Part 32 (1/2)

Till Venus saw a Suffragette Cried she, ”But women should regret A broken gla.s.s!” But then, next minute, ”Poor thing! she saw her image in it!”

WIT ON OCCASION

_Lamb said that the greatest pleasure in life was to do good in secret and be found out by accident_.

”_I suppose” said Lamb, ”that Johnson was thinking of Shakespeare making Hector talk about Aristotle when he says,

And panting Time toils after him in vain_.”

_A clergyman who had several livings was under discussion. ”Why, such fellows look at a cure of souls like a cure of herrings--so much per hundred.”

”Ah, but the herring cures fulfil their contract,” said Jerrold.

He called clerical pluralists_ polypi, _parsons with many stomachs and no hearts_.

_A young prince had just been born and they were firing royal salutes to celebrate the occasion. A bystander exclaimed, ”How they do powder these babies!_”

_In a pompous speech of self-defence the orator wound up by declaring himself the guardian of his own honour. ”What a sinecure!” murmured his opponent._

”_How do you like babies, Mr. Lamb?” cried the gus.h.i.+ng mother._

”_Boi-boi-boiled,” answered the stammering old bachelor._

_Foote used to say that the Irish take us in and the Scots turn us out._

_A stout duellist once said to his diminutive antagonist, ”It is a perfectly unequal contest. It is almost impossible to hit any one of your size, or to miss any one of mine.”_

”_I agree,” said his opponent. ”And I will chalk my size on your body.

We will not count the shots that go out of the ring_.”

”_Ah,” said Curran, noticing an Irish friend walking along absent-mindedly with his tongue out, ”he is evidently trying to catch the English accent_.”

_Sydney Smith was asked his opinion of Newton's portrait of Tom Moore.