Vol 1 Chapter 16 (1/2)

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Chapter 16

“Captain, who and where is the guy that made s.h.i.+ek cry? Please tell me, or I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t beat him b.l.o.o.d.y!”

“…Bloodbath.”

It was the day after we returned to Minerva. I was tired from the work in Dagaz Village, and was sleeping on my bed at the inn when Duke and Hapyneth suddenly burst in through the door to visit.

With the door making a sudden sound, I jumped to my feet. Word traveled to them way too fast.

“Hey, chill out guys! …Where did you even hear about that?”

“We already knew s.h.i.+ek had gone out on a job, so Hapyneth and I were going to welcome him home with a party for a job well done. But yesterday when I called out to him, his expression was dark, and I heard the whole story from him directly.”

Come to think of it, s.h.i.+ek had disappeared at some point after we got home yesterday.

It happened when I was negotiating with the old man running the inn about putting the gargoyle, disguised as a Buddha Statue, into my room.

Moreover, a party for a job well done? Why those little…why was I the only one not invited…?

Didn’t I always do my best on my jobs? Granted, even if they invited me I wouldn’t have been able to go, since I was negotiating late into the night with the old man at the inn, but still!

“Rest a.s.sured, you guys, I took care of the a.s.shole that made s.h.i.+ek cry. Broke both his legs and an arm, and tossed him into the river.”

After I told them about my revenge on Mirror, both Duke and Hapyneth shook their heads and had an expressions of ‘good grief’ on their faces. Was it something I said?

“Tsk tsk tsk, you were too soft on him, Captain. If it were me, I would have ground all his bones into dust, then put a weight on him and dropped him into the ocean.”

“…Laceration.”

Isn’t that a little harsh, you guys?

…Well, when you think about what Mirror did, that might have been the way to go about it.

Still, right now he was floating down the middle of a river somewhere. In the first place, he might not even still be alive, so it was fine.

“Anyway, I took him down, so everything’s all right. …The real question here is, why aren’t you two at work?”

Duke was always suited up in his armor so it was harder to tell with him, but Hapyneth was still in her maid uniform. And it was still too early for it to be their lunch break, so these two were probably…

“No problems here. I’ll be getting back soon enough.”

“…Unconcerned.”

“No problem my a.s.s! You both blew off work to come here, didn’t you?! Go back, right now!”

If Raven or Sophia-san caught wind of this it would be unacceptable. And what am I gonna do if I get dragged into it?

“But Captain, y’know s.h.i.+ek right now, no matter what we say, he’s not feeling any better! Aren’t you worried?!”

“…Agreement.”

“Yeah…”

I see, so that’s what this is all about. I folded my arms as I went into thought. If even these two couldn’t cheer him up, I had no choice but to ask Celia-san. Even if I didn’t ask, she would probably help s.h.i.+ek, that’s just how she was.

“Let’s leave this matter to Celia-san. s.h.i.+ek is already over there anyway.”

“Is that so? We weren’t able to help, but maybe if it’s Celia-san, she’ll be able to comfort him.”

“…Hopeful.”

They both agreed with me. Maybe now they’d get back to work.

“Oh right, Captain? I’ve been meaning to ask since I g

ot here, but…what isthat?”

Duke pointed at the gargoyle’s big Buddha statue form. I wondered if I should tell them the whole story behind it. And just as I was mulling it over…

“I gotta say, it’s b.u.t.t-ugly. What garbage pile did you pick it up from? It doesn’t match the room, and frankly, it’s in the way. You should toss it back in the garbage heap.”

“…Agreed.”

I couldn’t get a word in edgewise as they continued their trash talking. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the Buddha-guised gargoyle shaking slightly. He was obviously listening in.

“You really need to toss this thing. I can’t even imagine what was going through someone’s head when they were making this.”

“…Garbage.”

“Silence you fools! Running your mouths off like that… I’ll have you know I have not a.s.sumed this form of my own volition!!”

Even the gargoyle had a limit for the verbal abuse he could take, and understandably blew his top when it was surpa.s.sed.

Maybe it was because the Buddha statue suddenly began to speak, but they were both instantly surprised, then quickly recovered. Duke drew his sword from his scabbard, and Hapyneth began to cast a spell.

Sensing the danger emanating from their quick reaction, the gargoyle busted out of the Buddha’s body, revealing his true form.

The situation quickly turned critical, but I’d be in trouble if they broke out into a fight here, so I stepped in to stop them.

