get everything, and to do nothing. You talk of justice! Do you not know that when I married you, I looked to your uncle's fortune?”
”Certainly not: had I known it, I should have told you how vain I believed any such hope to be.”
”Then, why on earth--?” But he refrained from finis.h.i.+ng his question.
Even he could not bring himself to tell her that he had married her with no other view. He merely slammed the door behind him as he left the room. Yes; she had certainly thrown her pearl away. What a life was this to which she had doomed herself! what treatment was this for that Caroline Waddington, who had determined to win the world and wear it! She had given herself to a brute, who had taken her only because she might perhaps be the heiress of a rich old man.
And then she thought of that lost pearl. How could she do other than think of it? She thought of what her life would have been had she bravely committed herself to his hands, fearing nothing, trusting everything. She remembered his energy during those happy days in which he had looked forward to an early marriage. She remembered his tenderness of manner, the natural gallantry of his heart, the loving look of his bold eye; and then she thought of her husband.
Yes, she thought of him long and wildly. And as she did so, the indifference with which she had regarded him grew into hatred. She shuddered as her imagination made that frightful contrast between the picture which her eyes would have so loved to look on if it were only lawful, and that other picture to look on which was her legal doom.
Her brow grew wildly black as she thought of his caresses, his love, which were more hateful to her even than his coa.r.s.e ill-humour. She thought of all this; and, as she did so, she asked herself that question which comes first to the mind of all creatures when in misery: Is there no means of release; no way of escape? was her bark utterly ruined, and for ever?