Volume I Part 12 (1/2)
As they spoke, M'Garry entered, his head freshly bound up, to look as genteel as possible amongst the gentlemen with whom he was to have the honour of dining. His wife had suggested a pink ribbon, but M'Garry, while he acknowledged his wife's superior taste, said black would look more professional. The odd fellows to whom he had now committed himself, crowded round him, and, in the most exaggerated phrases, implied the high sense they entertained of _his_ wrongs and O'Grady's aggression.
”Unprovoked attack!” cried one.
”Savage ruffian!” e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed another.
”What atrocity!” said a third.
”What dignified composure!” added a fourth, in an audible whisper, meant for M'Garry's ear.
”Gentlemen!” said the apothecary, flurried at the extreme attention of which he became the object; ”I beg to a.s.sure you I am deeply--that is--this proof of--of--of--of symptoms--gentlemen--I mean sympathy, gentlemen--in short, I really----”
”The fact is,” said Growling, ”I see Mr. M'Garry is rather shaken in nerve--whether from loss of blood or----”
”I have lost a quant.i.ty of blood, doctor,” said M'Garry; ”much vascular, to say nothing of extra-vasated.”
”Which, I'll state in my case,” said Murphy.
”Murphy, don't interrupt,” said Growling, who, with a very grave face, recommenced: ”Gentlemen, from the cause already stated, I see Mr.
M'Garry is not prepared to answer the out-pouring of feeling with which you have greeted him, and if I might be permitted----”
Every one shouted, ”Certainly--certainly!”
”Then as I am permitted, I _will_ venture to respond _for_ Mr. M'Garry, and address you, as he _would_ address you. In the words of Mr.
M'Garry, I would say--Gentlemen--unaccustomed as I am”--Some smothered laughter followed this beginning; upon which the doctor, with a mock gravity, proceeded--
”Gentlemen, this interruption I consider to be an infringement on the liberty of the subject. I recommence, therefore, in the words of my honourable and wounded friend, and our honourable and wounded feelings, and say, as my friend would say, or, to speak cla.s.sically, M'Garry _loquitur_”--
The apothecary bowed his head to the bit of Latin, and the doctor continued--
”Gentlemen--unaccustomed to public thras.h.i.+ng, you can conceive what my feelings are at the present moment, in mind and body. [_Bravo_!] You behold an outrage [_much confusion_]! Shall an exaggerated savagery like this escape punishment, and 'the calm, sequestered vale' (as the poet calls it) of private life be ravaged with impunity? [_Bravo, bravo!_] Are the learned professions to be trampled under foot by barbarian ignorance and brutality? No; I read in the indignant looks of my auditory their high-souled answers. Gentlemen, your sympathy is better than diachylon to my wounds, and this is the proudest day of my life.”
Thunders of applause followed the doctor's address, and every one shook M'Garry's hand, till his bruised bones ached again. Questions poured upon him from all sides as to the nature and quant.i.ty of his drubbing, to all of which M'Garry innocently answered in terms of exaggeration, spiced with scientific phrases. Muscles, tendons, bones, and sinews, were particularised with the precision of an anatomical demonstration; he swore he was pulverised, and paralysed, and all the other lies he could think of.
”A large stick you say?” said Murphy.
”Sir! I never saw such a stick--'t was like a weaver's beam!”
”I'll make a note of that,” said Murphy. ”A weaver's beam--'t will tell well with a jury.”
”And beat you all over?” said Durfy.
”From shoulder to flank, sir, I am one ma.s.s of welts and weals; the abrasures are extensive, the bruises terrific, particularly in the lumbar region.”
”What's that,” asked Jack Horan.
”The lumbar region is what is commonly called the loins, sir.”
”Not always,” said the doctor. ”It varies in different subjects: I have known some people whose _lumber_ region lay in the head.”