“Chill out! Don’t go wild in the room; who do you think has to pay for repairs if anything gets damaged?! All of you sit! Then explanations.”

I reprimanded all three of them, then explained the gargoyle’s circ.u.mstances to Hapyneth and Duke.

“Heeeeh, is that right? My bad, drawing my sword on you. I’m called the Duke of Dullahan, nice to meet you. And this is Hapyneth, a Harpy. She’s a bit short on words, but she’s a good girl. I hope you’ll both get along.”

“…Well met.”

“Hrhmm…So you’re the brat’s friends…I am but a mere gargoyle. I have no name. A pleasure to meet you.”

“It’s gonna make it hard to address you with no name. I wonder if we could give you some kind of nickname…”

“…Guy.”

“Ooo, that’s sounds cool, doesn’t it? Guy…it gives off a strong and manly feeling.”

“Hmph…Call me what you will.”

“…Established.”

Thank goodness…no one went wild in the room. And it looks like they’ll all get along well. In this short time their friends.h.i.+p even progressed to the stage of using nicknames. Even I thought calling him just “gargoyle” was a mouthful. I wondered if it’d be okay for me to call him “Guy” too.

“But still, to think your disguise was Captain’s fault…I wouldn’t have been able to stand looking like that.”

“…Lame.”

“I, myself, had actually thought the same, but in order to blend in with the humans, I had little choice…”

And just as they were getting along happily, they then all started to bash my Big Buddha masterpiece. So I joined in and ‘happily’ gave them a piece of my mind.

“…You’d better knock that s.h.i.+t off now, you little b.a.s.t.a.r.ds.”

In the end, I snapped, and the room turned into a warzone. After causing a ruckus for a while, there was a knock at the door. Hapyneth and Duke were one thing, but if anyone saw the gargoyle we’d be in deep s.h.i.+t, so I quickly coated him with my earth magic.

As the Big Buddha proved so unpopular, I tried a different statue this time. And just as I finished the door opened.

“It appears I was correct in thinking you’d be here…Hapyneth.”

And it was Sophia-san who’d come to call.

It was clear how angry she was with the vein popping on her forehead. I more or less understood why.

“Yesterday, I believe Cecilia-sama left you in charge of training the new maid, did she not? This is no time to be playing around in a place like this. We’ll be returning to the mansion immediately. Ah, Youki-sama. Please allow me to thank you for accompanying the Young Miss to Dagaz Village. But I must say…I cannot approve of this statue. Now then, we shall take our leave.”

With a beautiful bow she grabbed the runaway Hapyneth by the scruff of her neck, and just like that she was dragged out of the room.

“…So this is where you were.”

This time, entering immediately behind Sophia-san, was Raven.

“Didn’t I tell you yesterday that we were heading out to Dagaz Village today to take the bandits Youki and Miss Aquarain caught into custody? We were supposed to depart this morning…but we were waiting on you, Duke. C’mon, let’s get going. Also Youki…when we get the chance, let’s hang out for real next time.”

“Oh…okay, next time then.”

“Next time…then. By the way, I think that statue has got to go. It’s different and all, but I’d definitely recommend getting a new one. …C’mon, let’s go.”

“Captain, we’ll settle this next time!”

Maybe it was to keep him from running away again, but Raven took Duke by the arms like he was taking him in for questioning and left.

“…I guess that’s that.”

“Hey brat…you dirty dog, just what have you done to my body…”

Seeing as to how insults had come from all sides today, the gargoyle was irate. Even I was in shock over the matter. Sure I hadn’t had much time to think of something, but it wasn’t like I had just tossed something together at random!

“The Big Buddha was a big failure last time, so I even went to the trouble of thinking up something cool for this one…”

I thought the Sphinx was amazingly awesome…but for some reason no one else did. I bet it’s all because I was reincarnated from elsewhere, and the inhabitants of this world had different aesthetic tastes, that had to be it.  It looked like I needed to seriously study this world’s fine arts.

“Forget about that though, this room is an absolute mess. At this rate the repair costs are gonna be ridiculous. …I’ve got enough gold on hand, but Ireally wanna go bug Clayman right about now. It’s been a while, but I think I’ll go stop by the guild.”

“Hey, you’re going to leave me looking like this?! Get your b.u.t.t back here, you brat!!”

I ignored the Sphinx-gargoyle and headed out to the Guild to earn some money for the room repairs.

