Part 23 (1/2)
There was laughter down the hall and then the sound of the blow-dryer.
”You really are welcome to come with us,” Paul offered.
”Thanks, but I slept all afternoon instead of studying. I'd better stay here,” Chris explained.
Chris watched Paul's eyes light up and she turned as he stood to meet Matt as he entered the room. She smiled, seeing Matt's eyes glow in return. Remembering similar exchanges between her and Lynn, she lowered her eyes.
Matt saw the smile fade from Chris's face and felt her pain. He walked over and knelt in front of the woman.
”Are you sure that you won't reconsider?”
Chris reached out and stroked his cheek. ”Go, have a good time. I won't wait up,” she said with a wink.
Matt smiled and nodded; he took Paul's hand, and the two walked out the door.
Chapter Sixteen.
Chris ran into the house and grabbed a bottle of water. She listened to the silence and realized Matt must still be in bed. Wiping the sweat from her face on her T-s.h.i.+rt, she tiptoed down the hall, quietly opened Matt's door, and then flung herself on his bed. ”Now look who's sleeping the day away!”
Matt groaned and pulled the pillow over his head. ”Leave me alone, I got in really late last night!” came his m.u.f.fled voice from beneath the material.
”Come on.” Chris tugged at the pillow. ”I want details!”
Matt clung to the pillow. ”Get your own love life!” As soon as the words left his mouth he knew what he had done. He pushed the pillow aside to see Chris's solemn face. ”I'm sorry* there I go again saying the wrong thing.”
Propping herself up on one elbow, she sighed. ”I've never had a love life. l.u.s.t, yes. s.e.x, a lot. But I've never been in love.”
Matt propped himself up on his elbow to meet her face. ”Really? You could've fooled me!”
Chris just stared at him, then lowered her eyes, pushed herself up, and crawled off of the bed. ”I'm going to take a shower,” she mumbled as she left the room.
The four walked into the stadium and looked overhead at the section numbers painted on the concrete. Hand in hand, the two couples made their way through the crowd and down the steps to their seats. Chris sat down and gazed at the view of the baseball diamond*the bright green gra.s.s offset by the darkness of the dirt and the stark white lines, contrasted with the clear blue sky*she was amazed at how beautiful it all was. Her thoughts were interrupted by Marie, who had leaned over her son to speak.
”It's just a shame that Lynn got these box seats and isn't here to enjoy them with us!”
Chris nodded in agreement, knowing it was her fault that Lynn had canceled. Matt jumped into the conversation. ”You know Lynn when she gets her mind set on something!”
Charles shook his head. ”I just hope she isn't getting too involved with work again. I hope that she remembers that work isn't everything.”
”She does, Dad. I can guarantee that she won't fall into that trap again.” Matt replied. ”I won't let that happen.”
Marie looked over at Chris. ”I'm sure you'll help, too, right Chris?”
Chris smiled nervously and was relieved when all attention s.h.i.+fted to the players on the field.
Matt and Chris sat in the living room after what seemed like an extremely long day. The game had gone into extra innings and there had been a traffic jam on the way out. Afterward, they had gone to a restaurant that was short on help. The two sat in silence while Matt clicked through the channels.
”Want some popcorn?” Chris asked. Matt shook his head no.
”Ice cream?” Chris offered. Matt shook his head again.
Matt threw down.the remote. ”There's nothing on.” In actuality, Matt would've liked to go to bed, but he knew that Chris was a night owl and he didn't want her to feel alone. ”Hey, why don't you look in the cabinet and pick out a movie to watch. Just nothing Doris Day!”
Chris smiled sarcastically and went over to the cabinet. She looked at the selection and pulled out a tape without a label. ”What's on this?”
Matt shrugged. ”Put it in and we'll see.”
Chris pushed the tape into the VCR, pushed Play, and stood back. The picture that appeared looked like a home movie. Matt sat up immediately. ”Oh, you don't want to watch that*” Just as he spoke, the picture scanned a scene in front of a campsite. Chris had been introduced to a couple of the people in the video, and then she saw a sight that captivated her. Lynn walked across the screen in tight jeans carrying a pile of wood. Dropping the wood, she dusted the dirt from her s.h.i.+rt and laughed as another woman's hands helped in the dusting.
Backing up until she reached the edge of the couch, Chris sat down without taking her eyes off of the television. She didn't even hear Matt's voice until he raised it.
”Chris!”
Turning toward him, she questioned, ”When was this taken?”
”About six months ago* maybe longer,” he answered. ”I'm going to turn it off, Chris.”
”No!” She kept her eyes glued to the screen in front of her, where day had turned to night, and the camera scanned the group around a campfire. They were laughing, drinking, and roasting marshmallows. The next shot was a closeup of a marshmallow being fed to Lynn, then Lynn sucking the fingers that fed her, and then lips meeting hers in a pa.s.sionate kiss.
Chris lowered her eyes; the pain was almost unbearable.
”Now can I turn it off?” Matt's voice came across the room.
Chris shook her head. ”No, I'd really like to watch it.”
Matt sighed, stood, and handed her the remote. He could not sit here and watch her self-inflicted misery. Running his fingers through her hair, he leaned over and kissed the top of her head.
”If it matters, I can't even remember the woman's name,” he said as he left the room. ”I never saw her again after that weekend.”
Chris lay down on the couch and watched the tape in the darkness. When it was through, she rewound it and watched it again. Then she watched only the scenes of Lynn. G.o.d, she missed her. Watching her on the screen was the next best thing to having her there. This is just pathetic, she finally realized. Turning off the television, she wandered into the bedroom and felt even more alone than the two previous nights. If she could just see Lynn and talk to her* and tell her what? Chris's mind and body still couldn't seem to agree on what kind of relations.h.i.+p she wanted with her. She still didn't believe that she was a lesbian, even though her body ached for Lynn. And she still didn't believe that what she felt was love, even though she missed her every minute of every day. She fell asleep as she struggled with the all-consuming conflict.
Chapter Seventeen.
Chris climbed out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen. She grabbed a mug from the shelf and poured some coffee. Rubbing her face to wake up, she carried her cup into the living room and stared at the phone. Lynn would be at the diner. Should she call her? No, she shouldn't be bugging her. It was over. Lynn had said so, now Chris just had to get it through her mind* and heart.
”Dammit!” Chris cursed under her breath. If she could just speak to Lynn, apologize profusely, maybe, just maybe* Chris picked up the phone and dialed information for the number of the diner. It took several minutes for Chris to get up the nerve to dial the number that she had written down. She picked up the receiver and began dialing.
The call was picked up after the first ring. ”Blue Moon Cafe, this is Betty speaking.”
”Hi. I'd like to speak with Lynn,” Chris said.
”You and all the other ladies!” joked Betty. ”Sorry, hon, she's not here today, had an appointment or something. Actually, now that I think about it, she'll be gone all week.”
”Thanks anyway,” Chris said as she hung up the receiver.