The guild was lively as always; it wasn’t even noon and there were already a few adventurers knockin’ ’em back. And as always, I went right to Clayman’s desk, but…

“Huh?”

Clayman wasn’t there. There was even a little handwritten sign that noted his absence.

Clayman, that sorry sod, he’d always been lazy and troublesome, but now he’d finally entered the realm of skipping work! Could it be, his wife had finally gotten tired of his ways and left him? And that had left him so mentally scarred that he’d had to be admitted to a psychiatric ward?!

“Um~ Pardon me…”

I was off in my own personal La-La Land of delusions when the pretty young receptionist lady that always worked next to Clayman called out to me.

“Oh, sorry about that. I was lost in thought.”

But I didn’t add that the thought had been about one of her coworkers.

“No, it’s fine…you’re the person who always comes in to talk to the a.s.sistant Guildmaster, right?”

And just when did I meet such an influential person of power?

“But the only person I talk to in the guild is Clayman…”

“Isn’t that what I said, the a.s.sistant Guildmaster?”

“……”

It wasn’t just not possible, it was impossible. At work he had 3 requisites: to always be lazy, difficult, and indifferent. The name Clayman was synonymous with “Lazybones”, and he’s the a.s.sistant Guildmaster?!

I didn’t realize this world also had something like April Fool’s day. Surely Clayman was just waiting somewhere to jump out in surprise after writing that little note on his desk.

“Are you alright? You’ve gazed too long into the abyss, please return to reality!”

The female employee had grabbed ahold of my shoulders and was shaking me. After my head bobbled around, I finally regained my senses.

“Oh, sorry. My normal everyday routine has been disrupted in an unimaginable way that I just kinda…”

“Haha…I completely understand.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do.“

“However, although he may complain, he always does do his job well. Whether it’s the reception desk, sorting doc.u.ments, breaking up fights between Adventurers, he can do pretty much anything around the Guild.”

“You certainly wouldn’t know it just looking at the guy.”

“Unfortunately with his usual countenance that’s all too true. But, his hard work speaks for itself.”

“Riiight…”

She had no reason to lie, so it was likely the truth.

Speaking of which, Clayman did say himself that he wasn’t normally a receptionist, didn’t he.

“Even during the Hero’s Parade, as a joke the a.s.sistant Guildmaster said everyone but himself should take a paid holiday to go see it. And when he did, everyone took him seriously, and for three days he managed the Guild all by himself.”

So that was the day I first came to Minerva then. He was grumbling quite a bit to himself about it, but he did do all that work by himself in those following days.

Even with all his moaning and groaning he still did his job. And whenever I took on a large amount of quests, he always processed everything perfectly and easily.

“So…just what exactly is this Clayman-who-actually-does-a-good-job-at-work up to today?”

“It has to do with the Guild’s integrity, and is thus not a public matter. However, since you’re good friends with the a.s.sistant Guildmaster, I’m sure it’d be all right to tell you. …Can I trust you not to tell anyone else?”

“No problem.”

For privacy’s sake, I drew my ear close to her mouth.

“The truth is that he and his wife got into a lover’s quarrel. In the end, the a.s.sistant Guildmaster suffered a grievous wound that will take a month to fully heal, and is currently hospitalized and getting medical treatment, and took a leave of absence.”

That was the second time today I’d been left slack jawed. I had a sense ofdéjà vu, but still felt like I should at least go pay him a visit.

“Could I trouble you to give me the details of where Clayman is hospitalized at? I’d like to pay him a visit.”

“Sure, that’s fine. The a.s.sistant Guildmaster is currently being hospitalized in the best treatment facility in Minerva. You can find it at–“

After I finished speaking with the female employee, I found it was only about a 10 minute walk there from the guild. I thanked her for her help, and headed out to Minerva’s best medical clinic.

“…And so, that’s how you came about visiting me?”

“Yep.”

Clayman was sprawled out on a bed in the clinic.

Almost his entire body was covered in bandages, yet he still managed to have that same annoyed look on his face. He certainly didn’t look like a patient sentenced to a month in the hospital. Still, this was all done by his wife, just what kind of monster was she to go this far?

“I heard you got into a fight with your wife. I bet you did something to get on her nerves, didn’t you?”

I mean, this is Clayman we’re talking about. If even at home he doesn’t do housework, is lethargic, and still thinks everything is bothersome, it would definitely incite rage in his wife.

“You’re right about that. It happened on the day of our wedding anniversary.”